The Art of Listening; How anyone can learn to share a great conversation

So first tell me, have you ever been in a situation like this -

You're at a new place, whether it be a party or a family function and someone comes up to you to for a chat.

But after some time they get uninterested and back out slowly, or it's the other way; like you get bored to hell by just speaking to them.

Now tell me, has this ever happened to you. Well, it has happened to me a lot and by that I mean- A lot!

Then for the longest time, I thought that being confident or getting the right words at the right time was the antidote to all my problems. Even though they do help they were not important as I thought it to be.

This may come off as a bit strange or surprising, but the one skill that I lacked was the ability to listen, and that's basically it.

and in the process, I also found out that it is the core to having meaningful conversations.

To be able to actively listen to someone and to pay full attention to what they have to say is something most people nowadays need a lot of work on.

This art of listening is so crucial in our lives because it makes the other person feel wanted and loved; and as humans, we are drawn to people who make us feel good.

So in this article, I will share some important things I did in my conversations to pay more attention to the person I was speaking to rather than boring them off.

1. Let them talk

OK, I agree this is quite obvious since we are talking about active listening, but this is something that we do without even recognizing it, and that is not letting them finish what they're saying.

As common sense, we all know interrupting is rude, but still, we sometimes do this because of our innate urge to say or respond to something or maybe it's just the way some of us are.

But think about it, would you be cool with it if someone didn't let you finish while you were sharing something important with you.

You'd be pissed off, right? So the next time you're in a conversation, and you notice that they are saying something with a lot of interest just hold yourself back for a moment and let them finish.

It gives the other person the feeling of being heard and we all know how bad it is to be not be heard.

2. Eye contact

They say eyes are the windows to our souls and I believe this couldn’t be more true when it comes to speaking to someone.

When you keep good eye contact with someone it will tell them that you are truly interested in what they're saying and also makes you appear confident.

Another non-verbal cue a strong eye contact indicates is that you are actively participating in the conversation and you are valuing what the other person has to say.

But there’s one important thing to keep in mind cause you don’t want to overdo it and make it a staring contest.

You can manage this by the 80/20 rule. It's something that I stumbled upon lately and man, it works like a charm

What this rule is all about is that when you are speaking to someone keep good eye contact with them, for 80 percent of the time and occasionally take breaks to take your eye away and look away.

This will give you time to process and let off some steam if you are not so good with eye contact. As an additional benefit, this will also keep your eye contact natural as we don't want to start a staring contact like my friend down here.

3. Use body language

I remember I was reading it similar article earlier in which the author starts off by this saying- "One doesn't become a good listener just with a set of ears."

Then I thought to myself, isn't it true? We humans, with our years-long of evolution we've trained our brains to naturally pick up non-verbal cues and gestures and we have become pretty good at it.

So even with a little hand gesture, you are unconsciously speaking large volumes to your speaker. So what I'd advise you to do is the correct use of nods, smiles, and other movements associated with what they're saying and also try to keep an open body language.

That's why popular leaders and speakers often use open body language, if you'd like to learn more about it, do check out the Tedtalk by Vanessa Van Edwards named- "You are Contagious". It's one of the most interesting ted talks I have ever seen.

4. Let go of Small Talk

Small talk can be a good way to initiate a conversation, break the ice, and most importantly avoid awkward silences. But we should remember that there's a point where you gotta let go of your small talk

But first, let's look at what is small talk- It's a collection of very obvious questions and responses we've developed as a society to aid in our everyday conversations.

As mentioned above it can be useful at times, but if we don't allow the conversation to transition from the usual small talk to something more it's going to eventually turn into a boring conversation.

Imagine you talking to someone. You start by asking about the obvious things about the event and other things like the weather or news. But if you go on with that same topic for a long time it will never get to truly know them or let alone even have a good conversation.

So after you had your fair share of small talk let yourself and the other person transition into much more meaningful and deeper topics, listen to them, and ask them questions, respond to what they are saying according to the situation.

5. Be Yourself

Let's get something straight, alright. Just by reading this article or watching some self-help videos on YouTube, you won't become magically become a person with great communication skills.

But it's a journey and in order to get there, you have to start at this, and it's the only thing.

That is- to become comfortable in who you are and feel good in your skin. I used to be very awkward in social situations and would usually avoid where lots of people would gather, but over the last year or so I became less awkward and became much more outgoing and social.

The first thing I did was to change was how I viewed myself, I became comfortable with the way I talked, I found beauty in my insecurities that I was embarrassed by earlier, I embraced my style and outfits that I genuinely liked.

But all this confidence didn't just come to me one day. I worked on it every single day and put myself in more challenging situations and that's how I became good at this.

So that's my last and ultimate tip in becoming a person who people would genuinely love to talk to.

Conclusion

Being able to talk better is one of the core skills that you can develop as an individual and it's not easy and that it takes a lot of time and energy but I promise you that if you are putting some effort into it, I assure you that it will be all worthwhile in the end.