The Recipe for Unhappiness

It happens: you feel attracted to or even fall in love with a married person (or who has a stable relationship). Of course, either you didn't know her situation from the beginning, or you were told that "her relationship is already dead" or that she is "about to divorce" (or break up).

In any case, "the harm is already done" and you can't take your thoughts from him/her, even though you know that he/she is not yet fully available…

You tell yourself that if his relationship is ending anyway, you are not doing anything wrong and you have a chance to build a new relationship with the person in question. You tell yourself that everyone has the right to a new trial and that you are the right partner for him/her, as opposed to (soon) your ex.

However, why should you never start a relationship with a married person?

First of all, is what he tells you true ?? Some say that their relationship is coming to an end, that they are about to divorce or separate, that it is only a matter of time and practical details. But you wake up that time passes and the separation still does not take place: thus you reach the position of a lover.

It's not a good idea at all, but you have to ask yourself: are you being told the truth, or are you an occasional escape from home for the married person ?? In addition, if he/she considers his / her relationship to be over, surely his / her spouse sees things the same way? It happens that while one partner plans the separation, the other is completely ignorant, happy in his ignorance; and then you end up in an ungrateful situation.

If it is true that the relationship is having problems and that the spouses are planning to break up, you still need to be realistic and think that often, after many years together, the partners do not break up.

There are many chances that the person you fell in love with will not leave home: maybe he still has feelings for his partner and decides to solve the problems; or he may not have the courage to leave, to part with the comfort and convenience of a stable relationship (if there are children, the situation is even clearer).

Never forget that a person who has not yet completely ended a relationship or a marriage has a huge "emotional baggage", he has his problems to solve, which makes building a new stable relationship almost impossible!

The person needs time alone to clarify some things, to reach emotional balance, to know what he wants in the future. To her, another relationship may seem like an escape, so she's pulling you in, but that's not the answer.

Another important thing to think about: for a married person (or in a stable relationship) who is unhappy, a new relationship, a new partner gives him the illusion of saving, escaping trouble, a new beginning. She thinks she can leave all the problems behind and run away and you are seen as the solution to her unhappiness.

Many times, you are idealized, you are fantasy rather than a person in the flesh. He or she sees you as the "savior" (but, as has been said, only he or she can solve his or her problems, and until he or she settles his or her relationship, you don't have to get involved).

The person who runs away from a relationship without clearly solving the problems will encounter the same problems in a new relationship! If something goes wrong with his / her partner and he/she just looks elsewhere, then what makes you think he/she won't be the same with you?

There are some people who, after a time of relationship, always find dissatisfaction and look for escape and happiness outside, in a new partner. Won't you suffer exactly what is happening to your current spouse?

You don't have to share your loved one with anyone else! You don't have to just sit with someone who isn't exactly available and can't give you as much. If he still avoids breaking up, then you don't have to wait patiently until he finally decides (that moment may never come).

For a while, it may seem exciting, but it's not worth it. Encourages the person, if he/she says that he/she wants to leave his / her partner, to discuss and clarify everything with his / her spouse, to complete everything; only then can you afford to get involved, step by step, although it is better to give it some time and post-parting.

Remember: even if you are told that "the relationship was already dead", the partner of the person you fell in love with may not think the same. In any case, even if you are not the one who removed and separated them, you will be seen by many as the reason, as the "divider", as the unscrupulous man who got between two spouses…