What is the nature of marriage

"Value" is one dimension higher than "affection". When you fall in love, you just need to follow your feelings and make each other happy.

But once married, what determines the long-term success of a marriage is whether two people can consistently provide "value" to each other.

Therefore, in love, appearance level, body shape, charm, humor, even piano, chess, painting and calligraphy are the key to attract a partner, but in marriage, all these will not work, become boring, because marriage is only about value exchange.

First example:

A girl has been learning piano since she was a child. She goes off work to practice for an hour every day. Her boyfriend appreciated her skill very much at the beginning of their relationship.

After the relationship became stable, she still kept the habit of going to the piano shop to practice for an hour after work. Therefore, she never cooked dinner. When she came home, she ate directly, which of course was made by her boyfriend.

Here comes the paradox: she used to practice piano on her own time, but now her partner has to do the same.

His boyfriend, by this time, was not too excited about having a piano-playing girlfriend.

It was more important for him to get home to a hot meal.

This is the shift of "core interests".

As we said at the beginning, the core benefit of love is appreciation, the exchange of emotions; And the core interests of marriage, is to fulfill, is the exchange of value.

In other words, the fact that his girlfriend could play the piano was of little value to him.

Such as:

One girl spent 20 minutes curling her hair every morning. In the early days of their relationship, her boyfriend loved her curly hair because it was pleasing to the eye.

But after a long time, because she had to curl her hair every morning, her boyfriend would complain that it was too much trouble and too much delay.

Essentially, it's because she's violating her boyfriend's interest in sleeping longer, or the value of his time.

I often say: all relationships are interests, marriage and family are the same, but there is a layer of love and affection as a cover.

Indeed, in affection and love, love a person will unconditionally sacrifice for her, unconditionally loyal to him.

But remember one thing: in any relationship, sacrifice means injustice.

Wherever there is injustice in this world, it will be made up in another place, or in another form.

For example, when chasing girls, a lot of guys try their best and do boring things.

Indeed, girls are easy to be moved, many girls just see the men around them are willing to do good to them at all costs, and then choose the best man for them.

However, the final result of this kind of love is often tragic.

Because the boys who make sacrifices will continue to pay for the girls at the beginning, but to a certain stage, will disguised to ask each other to compensate, invisible among the girls have a lot of requirements, girls are often held hostage by the so-called sacrifice of the boys, and even some extreme boys will always be forced to death.

The more developed the society and economy, the more independent people become, this is no longer the era when who can die for whom, or who need whom to die for themselves.

Those who say first preached love you lover, claim for you a good family, to a certain stage will often ask you what to do, or can't go to what to do, this is a disguised form of compensation.

We must see through a trend: the more developed the society is, the more independent people become. In the future, everyone will be an independent individual, and everyone's value will be obvious.

In the future, everything can be quantified, everything can be traded, including a person's time, emotion, all will be priced.

Therefore, in order to get much value in return, you must first have the equivalent value to give.

In fact, whether it is love, marriage, or entrepreneurship, social contact, if we can see the problem from the perspective of value, everything will be solved.

Because value is the highest dimensional thing in the world. From the perspective of value, there is nothing in the world that cannot be seen through.

Here's an example: We've all received gifts from others at some point or another, but have you discovered a "rule of gift-giving"?

People give you things that you can afford, things that you can't afford, no one ever gives you.

Why is that?

In fact, when people give you gifts, they will first measure your value, they will only give you those things within your value.

It can also be understood that when others give for you, they will not give more than you are worth.

Therefore, in order for someone to give you something, you have to be able to afford it yourself.

So remember this truth: No one will pay for more than you're worth.