Toby's Adventures

Perfect... but there is something missing... Where?

Toby pats his front, then back pockets. Nope. He checks in his hoodie. No. He slaps his titty. Not in the shirt pocket either. Why does he always lose the damn thing?

"Arrgerr!"

Toby jumps off the chair and shoves the leg-rest down hard. The recliner shrieks and folds with a thud. He watches it rock slowly, like a fresh trauma victim. He should control his anger.

He tosses his fuzzy blanket aside. It's the only fuzzy blanket he owns, which he stole last year from Mart Wall. He made sure to bring it this weekend because he knows his grandma's house is drafty. He will be alone for a few days and no one will see this extremely feminine moment: Toby Pill and his soft blanket.

He searches between the cushion folds and shudders. He's gonna ignore whatever he just touched. It's not in the couch, so he picks up the blanket and shakes it aggressively. The vape hits the floor and slides across the tile. Toby acquires his Juul and puts it in his mouth taking a hit of nicotine.

He wraps himself in the absurdly fuzzy blanket and relaxes into his grandma's chair. Perfect...

Now he can masturbate in peace.

"'Rona isn't so bad. It's pretty chill." He says it out loud because it makes him feel less alone.

An hour later he's bored.

Toby hits his vape again. Grandma is the only family member he actually likes and she just had to get COVID. Everything will be fine because she's tough, but he's mildly worried. Things have been off lately. Off as in utterly-fucking-depressing. He can't help but freak just a little. He doesn't want to lose, literally, the only person who still loves him.

He was hyped to have the place to himself, but it's weird. It's so cold and empty. Masturbating is all he had planned and now he's bored. The internet is dodgy and her VHS player is broken. He can see why his grandma is dying, and why he's the only one who volunteered to watch the house. There is nothing to fucking do.

It's just me and my thoughts. Super.

This past year everyone has lost their fucking minds. His ex-girl cheated on him with his psychology advisor known as, "We're just friends." It doesn't bother him. They were 'just friends' for three months. It really doesn't bother him. Ever since the pandemic hit he's been desensitized to feeling alone. Nothing will ever bother him again... accept the migraines. He stops grinding his teeth, but it's too late. Once a migraine hits it won't stop for a while.

He snags some Tylenol from the bathroom and catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He's a wreck. He hasn't shaved in months because there is no point. The only people who see him these days are his parents and sister and they're a bunch of cunts. He goes outside, only for his mom's errands but it doesn't help their relationship. In her eyes he's just a freeloader.

The masks do have perks and he likes wearing them. He has pretty eyes, plus it's disgusting how easy theft is when everyone looks sketch. He'll snag something every once in a while on principal, but lately even stealing has lost its charm.

A loud knock at the door scares the shit out of him.

"Toby are you in there?"

He recognizes the voice.

"Yeah?!" He grunts. Who the fuck?

He barely had time to zip his jeans when the door dramatically swung open. The light outside is too bright, but his eyes adjust in a second. In the doorway a stranger smiles and waves at him. His heart feels like a helium balloon inflating and popping over and over again. Who would rob his grandma's house? Does he have a gun? After a minute Toby's face shifts from confusion, to recognition, surprise, then back to confusion. What is he doing here?

He looks entirely different from the kid he knew 4 years ago. What jogs his memory is the trademark floppy, ushanka hat he wore every day, all four years of high school. The mark of the stoner tribe. The flannel is linty and old and the faux-fur is greasy from years of swapping heads in the smoke circle. This was best friend from high school.

"Toby! What the fuck is up man?" He points to his hat. "It's Wolfe!" He takes it off and tosses it to Toby. "I knew you wouldn't recognize me unless I brought that."

"Wolfe? What the Hell are you doing here? How did you find me?" Toby's guard is on high alert only because the Wolfe he knew was a delinquent. If that ship sailed then he is probably a hardened criminal by now.

"I saw you leave the corner store, but you were already driving away when I waved, so I followed you home."

