Things to Think About Before Marriage and What Fears Might Arise?

What should you think about before you get married, before you take the big step, and before you get caught up in the middle of your wedding preparations, which won't give you time to think? Although it may seem strange and funny to some, premarital counseling classes and sessions have their purpose: to help young people think about their future together, to analyze the compatibility between them, and to make the big step better prepared.

Even if you feel that the love between you is strong, even if you feel enthusiastic about marriage and even if you understand each other perfectly, before marriage it is preferable to think and discuss some aspects so that the marriage will not bring you surprises. unpleasant.

Marriage is a big step (even when you don't believe in marriage to the death), a change that naturally gives rise to fears and it is important to think and talk about those fears.

It is very normal to be a little afraid - this is a sign that you are taking the big step seriously and that you are thinking about what will happen next. To ignore the realities with innocence and idealism and to feel nothing but enthusiasm for marriage, however, is not so good: now you are in love and so you think that everything will be wonderful, but life together is never easy and you have to think about less romantic aspects…

Although it doesn't sound romantic or passionate at all, it is good for future spouses to think about some issues and discuss them before marriage. What would be the most important things?

Why do you want to get married? If the answer is not "because we love each other and because we want to create a life together", then you need to think a little more about what you are going to do. Sometimes, you rush a marriage for the wrong reasons: because you are tired of loneliness; because you want security (financial or otherwise); because you want to get away from home; because you always dreamed of your wedding day; because all friends get married; because you have reached a certain age…

Do not plan a wedding with the only thought of the wedding and not what is to come and do not get married if you do not love each other!

Do you think that the relationship will change after marriage? In what way? Are you afraid of change or, on the contrary, do you hope that your partner will make some changes to him/her? A very important aspect to think about and discuss before marriage.

This is because women often hope that their partner will change once they get married, that they will become more "serious" (often unrealistic hope, especially when not talking to him), while men hope that the relationship and partner will remain way (but it will change over time)… Talk about your expectations and fears about marriage. Also talk about what you would change for each other because it is much better, to be honest, and talk about what is not perfect, than to hope in silence that the other will change…

Couple time vs. individual time. Here is another aspect that would be preferable to discuss before marriage as seriously as possible, no matter how superficial it may seem to you. What will change in your time - if you already live together, the change is less visible.

And yet, sometimes one of the partners expects the other to spend most of his free time at home after marriage and to give up individual activities, meetings with friends, and hobbies. She expects him to come straight home, he expects her not to go out alone… It is important to clarify what your expectations are and what your misunderstandings are. Ideally, you should know that both of you will need to keep some of your independence and spend time alone, individually.

Being married does not have to be the same as being close to each other! Everyone will need time, everyone will have to keep their friends and interests, otherwise, not long after, the marriage will suffocate one of you…

Do you want children? If so, how many? When? And what do you think about raising them - an authoritarian style or an empathetic one? Is raising a child, especially in the first years of life, the major task of the mother or both parents to the same extent?

First of all, before you get married, it is important to know that your desires to become parents are compatible, because getting married to someone who does not want children, hoping that in time he changes his mind, is a wrong step and a bad start in marriage. A person who does not want children has his reasons - to think that he will change his mind, that he will mature, or that you will convince him/her is the wrong way to look at the situation.

Because either you fit in as life partners or you don't! What will you do if your partner never wants children? Will you try to do them without his knowledge ?! Another important thing to discuss: both the child's upbringing style and especially what you think about the roles of mother and father! Because, unfortunately, some men eagerly want children, but who naively think that they won't have to do too much - only the mother will stay at home with them, right?…

How do you share your tasks at home? What do you think - fair sharing or the woman with the household? Speak honestly and seriously about this, because most of the conflicts in the marriage are created by the unequal division of domestic tasks. Some men think that a wife will normally do these tasks, but their wife does not agree at all! See if you can come up with something out of the ordinary, out of the ordinary.

How will you manage your marriage budget? Another delicate subject that you better talk about before marriage! First of all, think about how much money each of you earns and if one of you feels inferior because of the lower salary. Your gains must not lead to power struggles and imbalances!

Once married, the one who earns less must be proud, and not envious, of his life partner's achievements. You also talk about how you will manage your budget, what accounts you will have, and if everyone will have a personal amount of expenses. Especially, plan how you will save money together, because many problems arise from reckless spending…