What Not to Do If Your Partner Cheated on You?

He cheated on you - what are you doing? If you find yourself in a horrible situation when you find out that your partner has cheated on you, it can be too hard for you to think about what to do or what not to do… You can't think at all - and the first few thoughts can only be fantasies about how you are right or how the person who hurt you gets what they deserve…

It is, then, too difficult for you to decide what to do about the relationship: do you stay and try to get over it, or do you leave immediately, not being able to get over the betrayal? This is the most important and difficult decision and it is just your decision. But what not to do when he cheated on you is an important aspect…

He cheated on you - what don't you do:

He's not apologizing to his partner. Because you want to somehow justify this betrayal, to justify it so that you can forgive it, you can look for excuses that do not justify anything; your partner, in turn, can come up with such an excuse that doesn't explain anything.

Apologies like, "It was only once, just a mistake" (just a mistake ?!), "It didn't mean anything, I love you" (something means), "I was drunk" the best case mitigates the circumstances, but does not justify), "it happened without realizing what

I'm doing" (if he didn't sleep somehow, a bit strange justification), "it happens in any couple and many of them do not separate" happens in any couple). Don't look desperately for such an embarrassing excuse just to get over it. Both you and your partner must accept that this is a serious betrayal and if there is a possibility of reconciliation, then there must first be an acceptance of the seriousness of the problem.

Don't be obsessive with your partner. Often, even if you have as concise a proof as possible, you seem to refuse to accept it, hoping you misunderstood. So you still hope that this is not the situation, that your partner did not cheat on you and you feel the obsessive need to look for other clearest evidence before confronting him/her.

So you start playing the role of the obsessed partner: you look for him on the phone, you smell his clothes, you call him at any time and you even follow him… If you have proof, try to accept it as reality, without continuing your torment and face your partner!

Don't blame yourself. It is true that often when a partner cheats, he cheats because he had certain needs (physical or emotional) that were not met in the couple. When one cheats, it is often not because he is a bad man, without feelings, superficial, and obsessed with sex.

But from admitting that he cheated on you because of a couple of problems in which you also had a part and to think that he cheated on you because of you is a long way.

Don't blame yourself, don't think you could do things differently and you wouldn't get here; don't think you could see the signs of getting here; don't think that your partner betrayed you because you are not right or because you did not do the right thing. It's the worst thing you can do - you step on your own, you make yourself think you weren't good enough.

Don't just blame the person who cheated on you. An instinctive and frequent reaction: blame the person your partner cheated on you with. You demonize that person and turn him into a monster that destroyed your relationship and seduced your partner with a bad will as if your partner was helpless!

The other woman or man is the demons who seduced your poor partner, who could not resist… But often, the other did not even know the situation - maybe he did not even know that your partner has a relationship. Besides, whatever the situation, the partner is responsible, not the other!

Don't compare yourself to the one he cheated on you with. It's just another way to blame yourself, to make you feel horrible. "I'm not as beautiful / as muscular" - that's why your partner cheated on you! On the one hand, you feel a little better: he cheated on you only because of his unstoppable physical attraction.

On the other hand, you feel horrible: the other person is better than you and your partner preferred him. But remember: very often, the deceived does not appear just because the other looks better! Many more complex causes lead to this situation (different problems in the couple). And if the partner doesn't find you attractive, he wouldn't be with you from the beginning…

Don't isolate yourself. Break up or not, try not to isolate yourself from your true friends. Maybe you're a little ashamed to tell them, maybe you're not in the mood for anyone or anything - but try to see your true friends and get off talking about betrayal and possibly throwing a little mud at your partner…

Don't take revenge by cheating yourself. Are you starting to think "I'll pay for it", "let him/her see how it is"? Stop: On the one hand, if you want to try to save the relationship, cheating is the worst choice. On the other hand, if you want to end it, then end it and get out of the relationship with dignity. And no, that's not a euphemism for something else.

Don't take revenge violently. The fantasies of setting fire to your partner's clothes, destroying everything, ruining his belongings - we all have them. Why is this aspect included in the article He cheated on you - what not to do?

To remind you of two things: first - you may not feel better at all, but worse; the second - not to have problems, not to start a cycle of evil and revenge. But if you think you are free, you can try, as long as you do not take things too far (limit yourself to some objects without great value).

Don't lose confidence in all men / all women. Don't become the kind of person who says "everyone is the same, you can't trust anyone". Sure, no one is telling you to find someone else to trust right away or trust your partner immediately after betrayal (if you stay with him) - but don't generalize and don't think that all people will disappoint you. Because it's not true.

No matter how horrible this experience is, you will eventually have to forgive it (whether or not you stay with your partner), try to understand it (see what was wrong with the relationship) and learn something from it. But you haven't learned anything if your only example from your experience is that you can't trust anyone…