The Cursed Blessing

Daisy was a selfless, caring soul who wore her heart on her sleeve. She worked in daycares, schools and Early ON centres, working with children and families. Daisy had a large, blended family; her five children (four boys and a girl) were her world but managing the day-to-day wasn’t always easy. With a spouse working away from home for several consecutive months, Daisy was the one who handled it all. At times, it was challenging and overwhelming for Daisy but like most, she always found a way to conquer the day. Daisy had places to be, deadlines, schedules, appointments, extracurricular activities, household tasks etc. "The day must go on", she always said. And so...it did!

On a regular summer day while driving to work, Daisy spotted a black rectangular looking object from the corner of her eye. It was on the sidewalk but she thought nothing of it and kept driving.

As the days went on, from afar, Daisy kept spotting this object at random places. She ignored it and carried on with her day.

One day, while taking a walk, Daisy spotted the object. She approached it to get a better view. The black rectangular object she saw regularly was in fact a small black notebook. She thought it belonged to someone walking by but after looking around there was no one in sight. Daisy picked up the small black notebook and sat down. It was a very unique Moleskine brand notebook. It had personalized writing that read [A|ka|shic|]. On the right side, a vertical white lace bow tied the book shut with cursive black writing on it. Intrigued and curious, she decided to untie the bow to look inside. The notebook had a lot of writing in it. It looked like someone's personal life diary. Only it was written in language that Daisy could not read or understand. She closed it, left it on the bench and carried on with her walk and day.

Eventually the black notebook kept appearing everywhere and anywhere and more frequently throughout Daisy's day. At this point, she felt cursed and extremely confused as to why this was happening to her. Sometimes Daisy went around the notebook, other times she moved it and oftentimes she ignored it or placed it somewhere else. SHE HAD NO IDEA WHAT TO DO OR HOW TO MAKE IT GO AWAY!!! Daisy tried reaching out to some friends, her family and colleagues but she felt alone, unheard and defeated. Daisy had more on her plate than she could chew and daily the little black notebook was starting to affect her well being and mental health.

It was mid March. After a long day at work, Daisy had tripped badly over the notebook. She woke up on the ground and found herself lying beside the black notebook with body tremors. She tried to stand but her balance was off. Daisy's right knee was locked and she was unable to lift her leg. Also, her vision was blurry, she had head pain and nausea. Daisy put the notebook in her purse, limped slowly to her vehicle and drove cautiously around the block to seek medical attention. She was confused, disoriented, and felt EXTREMELY CURSED!!!

After being triaged, the doctor on-call ordered blood work, some scans and tests. The results came back normal. Daisy was relieved but didn't fully understand what was going on with herself and her tie to this small black notebook. An orthopedic surgeon gave her a cortisone shot to the knee to see if it would help loosen things up and the ER doctor referred Daisy to some other specialists to eliminate possibilities of other underlying conditions. It was recommended that she rest and she was given a prescription paper that read “off work for an indefinite interval" and sent home. With so many emotions, Daisy cried the entire way home. A complete standstill from her once busy, bustling life. Daisy was bed bound for weeks and yet.. she still had to manage her home life. She still had to care for the kids. But it didn't end there for Daisy.

Daisy worked really hard at physiotherapy and other treatments for seven months after that visit to the doctor. She made a lot of progress in many areas but new symptoms and pain kept arising which brought different gait impairment, mobility, and muscle weaknesses. Daisy was exhausted, in a lot of pain and, quite simply, drained. Many doctors appointments and tests with little-to-no answers which brought more doctor’s referrals and testing. Daisy felt hopeless! IT WAS THE CURSE OF ALL CURSES.

Daisy’s condition worsened over time; on the right side of her body she had developed drop foot, locked knee, hamstring tightness, weakness, paralysis, muscle tightening, tremors, nerve issues along with imperative speech/processing, constant fatigue, neck stiffness,nausea and orthostatic intolerances. Due to this, Daisy had to use a wheelchair for long distances, a walker to help her get around for short distances and she had no choice but to sit at intervals when she was weak or when the pain became too much. Many people helped by assisting her and her children with rides, extracurricular activities, appointments and her home life.

For seven months, Daisy worked really hard at physiotherapy and other specialists. She worked on many techniques to help gain back her range of motion, muscle, gait, strength and mobility. She made a lot of improvements but required more intense therapy.

