The Art of Peace and Happiness

It's been a difficult four years for me: the Covid-19 pandemic, numerous bouts of depression, the loss of a grandparent, and dealing with self-esteem and self doubt issues. They say that life isn't easy and I accept that affirmation. As a kid, I desperately wanted to be happy, liked and loved. In my early adult years, I depended on friends and others to make me happy. I've learned now that the only person that is responsible for my happiness is me. If you've read my previous stories on Vocal, growing up in a toxic and abusive household was challenging. I eventually escaped from my abusive "parents" and was estranged from them in 2012. Fast forward to now, I aim to find happiness within myself by looking for hobbies for the sake of my own sanity and mental well-being. Back in March, I announced on TikTok that I would be retiring from cosplay at the end of this year after 10 years of doing this wonderful craft and attending conventions. I'll always be grateful for the friends and other people I've met. Plus, the memories at conventions will always hold a special place in my heart. I'll always be part of the cosplay community and attend conventions, whenever I'm free. The reasons why I'm retiring from cosplay is because I want to focus more on my writing and pursue other interests. I felt like I've inspired enough people through my cosplays and cosplay videos. Many cosplayers understood my decision to walk away from cosplay and wished me luck on my endeavors. I plan on doing one last cosplay and debuting it at a convention in October. All I can say is that he's a legendary baseball player, a National Baseball Hall of Famer, and won five World Series titles. I'll share snapshots of a Cos Test of my final cosplay soon. If you aren't part of the cosplay community and unsure what a Cos Test is. It's basically showing off a cosplay you're currently working on that is not complete or fully put together yet.

As I approach 40, which is almost three years away, I realize that I need to learn how to find ways to make myself happy as opposed to relying on others to cheer me up. Besides, I'm not getting any younger. As I've mentioned earlier, writing is one of the things I'll be focusing on more, even before and after I retire from cosplay. Another thing I'd like to do is volunteering my time to a cause, preferably something related to the thing that's close to my heart and passionate about, which is autism awareness. As to where to start when it comes to that is unknown.

Due to the aforementioned abuse I've suffered growing up, I began to cut people out of my life who weren't good for me mentally. They haven't had my best interests at heart. Also, I've started to trust certain people a lot less and have a small group of like-minded people in my inner circle. I've finally accepted the fact that my happiness is my own responsibility. Sometimes, being my own best friend and alone are not always bad things to experience. One of my favorite 80s movies is Ferris Bueller's Day Off and Matthew Broderick's titular character says it best:

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

In other words, I shouldn't be afraid to seek adventure and step out of my comfort zone. I'm more like Alan Ruck's character of Cameron Frye. Growing up, I never played any sports in school. The only things close to that I participated in was in P.E. and during Field Day, which was held in May, through the sixth grade. I didn't take part in an extracurricular activity until I entered my senior year of high school. That activity was choir and sang baritone. I was surprised how well I sang and how deep my singing voice was. I loved every minute of it and loved taking part in the winter and spring concerts. While my childhood was filled with many great moments, there were other things over the last 20 years I wish I could've taken part in. Sure, I can't make up for missed time. However, it doesn't mean it's too late for me to pursue new and focus on current interests.

I never give myself enough credit, because I've been too focused on worrying about everything and going through so many emotions. For example, I've always been told that I would never make it in life or accomplish anything. No matter how hard I've worked or the accomplishments I achieved, nothing was ever good enough for anyone. One of my biggest weaknesses for me is not believing in myself. I've been dealing with self confidence and self-esteem issues since I was a kid. I still deal with these things today and it's a daily struggle to overcome. I have flaws and imperfections like everyone else. One thing is for certain: I'm the kind of person who doesn't like to give up. I'm determined to live the best life possible. I'm not saying that everything is perfect in my life, because the definition of a perfect life doesn't exist. People who portray this façade have either never learned the true meaning of failure and not experiencing it for themselves or do it for clout.

The late, great Chicago Cubs legend Ernie Banks had a wonderful quote that rings so true to me and it says the following:

"You must try to generate happiness within yourself. If you aren't happy in one place, chances are you won't be happy anyplace."

I'm a work in progress. In fact, we all are. As for me, I'm going to live life on my own terms and have intentions to live it well. Also, living in the moment is all I'm focused on. Hobbies and interests have no age limit, so I'm going to step in the driver's seat and take full control of my life. Maybe, just maybe, that someday I'll achieve total happiness within myself I've always been looking for. For now, I'm living in, well, the now. I'm not a religious man, but someone told me that everything happens for a reason and they were right. Finally, I hope you achieve the happiness you've been seeking for in your life.