The Tower of Fear

One

The Tower of Fear.

Prince Charming rescues the princess and they all live happily ever after. We all look for our soul mate so we too can have our own happy ending. We hope for the one person who will ride in on the white horse, slay the dragon for us, destroy our problems and carry us away to bliss?

Prince Charming’s can come in the form of a best friend who slays the dragon of loneliness and whisks us into the happily ever after of a friend group. Or Prince Charming can be a crush, or our one true love, who we decide to spend the rest of our life with. In any case, we all wait in great expectation for the knight on the white horse to make our life better.

While we are waiting in our tower of loneliness, searching the horizon, and giving a listening ear to the sound of distant hoof beats, have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe, we might be our own prince charming and are quite capable of rescuing ourselves? Talk about a standoff, no one will ever be able to leave the stronghold of isolation if we are always expecting someone else to ride in and save the day.

What is keeping you in your tower? Is it fear? Are you afraid to leave the safety of your seclusion only to encounter rejection, a more painful form of loneliness?

Is it low self-esteem? Are you afraid you don’t fit in with society? Is it the haunt of past relationships? Are you afraid of giving your heart away because it might get broken again? Is it bullies? Do you fear those who make fun of you? Do catty girls roll their eyes when you walk up and whisper not so nice things under their breath? Is it a fear that you are not enough? That you do not have the tools to be accepted? Or are you exhausted from trying to be someone you’re not and you just can’t keep up the masquerade? Although you are in a group and surrounded by others, you still feel lonely. Perhaps you feel the loneliest when you are in a crowd.

It is time to climb down out of your stronghold of fear and depression and embark on an adventure of a lifetime. You are more equipped to face the world than you realize. You have a weapon that is indestructible. With it, you can conquer anything. The weapon you must carry is love. You may think you already have it, but you may not be using it correctly. Improper use leaves you powerless. Without the right power source, your tool is useless and cannot help you or anyone else.

We all desire acceptance. We all want to be “in love” but how can we know if we are, or not, if we do not understand what it is and how to recognize it when it shows up? Do we know enough about it to recognize a counterfeit version versus the real deal? To know true love, we must dig deep in ourselves to see if we truly understand it. Once we get a grasp on what it truly is and can distinguish it from all the counterfeit versions, which have no power, only then can we utilize its power for a happily ever after.

Do not embark on the deceptive road that most everyone travels. That one is damaged with many potholes of entrapment. It is littered with the debris of failed relationships and has many detours promising fulfillment but, instead, leads to Loneliness Lane and Disillusioned Drive, eventually dumping you in a dead end. The trail you need to blaze the narrow path of love, real love. However, I must give a warning. Because it is the one less traveled, this road of discovery, however thrilling, can be quite painful. We must forge the trail, clear away all the overgrowth and entanglement that blocks the path of true love.

When I lived in California, I took a tour of Universal studios. It was exciting to visit the world of some of the old-time TV shows. The tram went through the back lots where there were many beautiful homes. I recognized some of the houses. It was cool being able to see these homes until we took a corner and I realized there was nothing to them. They were simply facades. Just a front, a symbol of a house but there was no depth, only wooden beams holding up the mask of a house. There were no rooms, no furniture, no electricity, or plumbing. You couldn’t find shelter from a storm in those homes. They could not sustain life. They appeared convincing but in reality, they were just a pretense, an outward show that made you believe there was a real house.

So many times, we use “love” the same way. The love we claim to have has no depth. It cannot comfort in a time of need. It cannot protect or fulfill because it is just an outward pretense. It looks inviting but try and dwell in it and it leaves you out in the cold. Have you ever experienced this? You thought you had meaning in a relationship whether it was a budding romance, a close friend, a teacher, a minister, a parent, or a spouse? One day you realized there was truly nothing there. Every promise, every pretense looked amazing but when you tried to build on a foundation, there was nothing to build on. Only a symbolic show but no substance.

A diamond is a gemstone, formed in the earth over millions of years while undergoing extreme heat and pressure. This intense stress gives birth to priceless jewels. A diamond’s value ranges from a few thousand to hundreds of thousands of dollars. A fake diamond, unlike the genuine, is made of cheap glass and cut to look real but when tested under pressure it will fracture and break into pieces. Like the façade and the cheap diamond, they may resemble the real deal but neither possesses substance.

Watch out for counterfeits. They are truly deceiving and many fall prey to their lies until we discover they have no worth.

How can we tell a cheap imitation from the real thing? Sometimes it’s easy to notice the copy. We all know those who somehow seem to always say the right thing, but their actions prove different. We can all talk the talk, but can we walk, the walk?

My daughter was in downtown Nashville after the riots of 2020. As she was walking, she noticed a car pulled up to the curve and a beautiful young woman dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, emerged from the car. The woman ran to a construction area where people were re-building what had been vandalized. She held a power drill to a piece of wood while a photographer took her picture. Once the photo was taken, she climbed back in the car and sped away. No doubt, the woman was an influencer and immediately posted a pic of her helping rebuild Nashville. However, she is a façade, a cheap imitation of someone who is actually in the arena, working under extreme pressure to help business owners repair what had been demolished. If we trust in the fake woman to help us rebuild our lives, we would be left out in the rubble of the riots. Nothing substantial was happening in her life to benefit anyone but herself. She is self-seeking and love does not exist there.

Love will always cost us, but the price produces an excellence and significance that gives it worth. Without sacrifice, our so-called love for humanity is nothing but a cheap imitation. It looks good on social media. It sounds good to those who are listening to us babble on and on about how much we care. If we are only virtue signaling, we are just putting the burden on someone else and we are not lifting a finger to help. Be careful with that kind of behavior. It is not founded on love. Virtue signaling is actually rooted in what we hate.

It doesn’t matter how eloquently we speak, if we are only saying things to be accepted, then all our kind and beautiful words have no substance. A parrot can mimic, but their words are not from the heart. Although cute, they have no meaning. Agreeing with the trends and yelling at those who do not agree with us is not love. Change will not come from that kind of behavior. I have yet to see anyone switch over to another side of an argument by quarreling. I have witnessed some heated political conversations. No matter how heated, no matter how many facts were spewed and quoted, it did nothing to change the heart of the other person. In the end, neither side changed their mind. There were only devastating consequences. Relationships were lost and people were unfriended and blocked on social media. You will never win anyone over by force. We can only win by fascination. To be fascinating takes effort. Like the diamond, true authenticity and beauty comes from a heart that truly cares. A heart that will sacrifice so someone else can benefit.

Another question to ask ourselves is do we give advice to be agreeable and liked? Sometimes love must make the tough call. Love should be honest even if the truth is painful. If we hold back from speaking the truth and say only what others want to hear, then we are a counterfeit. Do we withhold constructive truth and say, “You be you girl!” knowing that their choices are detrimental? Sometimes honesty isn’t popular? We know deep inside what the right advice is, yet we take the selfish way out to avoid confrontation and speak only what the person wants to hear. Truth might cost us a chair in the circle. So, we suppress it as we hang on to our chair and let the person continue making mistakes. If we think of only ourselves while we give advice then our loving words are not harmonious, they are nothing more than a dull ear-splitting crash.

It doesn’t matter how intelligent we are, how many groups we belong to, how many likes we get, how many followers we have or how many good deeds we do, if none of it is grounded in love then there is nothing to it. Math says anything times zero will always be zero!