What Do We Appreciate and What Qualities Are We Looking for in a Partner?

What do we value in a couple of partners - what qualities do we look for in our couple partner, what makes us want him and fall in love at first? Love is not chaotic -, when we choose a partner, certain qualities that we perceive and value in the other come into play.

It is useful to realize what attracts us and what we value about a partner, especially to evaluate these traits and to relate to ourselves - if we ask for something from the partner, shouldn't we also have what it takes? offer?

What we appreciate about our partner:

Physical attractiveness. Most of the time, the future partner of the couple initially attracts our attention by the way he looks! The stimuli that give birth to the attraction are initially the external ones, among which the physical aspect plays an important role (besides the smell and the touches). But this is not the standard of ideal beauty: on the contrary, most of the time, we are attracted to people who have a degree of physical attractiveness close to personal!

So, most of the time, we appreciate a partner who is neither too good to be fair (he would put us in a bad light) nor too ugly (he would also put us in a bad light because we are judged according to by the chosen partner). All psycho-social studies show that, depending on how attractive we consider ourselves, we prefer and choose a partner who falls into the same category as us!

Charisma. But attraction is not only born of the degree of physical attractiveness: there is something more subtle, more impressive, and more conquering than beauty: charisma. Although we cannot say exactly why some are charismatic and why others are not, a person with that je ne sais quoi inevitably attracts us.

Charisma is related to self-confidence, a certain relaxed detachment, personal charm, and the way a person knows how to present and communicate. A charismatic person will immediately guess how to approach us and how to behave with us, conquering us immediately…

Intelligence. What do we appreciate about a partner? His skill and knowledge: to be able to talk about various things, to have varied knowledge, to know how to have an interesting conversation, to know how to present your point of view, to be open and not locked, to have credible arguments…

Most of us do not want a little genius - it would make us feel inadequate, simple- but we want a person who can have interesting conversations, who can tell us new things, from whom we have something to learn, who can stimulate us.

When you find that the person who attracted you is only able to hold a conversation on superficial or uninteresting issues when you find that you do not even have common interests, and especially when you find that the person is not very able to understand things, all your zeal is cut at the root!

Sense of humor. We appreciate and admire a partner's sense of humor - when someone can make us laugh when someone can cheer us up easily when someone can even present an unpleasant situation humorously - it conquers us!

We especially admire the person who can laugh lightly and sincerely about himself - because a person who takes himself too seriously, who thinks himself too important and who can't stand an ironic reply to his address is not very attractive… A partner of the couple we appreciate can make us smile when we have a hard day, to bring a little joy when we feel down.

Similarities. Many love stories are born from the discovery of a resemblance, of common ground between two people. You are immediately conquered by one person when you start a sentence… and the other ends it, understanding exactly what you mean!

Likewise, the sudden discovery that you love the same dish, that you prefer the same band, the same book, the same activity, will draw you to each other and give you a basis to continue the relationship. A resemblance, from the smallest to the most important (values, perspectives) is the one that attracts us to someone and that provides a basis for the beginning of the couple.

We appreciate that the couple's partner shares our interests, preferences, ideas. Moreover, psycho-social studies show that most of us find a stable partner who has a similar social status.

Social and professional success. A self-confident person who is already successful, who knows what he wants from life, who knows how to get what he wants - that's what attracts and appreciates us. Being admired by such a successful person also caresses our pride and makes us feel more valuable.

A strong and self-confident person, an independent and resourceful person, a person who has already started on his path in life, such a person conquers and impresses us.

The need to be cared for/the instinct to take care. When you start a relationship, what you are looking for and appreciating is this compatibility between everyone's needs: some are kind of protective, those who want to take care of a partner; and others are protected, those who need someone stronger with whom to rely on.

These needs are not related to sex: there are protective and protected men - as well as women. But what we are looking for and valuing is the compatibility between these needs: we will not be attracted at all to a person who wants to be cared for, who needs support, if we look for it too - we will look for a strong person who can support us!

His love. What do we value more about a partner than anything else? The fact that he loves us! Feeling loved, wanted, admired, valued is what we all seek and want. A partner who truly loves us and who does not forget to show us his love and desire, through gestures and words, is in the end what we are looking for…