How to React Better to Criticism

Nobody likes to be blamed for not being good at one thing or another. But no matter what and how you do it, you can't get rid of criticism.

Reactions to criticism can be varied. Some master it and use it to hone their skills, others use it to feel guilty and humiliated even by the slightest observation.

Some people blush and sweat profusely, especially if the critical remark is addressed to them in public. But even if it's in a more private space (email, for example) it can be just as frustrating and unpleasant.

No matter how well you react to criticism, studies have shown that negative observations can affect a person's self-image and even affect a person's productivity because the mind is too busy at the moment to face criticism so that it cannot focus on anything else.

How does the brain react to criticism?

According to Dr. Martin Paulus, Adjunct Professor of Psychiatry at the University of California, San Diego, there are two areas of the brain that dictate how we process emotions and respond to criticism: the amygdala and the medial prefrontal cortex.

At the level of the amygdala body, what we consider important is decided; it plays an essential role in shaping our emotional memories, while the medial prefrontal cortex regulates how we react to emotional stimuli (respectively criticism).

The amygdala body plays an essential role in triggering the fight or flight reaction, so when we receive negative emotions such as criticism we sometimes perceive it as a threat. A reproach from the boss does not kill you, but it can make you feel threatened by your career and source of livelihood.

And these events remain imprinted in our memory. The ability to become more attentive to things that can hurt us is called the effect of negativity - which is why unpleasant observations and experiences tend to be kept longer in memory than pleasant ones.

Although it is normal and inevitable to feel uncomfortable when we receive criticism, it is counterproductive and can affect our overall well-being if we are touched and influenced by them.

How people react to criticism

Despite the natural tendency to feel threatened by criticism, everyone reacts differently. Here are the most common classifications of people's reactions to criticism:

The interior

Some people seem to receive criticism on the surface quite well, but inside, they make harsh self-criticism. This type of reaction to criticism is characterized by self-flagellation at the mental level and a very harsh attitude towards himself/herself.

Accuser

Quite similar to the insider, the accuser is the one who takes the criticism very personally. But instead of blaming himself, he blames the critic, often verbally.

Even if he does not become aggressive, he tends to contradict and argue against the negative statements he receives, to convince both himself and the critic of its injustice.

Defense

It is natural to defend ourselves against threats that come upon us, including in the form of criticism. Defensive people show a moderate reaction, somewhat defensive, as a reaction to negative criticism.

But they do not lose their temper because of this and they will not argue with their boss if he blames them for the lack of efficiency in the results of last quarter. He prefers to consider that those who criticize him are not sufficiently informed and leave things as they are.

The cooperator

The cooperator asks questions and wants to know why he is being criticized. He may feel discouraged by negative remarks, but he does not flog himself for this reason, nor does he blame those who do it.

So, which category do you belong to? He is just trying to find out what those who criticize him think he could have done better and what he could do to change their minds.

How to react better to criticism

Although not everyone will find themselves in one of the above rankings, it is good to know which approach suits you, to understand how you react to criticism.

No matter what category you are in, there is always room for progress. Here are some tips to help you cope better with critical observations.

Separate criticism from a person

Many take criticism more personally than they should, and here they are wrong. Dr. Paul says that it is important to distinguish between criticism and ourselves. We should not take criticism as a remark about how we are as human beings, but as an observation related to a specific, punctual action, event or situation.

"For example," he says, "if a person says 'this article is not well written then the important thing is that it should not be taken as a critique of the person who wrote the article, but only as a critique of the article itself.

"Given that even the best writers can write bad articles, it avoids the feeling of hurt pride and will be able to respond better to that criticism."

If you learn to take criticism as an opinion about something you did and not who you are, you can start to take criticism so personally and get over it more easily.

Ask open-ended questions - psychology, reaction, typologies

It is important to ask those who criticize you because not only do you show them that you care about their opinion, but you can better understand their point of view about the action or event they are referring to.

The best way to find out is to ask open-ended questions. The questions that will be answered are "yes" and "no" which are questions that look like you are listening, but you are not interested in their opinion.

Ask questions such as, "How would you like to proceed in such a situation in the future?" Or "Could you give me an example of how you would like to proceed in the future?"

You will be able to have a more open and professional dialogue with your critic and, with a little luck, you can end the discussion on the best terms.

Don't look at mistakes as something completely wrong

I know it sounds weird, but mistakes aren't really bad. Of course, sometimes they can have "unfortunate" results, such as wasting your time or giving the impression that you have ruined your reputation, but the subjective way we view these events decides how bad they are.

Napoleon said that those who do not want to make mistakes should not go to war. Those who limit themselves to criticizing only others and pointing out their mistakes are themselves making the biggest mistake in the world. No talent, no kind of sacrifice, no kind of genius, no kind of training, and not even a shred of character are required to enter the ranks of critical merchants.

Instead of feeling guilty about your mistakes or criticisms, accept them and look at them as learning opportunities. One way you can do this is to think, 'It's good that I learned later than never' or 'Now that I've learned that too, I'm sure it will work out next time.'

If you are not overwhelmed by criticism and mistakes, you will feel more positive and better prepared for the future, in similar situations.

We can even say that criticism also played a role in what became of each of us as adults - from the criticism we received from our parents when we were children, to the criticism we received from colleagues, friends, and even strangers as adults.

For every negative remark, there is a positive one, for every mischievous commentator, there is one who appreciates what you have to say, and for every moment of "bad luck", there is also one of "luck". So sometimes you win, other times ... you learn.

All you have to do is not let yourself be overwhelmed by anything negative. And don't forget that.

”Any fool can criticize and condemn, but it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving. ” - Dale Carnegie