Why Do Some Partners Stay Together Even Though They Are Not Happy?

Love is a wonderful thing, but unfortunately, it is not eternal. And some partners, although they no longer love each other, continue to form a couple of years after year, until "death will separate them". But not infrequently you see people who not only no longer love each other but do not even swallow each other, can not stand to be around each other. And who only throws ugly words…

Why reach this situation, which is difficult to tolerate? How can some stay in a relationship, even though all it has to offer is unhappiness and suffering? The principle of the love of a lifetime is beautiful, but often it simply does not work when applied in reality.

The generations before us were somehow pressured to continue the marriage, because once the big step was taken, "shut up and swallow". But what is the binder today, when those who choose to separate or divorce are no longer to blame? How can they continue to live with each other if, not only do they not (anymore) love each other, but they don't even like each other?

Maybe you know such cases personally, or you may be amazed to hear some neighbors who seem to be arguing, jumping on each other's necks, and offending each other. How and for what reason do they form a couple ?? Wouldn't they be happier on their own, even if it's very difficult?

Why do some couples stay together even though they are not happy?

♦ Material difficulties. Unfortunately, we are far from living in a society where we can afford such lifestyle changes. Divorce involves the sharing of assets and requires partners to be able to support themselves separately, each with their source of income. And this is a difficulty that makes separation often impossible. Where will one of the partners live? With what? How will they cope independently? Even if dysfunctional, a family at least brings certain financial stability, because the two share their income and somehow manage to manage. On its own, it is considerably harder…

♦ Children. Many couples stay together, as they put it, "for the good of the children." Speaking of the traditional family, they are sure that the children should grow up with both parents. And let's not forget the previous idea, related to the financial aspect of caring for the little ones. What many overlooks is the fact that when things go beyond a limit and children live in a conflicted family environment, it affects them to some extent as much as separating their parents. If they witness daily quarrels between their parents, it will be hard for them to imagine. Some children even end up hating their parents (or one of them, the one considered guilty) and end up rejecting the idea of ​​the family soul.

♦ Habit. Few can get out of their comfort zone, ie the daily routine that offers certain stability, so safety. Even if things are not good, at least they are familiar, familiar. To drastically change something is to throw yourself into a sea of ​​the unknown. Which is risky. In addition, even a dysfunctional couple has developed certain habits for a more comfortable life (one deals with something, another with something else, everyone knows what to do). Maybe they want to take their eyes off each other every day, but at least they live in a kind of familiar and safe picture. And giving up certain benefits that the couple and/or family offer (cooked dinner, washed clothes, garbage, the other's substantial salary, etc.) does not seem very attractive to any of the partners (unless they have found a "replacement"). ).

♦ Harmful codependency. Not infrequently we become addicted to things that, while giving the illusion of well-being, actually do us a lot of harm. And once we increase the dose, it gets worse and worse, but it's easy to fall into the trap of addiction. It's like giving up, but you feel an almost sadistic need, even when you regret it afterward. The same thing happens with some relationships: it doesn't work anymore, it doesn't make you happy anymore, but it seems like you can't go out, it feels like you need to continue, no matter what situation you end up in. Moreover, it seems that it still gives you a strange satisfaction to hurt the other… According to the classic idea "can't live with them, can't live without them"!

♦ Nostalgia. But to this codependence is added the nostalgia for what was. After all, most partners were in love at first; and they were happy. Then everything was beautiful, now there seemed to be nothing left. But this nostalgia for what you experienced together also offers a misleading illusion, a small and vague hope that maybe, things will work out, that it will be the same as in the beginning… Which of course, is not very possible.

♦ Fear and mentality "it's too late". The fear of loneliness is one of the deepest fears of people (along with death and… public speaking!). Following the idea of "better unhappy together than alone", many choose to get used to the fact. What else awaits them? Especially if there is the mentality that from now on it is too late to take your life from the beginning, that you could have been a long time ago, but now you are not able to. Adding the belief that there is no other potential partner who wants you, it is already easier to understand why some stay together, although every day they become miserable with each other. At least I'm not alone