He remembers someone waving at him, but at the time he immediately wrote it off as strange. Thinking back it was definitely this guy, allegedly his former friend Wolfe, but what about the car? The rando at the corner store drove number 7 in Toby's top ten Dream Cars of All Time, which is why it was strange.

Toby steps into the daylight and swings his head around to see for himself. Sitting in idle is a black and silver 1973 BMW E9. This car is pure sex. His mouth drops to the floor, then snaps shut again.

"What are you a stalker?"

"Pretty good at it too thanks."

"Wait. If you followed me home? Why didn't you knock an hour ago?" He can feel his neck get hot. If this man saw him nut in his fuzzy blanket and slippers...

That's still not as bad as last week and he's alive from that encounter. His mom's disapproving voice is burned in his memories, "I'm glad we never got you a cat when you were little." He was just bored watching anime... and the cat girls... the cat girls! She casually picked up his laundry, as if his dick wasn't in his hand and walked out.

"I went and picked up the rest of the gang. None of us have seen you since you left for college."

"Oh."

He didn't know what to say. On one hand it was nice to see his old friend, but on the other, it's creepy and weird. He just pops in with two other guys and what? So much has happened, so much time for friends to grow apart. It would be useless talking to any of them. They are all strangers now, they have all changed for better or worse.

"What do you guys want?" Toby asks peering into the car. He can't make out faces but he's sure his old friends are staring at him from the back seat. "Are we supposed to reminisce or something?"

Ah the good ole days. Like the time Wolfe and Toby first met? Desperately clutching their junk, and running like hell while upperclassmen chucked eggs from a red dually. The jack asses even took their socks, all they had were P.E. shoes which is just wrong.

Toby squeezes Wolfe's hat until his knuckles turn white. It all started when he needed a gym partner. If he had chosen anyone else, things would be different. People used to know Toby's name until Wolfe came around. If Toby was more confident Elizabeth probably wouldn't have cheated on him either.

"Um surrreee... we were going to go geo cashing, but we can talk about high school if you want!"

"No thank you. And sorry I can't. I have to watch my grandmas house. She has Covid." Toby turns to shut the door. Back to my long list of plans for today.

"Dayum! Grams got 'Rona and you're takin care of her? What a sweetie."

"Well..."

"Sorry man! We didn't mean to be rude. Another time yeah?"

"Yeah."

He watches Wolfe jog back to his car, His really nice car. Toby isn't finished in college and is buried miles upon miles in student debt. He won't be making that kind of money in a long time... assuming his school ever re-opens.

"Hey! Whose car is that?!" He shouts after him.

Wolfe stops when he gets to the curb and turns around.

"I don't know. I stole it!"

"Oh. Well. Have a nice day!"

Toby waves at them and shuts the door.

"Toby you dick-gyna I'm joking!"

He reopens his door and squints at the grinning idiot.

"You forgot your hat!" He says throwing it. It lands four feet in front of him which is emasculating.

"Keep it. It will bring good luck!" With that his old friend gets in his car and slams the door laughing. Laughing at him?

He ghosted Wolfe for a reason. The kid was always a weirdo. He was nice and all, but he just didn't get it. Once Toby asked him to stop wearing the stupid hat but Wolfe laughed and asked, "How would anyone recognize me?" It seems he was partially right. Toby grabs the hat and scuttles inside hoping to be done with this whole thing.

As soon as Toby left for school he buried his past. He didn't mean to at first, but it had to go. He put everything including his friends in a mass grave and hasn't looked back. He shuts the front door and sits back in his grandma's recliner. He hits his Juul and shivers. Why is it so cold in this damn house?

Fuck it! He pulls the hat on his head, ignoring the stale crusty smell. It's warm and comfortable. He sits there for a moment taking hits of nicotine. He doesn't know why but he feels sad. Something about this hat triggers memories of his past. Not the bad memories, but the good ones with Wolfe and the rest of his friends.

He didn't have anything else going on Today. He should have gone with them. It's been so long since he's hung out with anyone. They're probably gone by now.

