When Your Friends Dislike Each Other

Social life is easier when your friends either don’t know or outright enjoy each other’s presences. While there might be the occasional disagreements, as with any sort of healthy relationship, you don’t have to worry too much about conflicting loyalties or getting dragged into difficult fights.

However, friendships don’t always work as swimmingly as above. Sometimes, you may end up having friends that either dislike or outright hate each other’s guts. And I’m not just talking about awkward exes or complicated interactions; I’m speaking in regards to absolutely antagonistic rivalries with few to no good feelings in the mix.

When significant hostility exists between your friends, things can get complicated. You might feel pressured to pick a side. If you aren’t, perhaps you’ll be on the receiving end of one friend complaining about another one of your friends. It may even get harder for you to trust people over time - especially in your own social circles.

Fortunately, you don’t have to suffer forever. This article will go over how to deal with the potential struggles of having friends who resent each other.

Please note that I cannot 100 percent guarantee you will succeed at coming out stronger after reading this write-up. Nonetheless, I hope this piece can be of at least some use to you.

Get These Things Out Of The Way First

Not all feuds are made equal. While many are definitely multifaceted and several others are shrouded in private business for very good reasons, others…do have to do with some more heinous matters.

As an example, being friends with an abuser of one of your other friends can backfire hard. This especially goes for situations where the abusive actions in question crossed into dangerous, life-threatening, or outright illegal behaviours. It’s not impossible for an abuser to change; however, many choose not to.

If you choose to stay friends with an abuser of a friend, don’t hold your breath for the abuse victim to keep wanting to be cozy with you. While every situation is different, the fact of the matter in these kinds of scenarios is that as far as the abuse victim might be concerned, there's a risk of them getting sidelined for or worse yet, having secrets leaked to their abuser.

Other situations that can be quite risky include those involving out-and-out harmful felons such as sex offenders and murderers. During these kinds of events, it’s probably better to stick with the more reliable and trustworthy friend instead of the lowlife one.

Power imbalances where getting closer to a friend’s rival could make it easy to look like you’re in a position to help plot against them can also be awkward. However, this may be on more of a case-by-case basis. Ask yourself: does your friendship with the rival appear simply cordial, or is there obviously something more going on?

If you’ve determined that all or more than one of your friends involved in resenting each other are worth keeping, move on to the next section.

Don’t Get Yourself Involved Too Much

For some people, the tea of gossip can be tempting. But ultimately, it really isn’t worth the hassle for you when your friends are the ones trying to spite each other.

Do not start a conversation about your friends’ mutual resentment unless it gets brought up by them. Don’t overshare your opinions on the drama. Heck, maybe just avoid mentioning what your other friends are up to if it’s not common knowledge.

You are not either your friend or their rival. As a third party, you’re not going to ever have a complete view of the situation no matter what. We all have our own perspectives and biases, after all.

Unless it’s a publicized or online beef with bucket loads of evidence involved, there’s a decent chance you could end up picking the “wrong” side in the long run should you involve yourself. I put the word “wrong” in quotes because the fact is that these kinds of situations don’t always have someone clearly in the right or clearly in the wrong.

At the same time - your friends’ feud between themselves is really none of your business unless others could clearly get or be endangered like mentioned in the previous section or they try to drag you into their drama. People frequently do not appreciate a nosy person. Do you want to be that someone?

If You Get Dragged In

Let’s say your friends do try to get you to fight their battles against each other, though - beyond just venting to you personally. Perhaps it’s by leaking secrets or joining in on a backhanded revenge plan. Maybe they even want you to help them in direct confrontation.

If any of the above things apply, you will have to tread carefully. While bluntly telling your friend “no” might backfire in some cases where they’re being pushy, the possibility isn’t low that aiding your friend in their grudge-motivated actions could wreck your social life.

Finding activities to fill up your schedule with may be a helpful solution in the short-term. However, if turning down your friend’s requests won’t work, then you might want to take a step back and reevaluate your friendship. Is it really worth it to continue a friendship where forced drama is a high risk?

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Despite the frustrations they can cause, it’s not impossible to navigate friendships with those that hate each other. Whether you choose to stay or go, the world is not going to end.

Any other thoughts on this? Let me know in the comments!

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