It was now October and Daisy's neurologist had diagnosed her with functional movement/neurological disorder. Her treatment plan consisted of intense neuro-therapy, fascia release therapy, craniosacral therapy along with psychotherapy. Daisy was thrilled to finally have a diagnosis but had no idea how she was going to afford and attend all of these treatments.

She decided to open up to some friends about her health and life struggles. A special childhood friend of hers created a Go Fund Me page and she received many donations and kind words from people near and far. Daisy had raised enough money to start tackling the treatment/rehabilitation plan recommended for her. Several other friends and family followed suit. Some hosted fundraisers and benefits while others attended. She was so thankful and grateful to have so many amazing people help and support her through her recovery journey. Daisy managed to do four months of intense treatment with a lot of improvement but she still had a long road ahead of her. Eventually funds ran low for Daisy and a worldwide pandemic happened. Life had stopped completely, for everyone!!!

What many didn't know, was that Daisy was physically and mentally worn out. She continued living as "normal" as possible through this terrible curse and pain. A complete worldwide life pause was exactly what Daisy needed. Her nine year relationship was struggling, close friendships as well as family grew apart from Daisy. Her children, along with many others in her life, had taken her for granted and never fully understood how much Daisy was suffering and hurting. She felt alone, hopeless, unheard, different, judged, insecure, exhausted and the list goes on. Sometimes she felt like giving up to help make all her pain, challenges and struggles go away. It was a hard battle but thankfully, Daisy knew giving up was never an option. After all, her children looked up to her and needed their ‘maman’ as they called her. The french word for mother.

One night, Daisy spotted the little black [A|ka|shic|] notebook in her nightstand. She opened it to explore and better understand it. She needed answers to help get rid of this terrible curse. Daisy started to fully focus on the little black notebook. One day, the pages became clearer and more comprehensive. She was actually able to read what was written. Daisy could not believe her eyes. It was her life stories and ventures. The little black [A|ka|shic|] notebook had a written record of all Daisy's good and bad life stories. She was happy, yet very sad and broken. If only Daisy had explored the [A|ka|shic|] notebook sooner!

Life kept giving Daisy signs but she ignored them and carried on with her day. Instead, it took her tripping over the notebook for her to fully realize its meaning. Her life completely snowballed because she was giving so much of her time and energy to everyone else. It's who she was but she wore herself out in the process. Over time, her nervous system and her body had difficulty receiving messages and signals from the brain along with other issues she had avoided. She didn't even know who she was anymore. She only felt exhausted, in pain, barely hanging on yet still managing to the best of her ability at every moment of every day.

Daisy's health issues were very unique to several doctors and specialists. She was losing hope and falling between the cracks of the provincial health care system. Daisy decided to be her own advocate and find solutions to her problems. Daisy requested all her medical files and created her own personal health portfolio. She contacted her local mental health center and decided to face her life struggles and trauma. Daisy realized the only person who knew her best, was herself! She did what she could when she could and never stopped BELIEVING IN HERSELF. Daisy stopped worrying about what people thought of her and learned to love herself. She started doing things that she onced loved. It helped Daisy through her healing journey.

All of a sudden a white light shined over Daisy and the black notebook. The words began to disappear one page at a time. Daisy was full of emotions. The pages were now blank. Daisy felt a sense of relief. At last, she had a chance to write a new story.

She pondered and pondered but never found time or anything to write about. One day while scrolling online, Daisy came across a short story contest. She was intrigued. Daisy decided to write about pieces of her life story, in hopes of inspiring others to NEVER GIVE UP.

Daisy, like most, really wanted to win. After her long journey she could use some financial relief. Mostly, Daisy wanted to spend time away from the reality of her life: a two-week solo vacation at a spa retreat. At the retreat, she would catch up on sleep, relax, and order food in bed all day. During her stay, she would get massages, with some well deserved zen time and pampering treatments. She was really wishing for a positive life-changing moment.

After anxiously waiting, Daisy received a phone call informing her that her short story won first place with a $20,000 cash reward. She was speechless and so excited. She was so proud of herself. At last, her possibilities were more than her disabilities. Daisy's life-changing curses had turned into some well-deserved blessings and solo time away. It may not have been the life Daisy had planned for or anticipated, but it was HER life…and there was no way she/I was giving up on it.