The Sunrise

How did her life turn out this way? She kept trying to picture the chain of events that led to this, but everything was fuzzy, out of focus. Perhaps that was the alcohol. She looked at the empty bottle with sadness. Whether she was sad that it was gone or that she drank it in the first place, she didn’t know.

She slowly wobbled into a standing position and walked out the front door. She didn’t have a destination in mind but anywhere was better than home. Home. The word didn’t fit anymore, it sounded like a cruel joke. It was filled with tainted memories and lies. How strange it felt to be discarded so... thoroughly. She reached up to her chest searching for the steady thump of her heart, almost expecting not to find it. If her father were here he would know exactly what to say to give her comfort. But his funeral had been five hours ago. Those five short hours had felt like several lifetimes.

She thought back to earlier that day after they had returned home from the funeral. She sat at the table while her wife, Julie, lingered in the doorway. She stared at the table, broken, not knowing that the next words spoken would shatter her beyond repair.

“I’m leaving you,” Julie had whispered.

It didn’t even seem real. Even after Julie said she was leaving her for him. Everything after that turned into a gray blur of tears, screaming, and nothingness.

She looked up at the night sky as a bird flew over. She instantly thought of her dad and his love for all living things. She almost smiled as she remembered the wild barn owl that used to wait on her father’s back porch. Everyday without fail it would swoop down just after sunset and wait patiently with large, intelligent eyes. Her dad had even been able to pet it a few times but never when anyone else was around. They all joked with him that he was making it up but he remained adamant. Her father had always said that the owl represented happiness, peace, and light. It always sounded silly to her but at the same time, she was amazed that something that small could mean so much to him. Her mother said the owl hadn’t been back since her father had passed, which made sense somehow.

She put her head down and kept walking. Well, wandering was probably the better word. She didn’t even know where she was anymore. She was surrounded by nothing but darkness. She barked out a quick laugh and said to no one, “Fitting.” She closed her eyes and tried to find another happy memory--anything for her to hold on to and pull her out of this void. Her mind instinctually flashed to her wedding day four years ago. It had been her favorite memory for the last few years, the one she could always turn to when she was down. Even that was now contaminated. Picturing Julia smiling as she walked down the aisle made her physically ill. Her eyes widened. Make that literally ill. She turned off the pathway and puked into the bushes. She stood, hunched over, with her hands on her knees for who knows how long.

Her thoughts flashed to an office party three years ago that she had taken Julie to. Julie was beautiful and she couldn’t wait to show her off to her new work friends. That was the first time she had introduced Julie to her coworker, Brandon. After that night Brandon had quickly become her closest confidant and the three of them were almost inseparable. Now, as the horrible realization settled in her stomach, she knew why.

She reared back and screamed into the night, not caring if anyone was near her, not caring about anything. She started running, letting her tears fall. She ran for what felt like forever. Finally, her steps slowed and she came to a stop as her feet found what felt like concrete. She was on a bridge. She let out her breath and blinked away her tears. Looking down she thought, just two steps and it’s all over. She closed her eyes and took a step.

A gentle whoosh of wind stroked her face causing her to open her eyes. Just one foot to her left was a large barn owl that had landed on the side of the bridge. He stared at her patiently with intelligent eyes. She reached out hesitantly and stroked the bird’s head. As the sun rose, she smiled and sat down, hanging her feet over the edge.

“Thanks, Dad,” she said.