He walks to the kitchen and grabs a pickle, a jar of olives, and some oatmeal frosted cookies from the cabinet. On his way back he passes the kitchen window and pauses. He nudges the curtain open just a little. Wolfe's car is still parked at the curb.

He hears a knock. Toby hurries and opens the door. Wolfe, Peter, and Dan. It is weird to see all of them together. Everyone looks so different. Taller, hair cuts, facial hair, and normal clothes.

"We were going to go, but since your grandma has Covid it felt wrong to just leave. Um. Dan said he'd mow the lawn or something." At that Dan punches Peter's arm.

"I said we should help. Why are you volunteering me for the physical labor?"

"Because it was your idea stupid. Ah! Look Donny! He's wearing the hat!" Peter says elbowing Wolfe.

Wolf smiles.

"Well I'll be damnnned! Looks lie' we got a GENUINE COWBOY!"

"Um no. It's cold okay? And also my grandma isn't here. I'm just watching her house while she's at the hospital."

"Ohhhh." They say all at once. It gets quiet for a second.

"So... uh... whatchu watchin it from pardner?" Peter whispers.

"Shoot... Aint got no robbers 'round these parts." says Wolfe.

"I'll reckon he's just scared... of the wild wild west boys..." Dan joins in.

"Woooaahhh now... My boy aint no scared of the wild wild west fellas!" Wolfe says offended. He puts a hand on Toby's shoulder.

"He was born in the west."

"He bled in this here west." Peter follows.

"He is the West." Dan finishes.

Toby takes off the stupid hat.

"This isn't even a cowboy hat fuckers!"

They laugh

"You can still come geo cashing with us."

Toby doesn't say anything. Sooner or later they'll get the hint. It only takes a minute for Wolfe. With a solemn look he puts his hand on Peter and Dan's shoulders and leads them off the porch.

"Come on guys. It's getting dark and I don't think he wants to come with us."

They walk away defeated.

"What happened to him?" He heard one say quietly.

Toby thinks about the cold empty room waiting for him inside. He's got nothing else going on...

"Wait! Let me get some shoes!"

"And take a shower!" Peter pipes up.

"Brush your teeth!" Wolfe chimes in.

"Your beard reminds me of Donny's Mom's pussy!" Dan shouts after him.

Toby kicks off his slippers and grabs some sneakers. He grabs his wallet, phone, and an extra juul pod. He walks back outside, witnessing Wolfe tackling Dan to the ground. He has Dan Pinned and is smashing his face into the ground.

"What?!... What are ya gonna do Donny? Ha Ha Ha." Toby hears between Dan's giggling. Toby has to hide the grin on his face.

"Donny get off em', your Mom's pussy is back."

Wolfe leaps from Dan and charges Peter's knees. This made Dan laugh harder. He clutches his side gasping for breath.

"Since when do ya'll call him Donny?" Toby asks Dan while they watch Peter and Wolfe tackle each other.

"Few years back. His ex girlfriend wouldn't call him Wolfe, so she tried Donald. It didn't stick, but neither did she. Anyway while they were dating she and everyone called him Donny. That's just how it went. It sucked for him."

"What do you mean?"

"Imagine thinking of your ex every time someone called your name man."

"Yeah that would suck."

"S'all good though. I bet he gets hard when you call him Wolfe. No one's called him that in years."

"That's all I've ever known him as."

"Yeah... It's weird." He looks at Toby quizzically for a second then says, ""Yo! Let's go. Cowboy says we're burnin' daylight!"

The two stop fighting like nothing happened. Everyone gets in the car. Wolfe goes to the drivers and Dan goes to the passenger. Peter goes for the back seat and opens the door for Toby.

"M' lady."

"Fuck you."

Peter laughs but Toby stays quiet. He kind of means it. Fuck these guys. How can they be so casual and happy? How the hell can Wolfe afford this car? What has he missed all these years? Toby puts Wolfe's hat in his hoodie pocket. He'll give it back later.