What is the biggest taboo for counsellors?

Without going into the most taboo ethical red herrings, I'll talk about one of the most important topics regarding the counselor's growth process.

The topic of narcissism in counsellors.

There are a number of hurdles that counsellors have to go through in order to grow and cultivate, and one of the most difficult is narcissism. It can manifest itself in intellectual narcissism (one thinks one knows a lot), role narcissism (one is a psychologist, senior counsellor, etc.), and character narcissism (one's own uncultivated personality flaws). In fact, as one grows as a person, the counsellor will become more and more normal.

Many a counsellor with narcissistic issues, who was originally required to receive long-term counselling as a visitor, but driven by narcissism, ends up refusing to accept help from others and goes off on his own to study psychology and try to fix himself, which gets into a weird circle of growing distrust of others.

They end up in the category of "dangerous counsellors" who are slow to grow, unable to be true to themselves and who do not learn, supervise or have personal experiences.

Narcissism can be destructive in many ways.

For example, there will be a lot of right and wrong distinctions, and it will be easy to label. It can be easy to direct the visitor, to feel that one's way is the right way, and to ignore the needs of the visitor. Some counsellors may also repeatedly hit the visitor and make him/her succumb to their own therapies or techniques. This can cause secondary damage.

The repair of narcissism is often difficult. For example, we have other deficiencies that can be confronted directly, but narcissism at its core requires affirmation. When a counsellor needs affirmation so often in counselling, it is difficult for him to face the real problem, and he may cover it up, please the visitor, or rage and fall off because of the visitor's attacks.

To listen well and to 'take the speaker as a teacher', one needs to let go of one's narcissism. There are several levels of narcissism, the worst of which is Hollow Mind (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). Some counsellors enter the profession with a medical condition, with low social functioning and perhaps a lack of basic social and self-development skills, using psychology as their support, and can be particularly concerned about their sense of role.

When choosing a counsellor, it is advisable to choose someone with a more complete personality, family and emotions. No "deficits". Not taking visitors to fill their inner emptiness.

Secondly, there are counsellors with narcissistic issues who are partially lacking but still good overall. You get the feeling that "he is always right". If you give different opinions and feedback on your feelings, he will keep fixing you with theories and what he thinks is right. The more idealistic the visitor is, the more severely he will be hurt.

The reason narcissism affects the counsellor the most is that all other issues can be overcome relatively quickly by the counsellor as the individual grows. Narcissism, on the other hand, is slow. The lack of narcissism is the underlying problem and it takes a long time to reshape and fill in the missing pieces.

How to judge a counsellor who has a narcissistic growth issue is really quite simple. It is that he doesn't listen to you very well, when you express your true feelings, he will PUA you with theories or opinions that he is good at, he won't easily admit to his shortcomings and has the illusion of completeness inside him.

When you communicate with him, you may often feel overwritten (your personal values are overwhelmed by his), misplaced (he is talking about his) and you feel that the other person is an attempt to confirm his position with a very strong presence.

Often empathy is under-represented. It's not that they don't feel it, it's that they don't want to admit it.

Solid-hearted people have their feet on the ground with every step of growth. The hollow-hearted person, the brighter the outer halo, the darker the inner black child may become. Recognition and praise, never ceasing to be demanded, cannot be filled.