The Emotionally Unavailable Men and the Women Who Can

As his hand walks sadly and tactfully along your cheek and tries to snatch a smile from you, you understand that you don't need any confirmation. You love him.

You love him... you can say it without closing your eyes, without bowing your eyelashes to the shame of loving another person so much that you forget about yourself.

For you, it has always been (ah, it is not !!) as simple as hello. You love him. You don't need to know more than the short and invigorating moments of happiness offer you.

As his hand walks sadly and tactfully along your cheek and tries to snatch a smile from you, you understand that you don't need any confirmation. So you love him ... You can say it without closing your eyes, without bowing your eyelashes to the shame of loving another person so much that you are unhappy for the sake of his happiness.

Maybe you love him before you know him… Maybe you waited in line to make him happy… Or maybe in one of them he gave you so much happiness that you can't take revenge on all that come and go...

You didn't leave pieces of yourself behind, you didn't let them break from you. You have tied them all to yourself every time, to give them to the one you have been waiting for decades. You knew someone was in dire need of you. I love you. There can be no other life for you.

As his eyes look at you fondly, half-naked and absent as his lips utter a "neat ', dear girl"… even then, yes, you realize that you have never had another choice but to love him.

And as he looks at you through you, you realize that you are dear to him, that only he… if he wanted to, if he would strive, if he would not give up in the battle with himself… only he could make you extremely happy. You are dear to him, the light in his eyes whispers to you in serene moments ... Why then can't he love you?

In his bedding and his arms you do not always find fire and feeling, but cold tears, which never dare to fall. You can't find the right word for them. The torment and bitterness of life hardened him, hardened him. You feel in some touches how he struggles to hide your reality… You are too weak to swim through the stone wall.

You know that in the past he loved enormously and that now he can only share love in half. But you took the risk from the beginning. Ever since you told yourself that the tower of happiness on which you are trying to build your love is on a swamp with shifting sands...

No, your gesture was neither heroic nor petty, but one of the easiest, more daring, and challenging than you could have done before. I don't even need to list the reasons why I have to, I'm obliged, to move on. . Sometimes, in his good times, he can make you so happy… At the cost of your loneliness. you have to get him out of the clutches of loneliness. Who survives? ... I don't know.

Sometimes you want to give them your strength, but you run into a self-defense instinct and refusal that completely devitalizes you. Sometimes it's like you're more exhausted, more tired, more demoralized than he is. You ask yourself: who is the doctor, who is the incurable patient?

Why do these dry chills shake you so badly, whence so much absurd and rational fear that you might one day wake up with a sad, torn soul? You're his darling, but you don't just want to be his darling, just your support shoulder. Ah… but you don't just want that… you want absolute love, you want to be the woman of his existence.

You want the heavens to revolve around your love in its entirety, not just in half. You want to know him healed by his former love and more in love with you. You want to have his support. It's just that sometimes you don't even know-how.

And as he sees through you, you want to erase from the eyes of his mind the image of the woman who put a cruel curse on his mind and I remain vengeful on his heart. And while he is in love with you, you want to cry out to him that only you, only you and your body, matter to his flesh and soul. You want to erase from his heart, in the silent and desperate cries, the memory of the woman he loved before you.

And when he retreats to his shell and his memories, you can snatch him from his colds. Bring him closer, closer to you than to the memory of his life… But can you snatch his distrust from his soul and make him see only you, as you are? Sometimes it makes you honestly think NO. And nothing can hurt more than one's inability and weakness.

There may be a drama here too… drama that he didn't love you enough to let you heal him.

But sometimes… in the moments of truth, you would like to believe…. when he undresses from what once hurt him and sees his wife in you, he sometimes tells you that he loves you. He loves you, he tells you. You know that's right.

Sometimes he looks at you to tell you that you are the woman who makes him move on. But not when the silences are prolonged, not when the fear spreads, not when you feel the restraints and panic, not when there are too deep abysses between you, sufferings that you cannot erase.

Sometimes you wake up crying in the middle of the night. Do you love him… but does he feel the same way?

Then you want to get him out of his inertia, shake him well and tell him now is the time, maybe he'll come back to you. You want him anyway… with the piece of love he has left to offer. You would be satisfied anyway. Sometimes you feel like hugging him so hard that you release him from all his past suffering.

You tighten it. Sometimes it makes you want to turn it to yourself with the love and hope and memories that are building now. But nothing seems to be enough… Because you love him. And he can't… Not yet. But when!? It's nothing…

Not everything ends with a drama. You have all the patience, time, and love ahead. If only you weren't so afraid that this wouldn't be your biggest drama.