What Are the Most Common Problems That Occur in Children Raised Only by the Mother?

For a child raised only by his mother, life can be difficult at times: he feels that something is missing, he compares himself to other children, he wants to have a father and he misses him, even if he did not have the chance to meet him…

As a mother, she also faces many difficulties: from the budget to the lack of time, to the responsibility of being both parents at the same time - of being her mother, but of trying to replace her missing father as well.

What problems arise for a child raised only by the mother?

Paternal role and maternal role.

In almost all families, parental roles are divided by themselves, without much difficulty: the role of the father is to embody authority, to impose rules, limits of behavior, and sanctions for violating these rules. When the child makes a mistake, the mother often tells him: "wait and see what happens when the father comes home"!

And there is the mother, who almost always has the role of satisfying the need for affection, closeness, communication. The two parents complement each other to fulfill the need for affection, but also the education and control of the child.

But what happens to a child raised only by the mother, when the single mother has to decide on one of the roles or is struggling to fulfill both?

Many times, to ensure a good life for the child, to show him, love, the single mother protects him and keeps exclusively the role of affectivity and communication. But in the absence of the paternal model, of an authoritarian figure to intervene when the child breaks the rules, he can become spoiled and ignore the rules.

In addition, single mothers tend to suffocate their child with affection - both to meet his needs and to feel less alone. Therefore, many times, these children remain dependent on their parents, they cannot separate and they cannot solve the difficulties they go through on their own.

At other times, the single mother realizes what effects the lack of an authoritarian figure can have and takes on this role. And when she imposes rules on rules, she strives to educate the child well, the affectivity, the closeness has to be lost.

This authoritarian role, coupled with the lack of time spent with the child - because single mothers often have to work, affects the child's social development, which may have problems with relationships, closeness, expression of feelings, trust in others.

But what happens to a child raised only by the mother, when she tries to combine roles? It is very difficult to be both an authoritative figure who commands respect and an emotional figure who encourages communication.

It takes talent, communication skills, and the need to explain to the child that one is warmth and affection, the other rules and sanctions. But the child, especially when he is young, cannot understand: he cannot communicate, feel close, and without resentment in front of an adult who has just severely punished him for breaking a rule.

From here, one often reaches one of these situations: either the authoritarian role is not strong enough, the child does not always listen because he knows that he will not be sanctioned, or the emotional role loses its power and the child moves away from his mother.

Family budget.

In some cases, the child raised by the mother alone receives alimony, so the budget situation is not a big deal. But many times, when the father simply disappears, when he is imprisoned, when he died, the financial problems affect the family.

One of the effects of the insufficient budget is that the mother will work most of the day to earn enough money to make a living. But who gives the little child the closeness, affection, human contact so necessary?

Another dilemma arises when the child compares himself to other children and sees that he misses them so much; the child is naive, he doesn't know what the world is like and he can end up hurting his mother, blaming her because he can't afford to have an MP3 / phone/toy too… The mother can only try to explain the situation to him.

When the child grows up, the financial situation will probably force him to take a part-time job: which is good, because he will learn responsibility, he will see the value of money and work. But he is bad for his studies because he will never be able to give everything he can at school.

Family as a model in life.

The lack of a family model, of the conjugal couple, of the paternal model, all can influence the child raised only by the mother to face distrust in the idea of ​​family, with distrust in the future life partners. If the father has left the family, the general distrust of people, loyalty, of fidelity will be affected.

A little girl will grow up in a woman who finds it hard to trust men, for fear of starting a family, for fear of being abandoned like her mother. A boy will grow up with a sense of rejection of the idea of ​​family, of doubt that there can be a united and happy family.

Of course, a fatherless childhood can have the opposite effect: over-valuing the idea of ​​family and the desire to start one's own large and happy family. You have no way of knowing how your child will develop - all you can do is try to give him a happy, emotional, warm childhood.

Tips for single mothers

The truth about my father. A child raised only by his mother may have feelings of self-blame if his father left you when he was already born. He may think it's his fault, so tell him he has nothing to do with it, tell him why his father left.

The truth is the best solution. Don't try to protect him too much from the truth - one day, he will find out: tell him his meaning and what happened.

Visit. If the father cheated and left the family or if he is imprisoned in the penitentiary, the child still has the right to know him, to know who and where his father is, and to visit him.

Many mothers believe that they protect their child and keep him away from visits, but if the child wants to, fulfill his wish and provide him with time with his father.

The family. It is essential that a child raised only by his mother still has the feeling of a united family: if he does not have a brother/sister, gather your family: grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, as often as possible to offer warm days with loved ones.

Paternal model. Give him a fatherly pattern; if you don't remarry, it's okay, especially for boys - who feel the need to do some male activities, such as various sports - to make sure they spend time with a close man: grandfather, uncle, older cousin, nose, Family friend.

Time with the little one. Even if you work most of the day and when you get home you just want to lie in bed, dedicate at least half an hour a day to a conversation with the child: when he is small, play games, then talk to each other about the day.

Affectivity vs. authority. Try to keep a balance between giving him the necessary warmth (but without over-protecting him and letting him handle himself) and imposing rules and limits on him. He does not tolerate breaking the rules too often and does not exaggerate with sanctions.

When he is wrong, show him what he has done wrong and why and explain his reason for paying for his mistakes. When he does something good, don't forget to praise him. Even if when you punish him he shouts that he hates you, he does not soften you: he will get over the upset and you will be able to solve the situation with a warm discussion after a while.

Sincerity. When he is nervous and blames you for not allowing yourself to buy everything other children have, don't get upset and don't yell at him: try to explain to him and try, with sacrifices, to give him at least for the day but something he wants.

Identification with the father. If the missing father is a negative role model (he is locked up in the penitentiary, has left the family), the older child will have doubts about himself: if he becomes like his father?

It is only known that parents pass on their personality traits to their children! So whenever he asks you if he looks like his father, tell him no! Show him that he is different from his father and that he will not have the same future!