What Happens When a Child Has to Become an Adult

Children raising children - what happens when the parents are extremely busy and barely have a few free moments a day and, more often, when the parent is alone and overworked?

The older child sometimes gets to replace his parents, taking care of his younger brother or sister. It is not uncommon for a child to be primarily cared for and raised by a sibling, with parents leaving this heavy responsibility on their shoulders (sometimes out of necessity, sometimes because they do not realize what they are asking of the older child).

Children raising children: an older sister who takes care of the house and raises her siblings, in the absence of the mother; an older brother, who is forced to make the father of his younger brother or sister, the parents being too little present at home. We hear these stories often - and not just in troubled families.

Overworked parents, who have left home a lot and are preoccupied with their careers, can pass the responsibility for the young child on to the older one, not thinking about the effects of this situation. Especially if the eldest is already a teenager, parents may think that there is nothing wrong with asking him to raise his brother or sister, to be his permanent caregiver, every day.

Children raising children:

The child needs his parents first and foremost. When a small child sees his parents constantly preoccupied with something else, when they are away most of the time and not present in his life, he will think that it doesn't matter to them. He will feel neglected, no matter if his older brother or sister takes care of him.

This is because a child does not only need practical care: safety, food, hygiene, help; but also the feeling of protection, emotional comfort, parental affection. Even if he lacks nothing materially, the lack of parents, their non-involvement affects him, makes him feel unwanted. Another child or adolescent cannot play the role of a parent and cannot give him security, stability, affection, emotional comfort…

The child must remain a child. Even if the eldest can take care of his brother or sister and is doing very well, he is still a child! And to ask a child to do tasks that are normally assigned to a constant adult means to put too much responsibility on his shoulders and force him to mature overnight…

You would steal, in a way, childhood: the child must let him play, fly, enjoy the age of joy and innocence and not have to do it too often the adult… Leave him with the little one every day, ask him to take care of household chores, and care for his brother or sister every day is too much. When you have to spend so much time away from home, a more logical solution is to help one of your grandparents, who can take on these responsibilities.

The adolescent needs freedom and not to become a premature adult. Very busy parents, from morning to evening, may think that a teenager can take care of the younger child. True - but you don't have to be a nanny or a parent!

At the age of adolescence, although it is beneficial to assign some responsibilities in the house, asking her to always stay with her younger brother or sister makes her feel suffocated. The teenager, even if he loves his brother or sister, needs freedom, time with friends, time for school. Not being able to enjoy the age of adolescence because you become an adult prematurely is never a positive thing.

A child, even a responsible one, cannot replace the parent. No matter how much he loves his brother or sister, no matter how able he is to take care of him, to make sure he is safe, to help him with homework, to offer him meals, the older child cannot replace a parent. What does the child learn from another child?

Can a child give him the necessary affection, as well as knowledge, perspectives, motivations, values ​​in life? Especially, can he be an authoritarian figure, imposing rules on the little one and teaching him what is good and what is bad, teaching him what morals and values ​​mean, guiding him to the right path in life? No, he can't, because he is still a child, who suddenly had to take on adult duties!

However, it is beneficial to involve the older brother or sister in the care of the younger child, to encourage him to spend time with him, to care for him, and to give him attention and affection. And giving him some responsibilities is good for him - to make him feel useful and important in the family, to feel the protector of his younger brother or sister and the precious help of his parents.

Show him how important he is to his little brother and sister and how much his little one needs him. Even give him the responsibility to stay with the child sometimes, when you are not at home if he is of the right age. But asking him to be the one who raises the child, who takes care of him every day, should not be an option, even if the eldest is capable of this task!