The Juxtaposition of Bellatra & Earth

No one can hear a scream in the vacuum of space, or so they say. At least, that’s what they tell their young down on Earth, the blue planet third from Pittacus, their Sun. They have these strange seemingly arbitrary rules about motion, space, time, the nature of their world, and they have deemed them all, science. The bumbling apes have spent millennia refining their “knowledge” and have only until very recently made anything resembling progress. They have only traveled to their moon and no where else outside their small blue rock.

What’s even crazier is that they can’t breathe the substance that dominates their planet, but we’re getting too far off track, back to the point of today’s lecture. They are so far behind our common knowledge that they tell themselves untrue statements to explain their existence. Maybe it’s that their sound receptacles can’t perceive our messages to them. Our occasional experiments on their kind have been inconclusive. It seems each of them is somewhat biologically different, but on a very minute level. They all seem to share a common ancestor, but their language, culture, and religion vary widely.

Their scream is also different from our scream. Ours is a declaration of life, a proclamation of virility. Theirs is an exclamation of horror, an alarm to those around. It is a plea for help. We Bellatrians fear nothing. We fall to nothing. We conquer. We dominate. We control. Humanity on the other hand is far too split to have any lasting impact outside their own measly rock. It’s a wonder they haven’t gone extinct from how much they kill one another. If they would stop being so asinine and actually work together, they have the potential to be a major force in the entirety of existence. In fact, given enough time, a fight against them may even be satisfying. Yet, they continue to squabble like toddlers pining for the next shiny object. When will they learn?

Maybe a better question is why haven’t we conquered them yet? Because it would be too easy. There’s no fun in an assured victory. Plus, the way most of them live their lives is entertaining. They make the same mistakes over and over, yet wonder why they’re so miserable.

You’ll have to forgive me class, I keep getting derailed. You’re here today as you’ve all been hand selected to experience first-hand life as a human. Your job is merely field work. Combat is strictly prohibited and to be avoided at all costs. I know this is cumbersome, but you are doing the empire a great favor and it shall be repaid to you seventy fold. You have each been given an assignment, a life to live where you can experience the entirety of the human experience starting after something they call “high school.” I’m not sure why the school is high, but that’s their terminology.

You have each been issued fourteen cloaking devices, impervious to any kind of disruption as well as a program to learn the native language(s) of the region you’ll be going to. Your age, height, weight, gender, social class, and all other demographics are listed within. Now we are looking for a grand unifying theory. What are the humans after? What is their goal? Why do they do what they do? Their mating rituals make no sense. The males compete in odd ways yet form bonds quickly. The females seem to bond through speech, but their bonds tend to be stronger and require more maintenance. They are without a doubt, smarter than the males. However, no one told the males.

Ok, right on now, you ship out immediately so absorb your files now and don’t forget to communicate with each other. Remember to keep the main thing, the main thing.