Transmuting Pain Into Power

Today is the day that my late wife would have turned 45, and although she is no longer physically present on this 3rd dimensional plane, her spirit is always residing within my heart.

The morning she left this world, was the day that this world changed forever. I was sitting out in the front yard as they took her away, and I asked if there was any new scientific possibility to bring her back, I was in a profound amount of pain, and could not fathom living my life without my twin flame at my side.

On the surface the world was still spinning and people were living their lives as normal, but for me, the world I had known was gone, my center of gravity was gone, my sanity was hanging on by a thread, and the one thing that truly helped guide me to where I needed to be, was the conversations we had about what each of us were to do, in the event something as disastrous as one of us passing before the other should happen. My late wife always told me that she felt like her mission in this life was to save mine.

I decided to begin the healing process at an accelerated pace. I began doing research into different modalities such as neurofeedback training, exposure therapy, talk therapy, exercise for endorphin release, meditation, consciousness expansion, and Reiki. My wife wanted me to go back to school and become a doctor, she always told me I was very intelligent, and told me that I was one of the only people she had ever met that she held in such high esteem as Jesus, so with all of the pure hearted, compassionate and truly sincere love she showed me throughout the 11 years we were together, I had enough inner motivation to get from where I was to where I wanted to be.

I have devoted my life to healing, my own healing first and foremost, which I have made great strides in, and also helping others to heal from trials that they have faced in their lives. I have found that when you approach any situation with true compassion in your intention, it has a way of allowing people a safe space in which allows them to begin their own healing journey. I had a very good friend who was a what I referred to as a thera-friend, we would get together atleast once a day and just talk about what was going on, not just in our lives, but within ourselves, she was one of my late wife's best friends, and after my wife passed she became mine.

There was a presence of mutual respect, compassion and love involved in this friendship that truly helped me to open up to the healing process in a way that I otherwise, probably would not have been able to do.

A year to the day after my wife passed, my friend and I were out at a place known as the spirit tree, where I had spread my wife's ashes, and although the healing process was underway, there was unresolved issues within me that I did not know were there. I had a full psychiatric break where I began to hear things that were not there, and was shortly then thereafter diagnosed with schizophrenia.

I have come to the conclusion atleast for myself, that my schizophrenic diagnosis was due to the weight of the grief I felt as well as the way in which I was managing my health, or not managing it as well as I thought I was. When we repress emotional trauma for years, pushing it deep down as it arises, instead of addressing it as it does, it can, atleast in my case, manifest in ways that are very scary.

I now do not allow a day to go by with unresolved emotional turbulence in my life, if a situation happens that is emotionally concerning, I deal with it as it comes, to prevent a build up of toxic emotional residue within my energetic field.

I am so grateful for the opportunity I had to walk my unique path which I have walked, and also so eternally blessed to have had the time I did with my late wife. I live my life each day with purpose, and I aspire to help everyone that comes into my life to heal in whatever way I can provide the space that is necessary for them to do so.

The most important thing I wish to emanate in this article, is this, Love is the most powerful emotional force in this world, and when you have known the depth of true love, and have healed from the pain that the loss of someone you loved with every atom of you being can create, it creates great space within oneself so that they can become a conduit for others to heal.

We all have a unique purpose in this world, and we all have our paths to walk, don't ever allow that which is happening outside of yourself to determine how you feel within, for as it has been said by Jesus, The Kingdom Of God Is Within.

Brightest Blessings.