Unexpected Romantic Getaway

I was talking to a guy I instantly clicked with online for about a month. We had an instant connection. The kind of you see in the movies. If you imagine those old school music videos with two people sitting on the phone all night that was us. We would spend hours talking every single day. We never ran out of topics to talk about or to joke about. Our connection was so light and effortless and it felt right. I even once called him while he was with his grandparents and made an instant connection with them as well.

Everything felt just right and was going in the right direction. Even we do not live in the same country I never felt closer to anyone as I felt with him. Still, I have gotten burnt in the past, so I been trying to slow down the pace. Even my inner voice screams to run hundred miles an hour and if we crash, we crash. I am trying to do better so not doing that anymore. Although that little voice deep inside tells me to go crazy. 

He told me he really wants to see me, and that as a man he should come see me for our first meet. He already checked his flights, his hotel, what he wants to do. He knows I am not so great at planning things so he basically already had the whole trip planned out which was a green flag to me. He was always very much a gentleman and was always talking about how he wanted his woman to be appreciated. 

He is divorced and was married for about 18 years and he did not want to date around, he wanted something serious. The reason they divorced he said they just grew apart as they got married very young, they have 3 beautiful children together and he is very much in their lives. He also has his own business and is doing really well for himself.

As a parent myself, having a man who has kids is prefferable to me. Some may disagree. But I have reached the stage where I do not think I want more kids. This is a topic that should be discussed separately, because there is days where I don't know and maybe, maybe consider it. But at the same time if a guy already has kids there is not much pressure if you decide you do not want any kids versus a guy with no kids. Crazy, but at this age this is an important topic when you start dating. And as much as I love children I don't know if my health is good enough, the late nights, the school runs. I lived it and it is a question of if I want to live it again. Which is not really an important topic right now. 

So, Mark (let's call him that) told me he got his flights, his hotel, everything sorted and I will see him in about two weeks. Now at this stage we were still on the phone all the time and very happy to get to know each other and now we had something real to look at. Because some long distance couples wait years before they meet. 

There was couple of things that happened during the next few days that started to give me second thoughts if he is the right man for me. 

First one, and for some this may not mean a lot was his social media. We used to send each other cute memes and pictures, but also he would also repost online models on his story, which when I brought it up to him he said he really liked their outfit or how they looked and he only wanted me and this was just social media. 

I just did not appreciate that. I am definetely not insecure, however big deal for me is respect. The worst feeling for me is when you feel disrespected by your person. Although this was quite small issue and he stopped when we spoke about this it already gave my perfect vision of us for future some cracks. 

Second, I work a lot. I always have, which has stopped me from socialising outside of work and meeting new people, hence meeting people online has always been easier. On this particular week I had an important project I was working on and I was extremely tired so on our usual evening conversation I expressed this. Not really looking for anything but just a safe space to vent. Which he basically told me i need to "man up" and stop complaining and how many people would wish for the career that I have and I am being ungrateful. This pretty much escalated to an argument, because - you do not add extra fuel to already burning fire and a woman who is absolutely exhausted. 

I am a very calm person, so even I wanted to explode I communicated that I was only looking for a little emotional support and I did not liked his response. Mark also started basically comparing what I just told him that he works more than me. Like, this is not a competition and should not be?

This alone literally put me off him. The real Mark was coming through, so now instead of seeing our happy future together all I could see was us arguing and him not allowing me having a bad day. If I can not emotionally connect with you, you already lost me. However I did not want to be extreme so I said to myself, give him a chance, he is flying to you in a week. Don't judge him too much based on how he handled things. 

The week flew by, I booked four days off to spend some time with him and even work was crazy I was looking forward spending time with Mark and him coming to see me. About two days before he was arriving we had a conversation and I expressed how I came from a really bad relationship in my past and I wanted to take my time in getting to know him. Which he absolutely exploded about. Saying he is coming to see me and I am not even sure. Which to me was crazy because how can I be sure about a guy I never met? I do not want to paint him like he was crazy, because he was not, I just feel like we did not see things the same, which is crazy because I really thought we did. The day he was meant to arrive I had to work and then go straight to airport right after work to see him. 

We were still talking normally so I messaged him to say, make sure you are checked in for your flight and I am looking forward meeting you. To which he responded and said "I will not be coming anymore". 

I was shocked so I asked why, and he told me he does not want to come see me unless I am fully sure about him and about us. I felt like I was being put in an unfair position. I felt like he was still really mad so maybe he will still get on that plane until the time came he was meant to board and I realised he never got on. It is weird when you talk to someone and spend hours and hours on phone laughing and smiling and they are the first person you think of when you wake up and first you think of when you fall asleep and suddenly there is just nothing. You just don't see eye to eye and it is almost hard to believe it is just over just like that. Everything you ever shared with each other, being vulnerable and allowing the connection is now discarded just like that. It felt shocking. 

I was telling my work friend about how the situation unfolded, she understood both sides. Me telling Mark I did not want to rush in getting to know him and also him being extreme and not coming to see me unless I give him some sort of a promise. 

