To Love and Leave In Happiness

Nothing lights my soul up more than seeing the city skyline and being around some of the most breathtaking spots in Chicago.

I would feel so filled up from within, and every time I would wish that I had someone to share this experience with.

A year later, after 30 plus Tinder, Ok Cupid, and Hinge rejections, I met someone really special who I was finally able to share my best highs with.

"Wow you really know how to take a guy out!" He exlaimed, on our first date, where we walked two miles down the most popular street in Chicago to hit Oak Street Beach. We sat on the sand, alone on the beach when we shared our first kiss.

On our second date, I kept everything we were doing a total surprise. I pulled out a lighter, and he gave me a really bad look. "You know I can't smoke weed right? I'm in the marines."

I laughed, as I took the candles I brought for us to make s'mores together on the Chicago Riverwalk.

On our third date, I screamed and hugged him tight for surprising me with a trip to a local vegan restaurant. The one surprise I never got in my love life yet, I had always wanted.

He was perfect. He listened to what I wanted, and would always try to meet those needs. He treated me so well and always told me that was what I deserved. He always listened to me. He always made me laugh, and had a great mindset.

But this isn't the happy ending where we end up in a relationship and get married.

This is the unexpected happier ending where we won't be able to be together.

Where life actually has something even better in store for both of us.

He was in the marines, based 2,000 miles away, and it was normal for him to not talk to someone for a week or two. He also wanted six kids, and I was incompatabile with both of these situations. Big attention is probably my number one need, and I never want to have kids.

But this bittersweet experience was one of the biggest blessings in my life.

It taught me to just let go and love.

Knowing I would only see him for such a limited time, and then possibly never again, I focused on just giving love to him.

Mostly in my love life, I'm working so hard to be enough for the other person to love me. Now don't get me wrong, I was still doing this, but a big part of my focus began to shift at times.

Sometimes he would text back a couple hours late, and all the fears arose in me. I'm not enough. Again. He doesn't like me that much. I have to change and do whatever it takes to be loved.

But I began to let go. I can't control someone else. I'm only gonna see him for such a small time frame. I'm just gonna let go and love him.

I knew in my gut that he did like me, and whatever did really happen, didn't matter. If he ended up not liking me as much, not treating me how I wanted to, did it really matter? I was just gonna give him love and that was enough. We only had so much time.

Plus, if he didn't like me, I would have the experience of giving love and would be better developed to become who I needed to be when the right relationship comes.

I spent so much time in the past, figuring out how to change to become better, how to get guys to actually chase you, what to do when guys lose interest, but it wasn't even about that anymore.

Now that's important of course, but fuck it, I just wanted to give love.

Either I would give all the love I could and that would be enough.

Or I would give love, be treated like shit, neglected, and rejected. But later on sent to someone so much better. Someone who would make me so happy I was left and treated like shit in the past because it would lead to them.

So I decided to give love. And it was one of the best choices I've ever made in my whole life. Saying goodbye, was rough. But it makes my heart happy to remember all the incredible life experiences we shared together, and that I got to leave one of the most incredible souls who treated me so well with a lot of love and shared happiness.