What Do You Do When You Develop an Unhealthy Obsession with Your Ex-partner?

"It's over, I want to break up" - words that destroy in an instant what has been built for months or years, that destroy our security, stability, dreams, and vision of life. But when the relationship was meaningful, when you got involved body and soul and built something by giving everything you had, it can't end so simply! The relationship may have died, but his ghost may haunt you for a long time…

Maybe the person initiating the breakup is ready to move on, but you can't! Worse, it can happen that you simply get stuck, as if time is running out for you as if all you can live in the past. And so a very unhealthy obsession can develop for the ex-partner and the former relationship.

What do you do when you develop an unhealthy obsession with your ex-partner?

The obsession with someone/something prevents you from thinking and acting rationally - you probably realize that too, but you don't feel like you have anything to do, that you have a way to escape. Just like during the relationship with your ex, he or she was at the center of your life, even now, without his or her will. He still has power over you, even though he is no longer with you. What has power over you is obsessive thoughts, emotions that are far too overwhelming to control.

First of all, you have to realize in time that your whole perspective on the relationship and your ex-partner is purely subjective, is idealized, and does not reflect reality at all. Nostalgia makes you look at everything distorted, it seems to you that you have lost something essential, even that you have lost a part of yourself.

You are obsessed with the thoughts of the beautiful moments spent together and you can only be stuck in this nostalgia. However, try to realize that not everything was so good and beautiful: it ended for a reason, right? And no matter how much you want to relive the past, sometimes it's good to leave it buried: even if there is a chance to reconcile with your ex, do you think it will work miraculously better this time?

Get rid of the idea that he or she was the only partner for you and that he or she was better than you! This is where your unhealthy obsession comes from: you stubbornly believe that you will not find someone else suitable, you despair at the idea that only he or she was for you, and you will be left alone if you do not reconcile.

Moreover, you disregard yourself and create an unrealistic image of the former: honestly, was he that great? Or just can't give up on the relationship you've invested so much in ?? The more you invest (feelings, time, things), the easier it is for your obsession to control you.

Get rid of anything, absolutely any guilt !! Stop obsessive ideas like "if I were more loving", "if I offered more", "if I did x or y"… if, if, if. But it's not your fault!

And it doesn't make much sense to blame - he or she wanted to go their separate ways, what is the point of creating possible alternatives: what would it be like if… Do you have to accept what it is, not live with such ideas? about how it could have been.

Try, day in and day out, to break contact, no matter how much it hurts. Both direct contact: do not be fooled that you can be "friends only" so quickly after the breakup, as well as indirect contact with things that bring back too vivid memories.

Avoid places that were yours, put things from him or her in a hidden place, try not to live in a cemetery of the end relationship, even if you find it difficult. DO NOT obsessively follow his accounts on social networks, celebrate every day you refrained from "seeing what curiosity he is posting"!

Sometimes, when you have an obsession with your ex-partner, it seems like you can't work anymore. One moment everything is normal (as much as possible) so that in the next moment the wave of pain overwhelms you and you feel incapable of anything.

No matter how cliché it sounds, you have to remember: over time, it gets easier. But only if you don't give in to the tide. That's why it's important to keep busy, even if you don't feel like it. Your job, your friends - these are the two lifeboats! Slowly, you begin to resume your life - and if you can, it's good to make a change.

Don't get involved in a "dressing-up" relationship! No matter how horrible it is to be alone, to sleep alone, try to get through this ordeal bravely, without looking for a temporary partner to keep you afloat. Dressing relationships don't cure you, only you can heal.

Obsession is an obsession, so you can't get rid of it in two or three steps. Don't blame yourself for the memories, but try not to get too stuck with them. What you need to regain is control over your person, over your own life. And you will succeed, but you have to take it one step at a time.