What It Means to Have a Child Emotionally Dependent on His Parents

What does a child emotionally dependent on his parents mean? He is a child who is in constant need of affection, attention, reassurance, protection, who wants to be pampered and always protected, who asks for the help of his parents whenever he faces a small difficulty…

Up to the age of 4, this is any child! But after this age, sometimes even before, the normal child begins to be somewhat independent - to want to perform certain tasks on his own and to assert his personality. Then, as he grows up, it is just as normal for the little one to seek the company of his peers, and at puberty to move away from his parents and assert himself!

But what do we do when a 12-year-old child is still totally dependent on his parents when he has not learned to handle himself? When he is always looking for advice when he can't decide on his own and can't manage without running away from his parents?

Some parents feel happy that the child, even in adolescence, is still emotionally attached to them, still asks for their support, and still prefers their company: "better to stay with me, at home, than outside where he may be in danger"!

But such a development is not normal - it looks like an emotionally dependent child. In cases where the child cannot cope alone and symbolically separates himself from his parents by asserting his personality, he can become an asocial adult - who cannot integrate and who, at the age of 40, still lives with his parents… or a dependent adult.

What an emotionally dependent child means:

He can't handle himself. An emotionally dependent child cannot or does not want to cope alone in any situation! He wants his mother to dress him, wash him, feed him - even if he is old enough to do it alone. He asks for support in any task, even if they are easy. He does not face challenges, especially in school or kindergarten - he comes crying when another child is sick, asking his mother to do justice.

He wants to be permanently cared for and protected, being afraid to be alone. Therefore, a good parent teaches him early on to cope on his own, to perform different tasks on his own, and does not suffocate him carefully. Even if the child is frustrated that he can't do something, he doesn't do it for him.

Supporting him is not the same as doing his job! Boys tend to develop too close a relationship with their parents - usually with their mother, perhaps because in groups of boys the competition is higher, the challenges more difficult and the imposition harder. Or maybe it's because they develop emotionally more slowly and it's hard for them to break away.

Increased need for affection. An emotionally dependent child requires affection and sentimental reassurance. He seems needy and fearful, he gets upset whenever you ignore him a little. He has an increased need for attention and affection, even in old age, because he is unable to find other sources of affection - friends of his age.

Many become addicted adults in the couple's relationship - they become emotionally attached to their partner, replacing him with the parent and constantly demanding attention and reassurance. Emotional insecurity comes from fear and anxiety, resistance to change. Children who are suffocated by love and attention, but grow up and notice that the situation has changed, that they do not get as much affection, develop this insecurity.

When a child spends most of his early childhood with one of his parents and does not integrate into other groups - of the elderly - he will encounter difficulties in the practical and symbolic separation from this parent and in adapting to the social. Don't choke your baby and don't always keep him close to you!

Self-confidence. The dependent child cannot or does not want to make decisions on his own and seeks advice from his parents - and then the adult finds another landmark, usually in the person of the couple's partner. This is because they are not encouraged from an early age to cope, solve problems, to get out of difficulties on their own.

You can't and shouldn't always help your child when he has a problem - for example, when he is arguing with another child or when he doesn't know how to do his homework! Support him, appreciate him, but tell him that he needs to learn to handle himself. If not here's a new product just for you! He will have low self-confidence, he will have a weak and influential personality, always looking for a landmark, a strong person to connect with.

But not only is it too close and the suffocation of child care leads to emotional addiction. The extreme is just as valid - a child who has never been supported, encouraged, appreciated, and loved by his parents, who faces their indifference, can become an adult in search of a surrogate parent, a landmark, a stable foundation in his life.

The emotionally dependent child - how to avoid:

Encourage her independence! Avoid being the type of parent who is always alert, always fearful, who always jumps to support and help his child! Are you taking your first steps? Do not jump to support him constantly for fear of falling!

Does he want to eat alone? Leave him alone - encourage him! Step by step, praise him and protect him from a distance when the child becomes more independent and asserts himself. Protection is done by securing the house, allowing it to grow in a safe environment.

Time without you. Even when he is little, teach him to spend his time sometimes without you. Tell him that he is completely safe and that he will see you again in the evening, to eliminate the fear and take him to his grandparents, to other relatives, where he will spend his time with other people.

Socializing from an early age. Don't keep your child tied to you. Allow them to spend time with other children, integrate into playgroups, and have fun with other people! After 4 years, she organizes group play classes, goes with him to the park and lets him play with other children, and eventually looks for special classes for children - depending on his interests.

Tasks. Encourage him to do the essential tasks himself from the age he can do it: dressing, washing, feeding. Then, as he grows up, give him other tasks to make him responsible: to clean his room on his own, to wash the cutlery he uses, to take out the garbage. Let him do it himself and know how to do it.

At school. Do you think that he is more withdrawn at school, that he does not make friends? Talk to him about this issue. Encourage him to find extracurricular activities in which to integrate into groups. Although you are afraid, encourage him to go on holiday camps.

Remember: being a good parent means ensuring stability and psychological balance and this can only be done by encouraging independence and asserting one's self.