The Impact of Attitudes

People talk a lot about the "Power of Positive/Negative Thinking" but it goes a lot deeper and more widespread than that.

Rather, it's all about the power of attitude.

That doesn't mean it's an easy journey. I took a long time to figure out this map through life, and attitude changes don't happen overnight. They take time and sustained effort and external validation in the form of other people's changed attitudes.

As the quote goes, the journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single step, but after that first step, you have to keep stepping. You can take a breather or a water break, to continue the metaphor. You can stop overnight at a wayhouse. or decide that you'd like to settle down at this little village and build a life, actually. But once you've started the journey, you either finish it, or turn back.

You either make a change, or you find an excuse.

It starts with a decision. By asking yourself who you want to be and making the decision to become that person. Do you want to be the person who shows up to social events and wants someone to play free therapist, or someone to pays attention to other people's concerns and intersts? Do you want to be someone that other people enjoy spending time with, or someone who makes their bad mood everyone's problem? Do you want to make other people your entire personality, or be an individual with hobbies and interests?

It wasn't easy. In my case, I had to start by unlearning a lifetime of attaching my self-worth to being helpful, and feeling like I had to "earn" being allowed in a social group by people-pleasing and burning myself out doing everything.

Realizing that by doing everything myself, I was denying others the opportunity to learn and grow, was a big turning point.

Anxiety and Depression had made me over-eager to share my fears, while a childhood of bullying had made me fearful of exposing my joys and interests. Opening up to other people was one of the most terrifying things I'd ever done, but it was worth it. I like to tell people about the awesome things I've seen or done, and hear about their lives in turn.

Then, I had to make conscious choices about my attitudes toward not just my friends, but people I encountered in daily life.

It's easy to be nice to your friends, and just as easy to assume that the people walking at a snail's pace across the entire footpath are doing it on purpose. Or that the person who bumped into you did so maliciously, or that the cook got your order wrong on purpose, or that the server is deliberately ignoring you and not just run off their feet...

It's harder to take a breath and remind yourself that even oblivious and inconsiderate people deserve basic decency and manners. It harder to remind yourself that disappointment at something being unavailable is a You Problem and not valid grounds to make some poor customer service person's life a misery. It's harder to make the choice to be kind.

But the impact is worth it.

Your day might not be going as well as you'd like, but you aren't actively making someone else's day worse.

Being nice to the customer service person leads to them offering potential solutions, rather than trying to get you to leave/hang up as quickly as possible.

People remember you fondly, rather than becoming the subject of someone's Social Media rant. Sometimes they even say nice things about you.

And you feel better about yourself.

Instead of dwelling on the idea that the voice in your head claiming that you're a horrible person may have a point, in your darker moments, you can reflect on all the times you made a positive difference to someone.

Last year, I inspired the Small Kindness challenge, where everyone took a break from the negativity of the workd, and wrote about the times they decided to be kind, and helped someone in some small way.

It was good to read all those stories of little impacts that improved someone's day, even if I completely failed to place in the challenge.

I hope Vocal does more of them.

It's been a long mental journey to get to where I am now, but it's been worth it.

I'm in a good place, mentally speaking, and I can honestly say that I am helping people. It's not always easy, but if I can help, why shouldn't I?