I told her now I have all this time already booked, what do I do. I decided to start looking at flights for a quick escape somewhere. Anywhere that is cheap enough. There is something about feeling heart broken and travelling. At least for me. I started to solo travel to mend my broken heart and to just get away from my usual surroundings and there is just something magical about being in a different country, trying to figure things out, exploring places, or even just sitting on a train or a bus and exploring. 

So I found a really cheap last minute flight to different city, it was one of those decisions like it is now or never. I put my phone down. I'm taking this to an extreme, let me process what just happen. Take some time. All I had was next few days off work and I know if I had nothing booked I would rot in my bed watching tv shows feeling sorry for myself. So I told my work friend I am booking the flight. Next thing she said get a dating app. 

If you know me you know I do not like dating apps. They are good I guess for some. It is just the whole effort of things. But in this moment I really did not want to start overthinking so I did like she suggested and got an app and put my location in this city.

Next morning I woke up to 182 matches and there was 1 extra special match. The way the app works you could give like a special like I guess to someone and you could only do that maybe once a week or once a month, I am not fully sure. But this person who sent me the "special like" was really handsome, tall, lovely smile. I decided to match with him and did not look at any other matches. However it did give me confidence boost because where I am from this would never happen. 

So me and this new guy (let's call him Luke) immediately hit it off too. I felt comfortable enough to let him know what happened and that someone was suppose to come see me, now they are not and I have some spare time hence I am coming to his city. To which he replied with " that other guy must be crazy for not coming to see you, I would definitely make the effort to come meet you when you are here if you would like". He seemed polite and sweet. Also divorced. Little older, maybe more mature and understanding. Hard to judge from one conversation, but he gave me confidence to be willing to see him. 

I had booked some time at a retreat while I was there, he offered to meet me and take me for dinner after. I was only in the city for one day so the impulsive side of me said "feel free to join me at this retreat if you like". I had booked 5 hour stay and honestly would be nice to have someone to talk to while I was there. He said he is accepting my invite and will see me there. 

It was funny, me meeting a guy for the first time in my white robe at the spa. If this was a guy I would speak to for a while before meeting my nerves would shoot me to the roof, I guess because I did not speak to him long enough I did not feel as nervous meeting him. Later I found out he drove 2 hours after work to see me there which I found was very sweet.

I do have to say on my way to this retreat place I stopped by at a local bar and chugged down an Espresso Martini. One for caffeine boost, two for the alcohol to calm some of my nerves. I arrived at the retreat, got changed and got a text from him saying he also just arrived. It was time to meet this mysterious Luke guy. Very unexpected how unplanned this was. 

I met him and instantly thought he looks so handsome, he was smiling as I was walking up to him and he gave me a nice hug. When I say nice hug I mean a real hug. These days people hug you but you don't really feel like it is a real hug. I felt it. Hard to explain. If you know you know. 

We proceeded to a jacuzzi and again conversation was flowing, it was going so well I had to say I think we should go explore other areas here plus the hot water is making us both shriveled up at this stage from sitting there for so long. Talking to him felt so easy. We went to couple of different sauna and steam rooms and you know that feeling when you really like someone you just want to touch them in a gentle way but not too much, but also it is kind of akward at the same time.

At this stage it was already late and it was close to closing time and we went to the outside mineral pool. We were sitting in the pool still talking and I was joking saying how this feels like one of those dating shows where there is two people sitting in the pool talking about life. There was stars above us, it was honestly so beautiful. I realised I did not think about Mark at all. That having my standards is the right thing and I should never lower them for anything or allow someone to lower my expectations or to accept a behaviour that I did not like. 

Next Luke leaned in to kiss me. It was like a little cute kiss where he pulled back and apologized. To which I responded and said "why" and pulled him in closer for another kiss. This whole memory is really stuck in my head and I wish I could keep replaying it. It was perfect. Last minute flight, the warm mineral pool, the dark sky, shining stars and two people who just met by some accident and maybe little luck and destiny. Maybe this means nothing. But in this moment it felt amazing and I was so glad I booked this flight and pushed myself out of my comfort zone. 

Once the time was to leave, we went to a bar and continued talking. My flight was leaving early next morning so I was leaving to go to airport in next few hours so we did not have much time but it has been an amazing day that we spent together. 

He came with me to the airport and waited around until I went through the gate. I remember as I walked through the gate I deleted my dating profile and he messaged me that he did the same. 

We have all these plans to see each other again. But the voice deep down is like "here we go againnnn" - we have been down this road again. Are we really doing this. It's so nice until it is not. 

So I am not trying to put all my hopes up, I have been talking to and getting to know people for a long time and it has always crashed and burned. 

Also sometimes you may have an amazing one day with someone and you can't stop talking about it and then you meet again and it is not the same. So here I am trying to slow it down and just go with the flow. He told me he will come visit me in 2 weeks and then we were talking about planning a whole trip together. We have many things in common, one of them is travelling. Would be nice to explore with someone. Solo travelling is nice but also can feel lonely and also scary for a woman. 

These are all the new things I am currently exploring with Luke and I am excited and wondering how will this love story unfold. And if we will end up going on a week long trip together. They say if you really want to know someone take a trip with them. I guess we will find out..