Why Are First Dates Much Harder Today?

If you are not one of those people who married their lovers from high school, then you probably have your fair share of awkward and embarrassing first dates. It might even be safe to assume that out of all people whom you dated, only around a third of those first dates could be considered a success.

Do not worry, though, because first dates should be hard. Even the most well-adjusted individuals could find themselves uncertain and vulnerable when they go on first dates.

Some may say that dating today is a lot harder than it was twenty (or even ten) years ago, and there are several reasons why they believe so.

The Paradox of Choice

American psychologist Barry Schwartz argues that it is harder to choose the more options you have (2004). Although this claim was initially for consumers and their choices, it is still somewhat accurate in the dating scene.

The emergence of social media and online dating platforms has connected you and everybody else to people beyond just your area, peers, and colleagues. You could meet two individuals who share the same interests as you, and you would never figure out whom you should choose to date between them. In some frustrating cases, you might end up not dating any one of them in the end.

You Expect a Lot from Your First Date

Some may go on a first date hoping for casual sex, whereas some wish that would be their last first date.

Whether you are only in the dating scene for fun or love, you are probably expecting too much from your first dates that it could leave you gravely disappointed when they do not go your way. That disappointment could pile up until you stop caring about your next first date anymore.

And if somehow two people who stopped caring would go on a first date together, then that would undoubtedly be an unpleasant experience.

Society Expects a Lot from You

Growing up, books, movies, and television shows have standardized what love should look like.

For instance, most fairy tales tell a story of a damsel in distress who gets rescued by a handsome, young prince and lives happily ever after; thus, most women grow up believing that they need a man to pick and take care of them, whereas most men grow up thinking that women need them as their knights in shining armor.

But that is not the case. That outdated outlook would only create tension because you are restricted to how society expects you to behave, even if it is uncharacteristic of you.

But if first dates are much harder today, is there anything I could even do?

Do not lose hope because there are a couple of ways to help you get through your first dates as you look for the one.

Log Your First Dates

Sometimes, you feel like you have lost a sense of control after going on several first dates, and that feeling could override logic.

For example, try to remember one of your successful first dates that never materialized into a loving relationship. Now, why do you think that date was successful? Was it really as successful as you remember? Or do you feel like you are just longing for a genuine connection?

So, writing something about your first dates (e.g., it could be the color of their eyes or that they accidentally spat their coffee as they laughed at your joke) can help you stay grounded instead of making assumptions about them based on how you feel.

Take a Break

Have you ever found yourself trying to immediately go on a date with someone right after having a horrible experience with someone else? If so, stop.

Going on a series of first dates will only burn you out. Take a break from dating and do something worthwhile for yourself, such as reconnecting with nature or visiting your parents.

And remember, other people should not be held responsible for making you feel better.

Seek Advice from a Dating Expert

If you feel alone and incapable of coping and adapting to modern dating, then you might want to consider talking to a dating guru. There is no shame in seeking help for a problem you could never figure out.