What would be your answer if a girl asked you, "What will you do for me?"

What would be your answer if a girl asked you, "What will you do for me?"

It was a warm evening, and we were sitting under a streetlamp outside a small café. The buzz of the city faded behind the quiet comfort of our conversation. Then she looked at me—calm, direct—and asked, “What will you do for me?”

At first, I smiled. Was this a test? A trap? A joke? But her eyes were sincere. She wasn’t asking for gifts, not for grand promises, not for poetry. She was asking something deeper. “What will you do for me,” she said—not “give.” And that’s when I realized this wasn’t about proving my worth, but understanding what love really means in practice.

Love Beyond the Gesture: Redefining What It Means to “Do” for Someone

Many young men grow up thinking love is about big gestures—flowers, vacations, diamond rings. While those things can express affection, they don’t define love. When someone asks, “What will you do for me?” it’s really a request to understand your role in their life—not as a provider of things, but as a partner in growth, in care, in vulnerability.

According to relationship therapist Esther Perel, modern relationships aren’t just about survival or societal expectations anymore. They are “an expression of self-actualization, where we seek not only to be loved, but to become more of who we are through that love” (Perel, 2017). So the question becomes: How do you support someone’s self-actualization?

My Real Answer: Presence, Partnership, and Growth

I told her: “I’ll listen when you’re scared. I’ll step back when you need space. I’ll challenge you gently when I see you settling for less. I’ll keep learning—about you, about myself, about how to love better. That’s what I’ll do.”

Love, in a healthy and modern sense, is not about doing in the performative way society teaches us. It’s about showing up consistently, staying accountable, and growing together. It’s about building something sustainable, not flashy.

Psychologist Brené Brown speaks about the importance of vulnerability in love, stating that “vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity” (Brown, 2012). When a woman asks what you’ll do for her, she may be asking how open you’re willing to be. Will you show up fully? Will you admit when you’re wrong? Will you allow her to do the same?

Real-Life Examples That Matter More Than Words

I once dated someone who struggled with anxiety. What I did for her wasn’t glamorous—I learned to sit with silence, to research grounding techniques, to walk with her around the block when panic made it hard to breathe. Another time, a partner needed support through a career transition. I didn’t give her the answers, but I asked good questions, offered encouragement, and celebrated her courage.

In both relationships, the real doing wasn’t dramatic. It was simple, intentional, and patient. It was about being emotionally available.

What Healthy Love Looks Like Today

Healthy love today is co-creation, not one-sided sacrifice. It’s about offering emotional support, respecting independence, and building a shared vision without losing your individuality. In modern, feminist-aligned dynamics, both partners must offer value—not in the transactional sense, but in the relational one.

That means:

Supporting mental health, not dismissing it.

Being emotionally literate, not emotionally unavailable.

Respecting boundaries, not testing them.

Prioritizing communication, not assuming or avoiding.

These are not grand gestures, but they are revolutionary in relationships shaped by outdated gender roles.

How Culture Shaped the Question—and How We Can Respond Better

In some cultural contexts, especially in South Asia or other traditionally patriarchal societies, “What will you do for me?” might sound like a test of masculinity or financial strength. But modern feminism—both for women and men—asks us to look deeper.

Men are allowed to be nurturers. Women are allowed to be ambitious. Love must evolve with us.

When we reframe the question through this lens, the answer is not “I’ll provide for you” or “I’ll protect you,” but rather: “I’ll walk beside you. I’ll support your dreams like I hope you’ll support mine.”

This is how we promote emotional equality—by acknowledging each person’s needs, dreams, and individuality.

Actionable Advice for Young Men Answering This Question

If you’re asked this question, don’t panic. Reflect. Think about what you truly offer in a relationship. Here are some actionable ways to build a meaningful answer:

Work on Emotional Intelligence

Learn to recognize, name, and process your feelings. Encourage open emotional expression in your partner.

Communicate Clearly and Respectfully

Healthy love thrives on communication. Ask questions. Express needs. Listen fully.

Be an Equal Partner

Don’t fall into gendered roles. Cook together, share emotional labor, split chores, discuss goals.

Learn Continuously

Read about relationships. Follow people like Esther Perel, Brené Brown, or bell hooks. Ask older couples what they’ve learned.

Be Consistent, Not Just Charismatic

Presence matters more than flair. Show up on the hard days. Be dependable.

Support Autonomy and Growth

Encourage your partner’s passions—even if they don’t involve you. Celebrate her individuality.

Be Willing to Apologize and Adapt

No one is perfect. Growth comes from acknowledging mistakes, not pretending you’re flawless.

Stay Curious About Her Inner World

Ask how she’s really doing. What her dreams are. What scares her. What she needs to feel loved.

What This Question Really Means

Ultimately, when someone asks “What will you do for me?”, they might be asking: “Can I trust you with my heart? My time? My truth?” It’s not about services rendered. It’s about partnership.

The best answer, then, isn’t a checklist—it’s a philosophy. A commitment to learning how to love in real time, not in fantasy. A commitment to kindness over pride, presence over performance, and growth over ego.

Closing Thoughts: Ask Yourself the Same Question

Before you answer her question, ask it of yourself. What are you truly prepared to offer in love? Not what you were told to offer, not what movies showed you—but what your values, your heart, and your evolving sense of self can contribute.

Ask yourself:

Am I bringing safety and support into someone’s life?

Am I committed to learning what love means—not just for me, but for us?

Can I be a place where someone can grow, not shrink?

Love isn’t about rescuing or being rescued. It’s about building something together that you both believe in. So if she asks you, “What will you do for me?”—tell her:

“I’ll walk with you, not ahead of you. I’ll learn with you. And I’ll hold space for who you are, even as we both change. That’s what I’ll do.”

📚 References (APA style)

Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. Gotham Books.

Perel, E. (2017). The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity. Harper.

hooks, b. (2001). All About Love: New Visions. William Morrow.

By Michael B. Norris

Michael B. Norris is a relationship writer, educator, and advocate for emotionally intelligent masculinity. With a background in psychology and over a decade of experience writing on modern love, communication, and personal development, he blends research-based insights with heartfelt storytelling. His work draws on the teachings of experts like Brené Brown, Esther Perel, and bell hooks to challenge outdated norms and promote respectful, growth-oriented partnerships. Michael's essays have appeared in leading digital publications and relationship columns, where he’s known for his thoughtful, feminist-aligned perspective on what it means to be a good partner in today’s world.