The Angry Mama's Boy

Have you ever had a man that loved you, but hated his mother? Loved her because that is what you’re supposed to do but hated her because she was an image of a mother that he could not find. His father was not around, so he was left to decipher the feminine side of life through the lens of his toxic mother. She would ridicule him to make him feel less of a man unless she was using him in some way. God forbid if he gets a woman and she has no man. She will make him her makeshift husband. She will make it a point to discredit his woman and interfere in the relationship, whenever she can. This mother is only a problem if the son allows her to be. It is not your job to go to battle with her, because if you do, you might lose him. If he does not stand up for you to her, especially when she's wrong, then you are just a body in a relationship. An irritant to the mother and a bargaining chip for the son, you do not want to be that person.

I dated a man who made it a point to deceive any woman that he came across. It took me some time to see it clearly. Love has a way of making people appear greater than they really are. Our perception gets cloudy by our desire to have someone. It is only natural to have those yearnings. It is natural to want to be in a cohesive nature with the same or opposite sex, but do not let haste be the determining factor. You must take your time with matters of the heart. There are no grey areas with my love, so once the decision is made that we are a couple then that is how I proceed. He, on the other hand, had no idea about relationships or how to relate to women. He was negative at times and had a lot of harsh words in regard to his mother. (If you ever run across a man who has no respect, no love and despises his mother, run as fast as you can because that is what you'll be getting.) Hindsight is 20/20. At the time, I did not see any harm in him disliking his mother. I too had experienced a turbulent relationship with my mother, although I would never bash her, I just could relate to the feeling of not measuring up to the expectations of a mother.

Men with mother issues, often take their frustration out on the women they date, marry or just randomly meet. He'll be over-critical, complain all the damn time, point out your flaws, and is often abusive. It's not you he's mad at, it's his mother and missing father. He'll make all kinds of excuses to justify his immature actions, but unless he's able to confront his own issues, pain or his mother, nothing will change. He'll go through life justifying his limiting beliefs and recruit others to collaborate on his misery. Who needs that?

If your man has a habit of fucking up, do not make it a habit of accepting it. You are not his mother. Take a good look at yourself and realize that you can definitely do better. If he is willing and makes a serious effort to be in a loving relationship, you determine if he's worth it. Although rare, people can change. Be clear about what you want from a man or woman. Write it down, visualize it, because you can have it. Never stay in a relationship where the down times outweigh the happy times. Don't lose yourself to the point where your dreams die, you lack ambition, or your self-esteem gets crushed so low that you feel like lint on the carpet of an abandoned house; that is not what you are here for. If someone is not able to acknowledge you as the amazing, eccentric, crazy, intelligent, insanely uniquely made divine being you are, then fuck them! Thank you very much.

Lavidus, Author