The Facade

Ancient wisdom describes the road that leads to destruction as a wide, well-traveled one, but the road that leads to love, life and fulfilment is like a narrow dirt path and only a few are wise enough to discover it and brave enough to take it.

When I lived in California, I took a tour of Universal studios. It was exciting to visit the world of some of the old-time TV shows. The tram went through the back lots where there were many beautiful homes. I recognized some of the houses. It was cool being able to see these homes until we took a corner and I realized there was nothing to them. They were simply facades. Just a front, a symbol of a house but there was no depth, only wooden beams holding up the mask of a house. There were no rooms, no furniture, no electricity, or plumbing. You couldn’t find shelter from a storm in those homes. They could not sustain life. They appeared convincing but in reality, they were just a pretense, an outward show that made you believe there was a real house.

So many times, we use “love” the same way. The love we claim to have has no depth. It cannot comfort in a time of need. It cannot protect or fulfill because it is just an outward pretense. It looks inviting but try and dwell in it and it leaves you out in the cold. Have you ever experienced this? You thought you had meaning in a relationship whether it was a budding romance, a close friend, a teacher, a minister, a parent, or a spouse? One day you realized there was truly nothing there. Every promise, every pretense looked amazing but when you tried to build on a foundation, there was nothing to build on. Only a symbolic show but no substance.

A diamond is a gemstone, formed in the earth over millions of years while undergoing extreme heat and pressure. This intense stress gives birth to priceless jewels. A diamond’s value ranges from a few thousand to hundreds of thousands of dollars. A fake diamond, unlike the genuine, is made of cheap glass and cut to look real but when tested under pressure it will fracture and break into pieces. Like the façade and the cheap diamond, they may resemble the real deal but neither possesses substance.

Watch out for counterfeits. They are truly deceiving and many fall prey to their lies until we discover they have no worth.

How can we tell a cheap imitation from the real thing? Sometimes it’s easy to notice the copy. We all know those who somehow seem to always say the right thing, but their actions prove different. We can all talk the talk, but can we walk, the walk?

My daughter was in downtown Nashville after the riots of 2020. As she was walking, she noticed a car pulled up to the curve and a beautiful young woman dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, emerged from the car. The woman ran to a construction area where people were re-building what had been vandalized. She held a power drill to a piece of wood while a photographer took her picture. Once the photo was taken, she climbed back in the car and sped away. No doubt, the woman was an influencer and immediately posted a pic of her helping rebuild Nashville. However, she is a façade, a cheap imitation of someone who is actually in the arena, working under extreme pressure to help business owners repair what had been demolished. If we trust in the fake woman to help us rebuild our lives, we would be left out in the rubble of the riots. Nothing substantial was happening in her life to benefit anyone but herself. She is self-seeking and love does not exist there. But let’s bring this closer to home. Not many of us are high paid Instagram influencers with tons of followers. Some of us are just virtue signalers. I knew a young woman whose Facebook profile read, “I speak life into other people's lives and let them know they are worthy of love.” That caption describes a wonderful person. However, this girl was known to send very cruel anonymous texts to girls she was envious of. When she was caught and confronted with her actions, she simply laughed and said, “Sorry, I was bored.” This young woman was a counterfeit, a phony with absolutely no substance. She could not protect, comfort, or encourage. Neither could she speak life. Her words were just annoying noises. She was a façade that on the outside appeared caring yet take a deeper look and you will discover there was nothing there. She was only seeking accolades for herself.

Love will always cost us, but the price produces an excellence and significance that gives it worth. Without sacrifice, our so-called love for humanity is nothing but a cheap imitation. It looks good on social media. It sounds good to those who are listening to us babble on and on about how much we care. If we are only virtue signaling, we are just putting the burden on someone else and we are not lifting a finger to help. Be careful with that kind of behavior. It is not founded on love. Virtue signaling is actually rooted in what we hate.

Ancient wisdom warns that if we could speak every language on earth, and even unknown dialects from other dimensions, if there is no love behind our words then they are nothing more than a clanging gong. It doesn’t matter how eloquently we speak, if we are only saying things to be accepted, then all our kind and beautiful words have no substance. A parrot can mimic, but their words are not from the heart. Although cute, they have no meaning. Agreeing with the trends and yelling at those who do not agree with us is not love. Change will not come from that kind of behavior. I have yet to see anyone switch over to another side of an argument by quarreling. I have witnessed some heated political conversations. No matter how heated, no matter how many facts were spewed and quoted, it did nothing to change the heart of the other person. In the end, neither side changed their mind. There were only devastating consequences. Relationships were lost and people were unfriended and blocked on social media. You will never win anyone over by force. We can only win by fascination. To be fascinating takes effort. Like the diamond, true authenticity and beauty comes from a heart that genuinely cares. A heart that will sacrifice so someone else can benefit.

Sometimes we are asked to give advice. A friend seeks our opinion about a decision they are contemplating. What kind of advice do you give? Do we give self-serving advice that helps us, or advice that benefits the friend no matter how it alienates us? Let’s say a friend is invited to a party. You weren’t invited to the event. They are a bit nervous and ask you if they should go. How do you respond? Do you encourage them not to go because you weren’t invited, and you don’t want them to go either? Or do you realize this is a good opportunity for them and encourage them to go even though you will not share in the adventure? Is our advice really for the good of others or is our advice self-serving?

Another question to ask ourselves is do we give advice to be agreeable and liked? Sometimes love must make a tough call. Love should be honest even if the truth is painful. If we hold back from speaking the truth and say only what others want to hear, then we are a counterfeit. Do we withhold constructive truth and say, “You be you girl!” knowing that their choices are detrimental? Sometimes honesty isn’t popular? We know deep inside what the right advice is, yet we take the selfish way out to avoid confrontation and speak only what the person wants to hear. Truth might cost us a chair in the circle. So, we suppress it as we hang on to our chair and let the person continue making mistakes. If we think of only ourselves while we give advice then our loving words are not harmonious, they are nothing more than a dull ear-splitting crash.

We should always check the heart motivation behind what we do.

It doesn’t matter how intelligent we are, how many groups we belong to, how many likes we get, how many followers we have or how many good deeds we do, if none of it is grounded in love then there is nothing to it. Math says anything times zero will always be zero! We may ask, if we give everything to the poor wouldn’t you say we have a big heart? What is our motivation? What are we giving to the poor? Our throw-a-ways? Did we clean the house and decide to get rid of a lot of junk? Is it a trend? We decided to follow a fad that says to simplify our life. Get rid of one thing a day. We document everything with a cool video of ourselves looking pretty good with a big bag of goodies headed out to donate. Do we seek likes because we are living the simple life? Do we want applause, recognition, or are we doing it to fit in because everyone else is doing it? Here is another question, are we doing it because we think we are more spiritual than everyone else and it makes us feel good about ourselves? None of that is fueled by love.

I knew a young lady who went on a two-week mission trip with her church. They worked with orphans and the poverty stricken. These poor orphaned children deeply moved this young lady. She felt incredibly pleased that she went on the mission trip and was able to help. When she returned to the states, she treated her friends cruelly. She was haughty and accused them of being spoiled, selfish, Americans who had no idea what suffering was. She disassociated herself from them and even broke up with her boyfriend leaving him and her friends in shock. She then told me God had called her to love children. Her love for the orphans was a boastful love. Did she believe God only wanted her to love orphans and despise anyone with a better life? If you have a heart for children, then your love will be for all children. Those who live in poverty without parents and those who live in wealth with uninvolved parents. Love is love. It does not discriminate.