What Truly Sustains Love?

Is there anyone else who, after a while in a relationship, starts to question what they're really doing? It's not that the love isn't there, but one day, you suddenly wonder, "What is truly most important in a relationship?"

Many would say loyalty, but let's think carefully: Is loyalty truly unconditional? Can you really remain loyal to someone in a relationship filled with high pressure, arguments, silent treatments, and constant tension? Ultimately, loyalty thrives on a comfortable and warm relationship, not one characterized by mutual depletion, defensiveness, and avoidance.

You might say companionship is important, or that being willing to spend money on someone is, or that being considerate is also important. While these are certainly valuable, they are merely "added value" to a relationship. Only two things truly sustain a relationship: the ability to handle problems and the ability to control emotions.

So many relationships fail not because of a lack of love, but because problems arise and aren't resolved. When a problem comes up, one person remains indifferent while the other explodes, and arguments escalate into a mutually damaging dynamic. The silent treatment, in particular, slowly wears down the relationship.

Arguing isn't a bad thing. What's bad is when the problem remains unresolved after every argument. Even worse, one person wants to fix it, while the other wants to escape. It feels like you’re desperately trying to hold on, but they keep retreating, until you lose the energy to communicate. Then everyone starts shifting blame: "You have a bad temper," "You're always emotional," "You're too sensitive," "You don't understand me." But the reality is, everyone is just tired. Their love for each other hasn't faded; it has simply been buried under a pile of unresolved problems.

Believe it or not, there's no couple in this world that doesn't argue; it's just a matter of whether they are willing to work together to address their problems. Couples who stay together for life don't do so because they don't have problems, but because they're mature enough to shoulder their problems together, rather than seeing each other as the problem.

Then there's the issue of emotional control. Emotional stability is truly more important than good looks. Someone with unstable emotions—prone to explosive outbursts and unpredictable moods—is like an emotional earthquake in a relationship. You never know whether they are going to hug you or smash something the next second. Over time, it gets genuinely scary, and even if you are deeply in love, it takes a heavy toll.

Think about it: who wants to go home to someone who could explode at any moment? Who wants to live in fear every day just because their partner is in a bad mood? They might claim to love you, but your life feels like you're constantly defusing a bomb.

The scariest thing is when some people explode, say hurtful things, and then the next day, they just say "I'm sorry" and move on. But the wounds in your heart can't be healed with just a simple apology. Emotional blackmail in a relationship, when it accumulates over time, leaves scars. Eventually, you start to doubt whether the relationship has any hope.

So, I believe that a truly mature relationship isn't about not having arguments, but about being willing to talk things over afterward. It's not about not having emotions, but about being able to control them and not taking them out on the other person.

Many people fall in love, but not everyone knows how to love. Understanding love is one thing; being capable of loving is another. Those who know how to love know how to handle the inevitable conflicts and emotional challenges, and they don’t turn love into a struggle.

We all need to learn one thing: love isn't about finding someone to act out a romantic drama with, but rather someone to face life's storms alongside. Love requires skill; love based solely on feelings is too fragile.

So, stop being swayed by superficial things like, "He's nice to me," "He buys me things," or "He chats with me until midnight." What really matters is how he handles problems, his emotional stability, and whether he wants to mend things or run away when they break down. If he lacks these abilities, then love alone won't sustain the relationship.

Thank you for reading!