When talking to a girl how do I get to know her? Like if she says she plays a certain sport how should I talk about that subject?

When talking to a girl how do I get to know her? Like if she says she plays a certain sport how should I talk about that subject?

How to Get to Know a Girl Through Conversation — Especially When She Mentions a Sport Like Tennis or Football

Talking to someone new—especially someone you’re interested in—can feel like a tightrope walk. You want to be confident but not arrogant, curious but not intrusive, fun but not forced. So what do you do when she mentions something like tennis or football? That’s your moment—but only if you know how to take it in stride.

As a guy who’s had his fair share of awkward starts and “I should’ve said this instead” moments, I’ve learned a few key strategies that genuinely work. Whether you’re trying to make a connection on campus or striking up a conversation with a coworker, the way you respond when she opens up—especially about something she enjoys—can shape everything that comes next.

Let’s break it down with advice from real experts, honest examples, and practical tools you can actually use.

Step One: Show Genuine Curiosity, Not Performance

When she says, “I play tennis,” your response shouldn’t be, “Cool. I used to play too,” if you haven’t. That might sound harmless, but faking common ground can backfire.

Instead, try something like:

“Nice! I’ve always admired tennis players—it looks like a crazy workout. What got you into it?”

This question shows genuine curiosity, not a rehearsed line. According to Dr. Laurie Helgoe, a psychologist and author of Introvert Power, asking open-ended questions helps keep the conversation going while also giving the other person space to express themselves.

By shifting the spotlight to her experience, you’re showing respect and attentiveness—two qualities people instantly respond to.

Step Two: Use Her Interests as a Doorway, Not a Destination

It’s tempting to stay locked into the sport she mentioned. But talking about tennis isn’t the end goal—getting to know her is.

Let’s say she says she plays football on weekends. A good follow-up might be:

“Do you play in a local league, or is it more for fun with friends?”

Then:

“That sounds like a blast. What do you like most about playing—competition, the energy, or just hanging with the team?”

You’re still on the topic of football, but now you’re digging deeper. Is she a team player? A competitor? Is it a way for her to unwind?

You’re listening not just to facts but to values. And that’s what builds genuine connection.

Step Three: Watch for Non-Verbal Cues

Words matter, but so does body language. A study published in the Journal of Nonverbal Behavior found that people subconsciously trust those who mirror their energy, posture, or gestures during conversation.

So while you’re talking:

Make eye contact, but don’t stare.

Nod occasionally to show you’re listening.

If she leans in, you can lean slightly too.

Keep an open body posture (arms uncrossed, facing toward her).

If she’s turning her body away, checking her phone, or giving one-word answers, it’s okay—she may just not be in the mood to talk. Respect that and politely pivot the conversation or give space.

Step Four: Use Active Listening (Yes, It’s a Superpower)

Ever talked to someone who just waits for their turn to speak? Don’t be that guy.

Active listening means fully focusing, responding thoughtfully, and sometimes repeating back what you heard in your own words. It might sound like:

“So you’ve been playing since high school? That’s awesome. You must’ve put in serious time to get that good.”

It shows you’re paying attention—and not just to what she says, but how she says it.

According to Dr. Carl Rogers, one of the founders of humanistic psychology, people open up more when they feel genuinely heard. That’s how you go from small talk to meaningful conversation.

Step Five: Know the Do’s and Don’ts of Getting to Know Her

✅ Do’s:

Be curious about her opinions, experiences, and stories.

Relate when appropriate, but don’t try to one-up her.

Share about yourself, especially when she asks questions back.

Keep the tone light and respectful—humor is welcome, but sarcasm or arrogance isn’t.

Compliment sincerely, not generically. Instead of “You’re cool,” try, “I really admire how passionate you are about [sport]. That’s rare.”

❌ Don’ts:

Don’t ask overly personal or intimate questions too early.

Don’t assume she wants to “talk about sports like a guy” unless she leads that way.

Don’t brag to impress—let authenticity be your strongest point.

Don’t interrupt or redirect the topic to yourself too often.

Don’t make jokes that put her down (even lightly)—negging is outdated and disrespectful.

Real-Life Example: The Power of Follow-Up Questions

I once met a girl at a mutual friend’s party who mentioned she played tennis in college. Instead of going, “Oh nice,” and moving on, I asked, “Singles or doubles?” She lit up and said, “Doubles—I love the team dynamic.”

From there, we talked about coordination, communication, and how trust plays a huge role in doubles matches. That segued into a conversation about friendships, work teams, and eventually—her plans after college.

We started with tennis, but ended up getting a glimpse into her worldview. That’s what the right follow-up questions can do.

Expert Insight: Why Sports Make a Great Conversation Starter

According to Matthew Hussey, a popular dating and communication coach, shared interests are great—but shared energy is better.

“If someone’s passionate about something—even if it’s not your thing—the best move is to meet them at that energy level,” says Hussey. “Show them you care about what they care about.”

So if she talks passionately about a football team or a grueling tennis match, don’t just listen to the what. Feel the why.

Shift the Focus from "Getting Her to Like You" to "Getting to Know Her"

The best conversations happen when there’s no pressure. You're not on a sales pitch. You're on a discovery mission.

Ask yourself:

What makes her laugh?

What energizes her?

What frustrates her?

What inspires her?

These are the things that build connection—not a perfect line or shared Spotify playlists.

Bonus Tip: Conversation Pacing Is Your Friend

Don’t rapid-fire questions. Let the conversation breathe. A thoughtful pause between responses often leads to deeper reflection.

For example:

You: “That’s cool you play football. Ever had a game where you just felt totally in the zone?”

[Pause. Let her reflect.]

A well-timed pause can feel more intimate than a barrage of words.

The Bottom Line: It's About Her, Not the Sport

When she mentions a sport she plays, that’s a clue—a thread. If you pull it gently and with care, it can unravel into a much richer conversation. But if you yank or fumble it, the moment slips.

You don’t need to know every rule of tennis or who won the last football league. You just need to be curious, respectful, and present.

That’s the kind of guy most girls—not to mention most people—are happy to talk to again.

Key Takeaways

Use sports as a starting point, not the entire conversation.

Ask open-ended questions that lead to deeper values and experiences.

Pay attention to non-verbal cues, active listening, and conversation pacing.

Be authentic, respectful, and relaxed—connection comes naturally when the pressure’s off.

Back your approach with advice from experts, but let your genuine curiosity be the main driver.

Author: Michael B. Norris

Michael B. Norris is a seasoned communication specialist and relationship coach with over a decade of experience in helping individuals build stronger personal and professional connections. With a background in psychology and human behavior, Michael has contributed to numerous publications, offering advice on everything from effective communication to relationship dynamics.

His work is grounded in research-based strategies and real-world insights, making him a trusted authority in the field of interpersonal communication. Michael's approach combines academic knowledge with practical advice, empowering individuals to navigate social situations with confidence and authenticity. His articles are widely read by young professionals and college students seeking to improve their conversational skills and emotional intelligence