Taking Inventory

So I make sure at least once a year I retreat to my mothers house. Its just her and my elderly grandmother there. Its where I go to take inventory. I go there and think about what's going in my life and relationships. Her house is a good place because I am a reflection of them. The millennial version I like to think lol. As our generations progress we are what are what our parents knew plus what they think needed improvement from their experience. So when I am there I think about my life, my relationship with my husband, my relationship with my daughter, my career and professional goals relative the generations before me. Separately as my own person too, of course, but the comparison to them is important. I believe each generation is supposed to get better. I also enjoy observing them together, our conversations, and helping in anyway I can. This is also important. It contributes to maintaining humbleness. Family keeps you grounded. They interject those wise nuggets in conversation, that if you aren't listening and present, you wont catch. For me, its also a refueling. I come from strong women. Women who have endured alot. Overcame alot. Going home isn't draining for me, cause we are all lights. We encourage, we hold accountable, we remind each other that we gotta keep going. That a way can be found. We do this everywhere we go, with everyone we interact with. This is a blessing and a curse, but that's another blog. I live in a different state. Married, with a teenage daughter. While at my mothers this time I thought about the way I've changed in the last year. The years happenings. Things I was doing at the beginning of the year versus what I am doing now. There has been alot of changes. I definitely allowed circumstances to create distance between myself and people I have associated with closely. Being a person who as I described earlier in this blog, I have the tendency to be the person maintaining my relationships. I made a conscious effort to still show up, be respectful and reciprocal but not over extend or over explain. To be available for conversation and support but not interject myself. To say no when I need to. This has made a difference. For my stress level, for my social level. This is a positive. These behaviors have been an ongoing process for me. Its easy to regress if you aren't paying attention. If your not cognizant of your emotions. My husband and I are the oldest millennials. In our decade of marriage, we've had millennial problems, but overall its been good. Unfortunately millennials, by the design of our society today are pretty selfish people. Marriage teaches you ways you are selfish that you didn't even realize. Its a totally different level of relationship and intimacy. The highs, the lows, the compromises, the family emergencies and issues you support each other through. The recognizing of your own families dysfunctions you demonstrate that you didn't realize was toxic until the mirror of marriage was placed in front of you. It's a journey. We have truly grown together. Grown through it. We are actually happy. Typing this, I am laughing cause this shit has been hilarious. He's awesome though. And then, there is my daughter. Yes, I started the sentence with "and" cause that girl has been just a delight. This girl God gave me when I was 21 years old, don't get me started on her. but she is 19 now and doing great. Its been an experience being a parent. Navigating the decisions of life with her...because of her. Look how my tone changed on her. But seriously, parenting a young adult, give her room to learn, make her own decisions, still coach a little from the side line, sure to speak confidence and love into her still. My mom was the "you 18, you grown" type. Or at least that's how I interpreted her statements and behaviors at that age. I am not doing that. I'm definitely closer to, and more available to, and more present to my daughter than my mom was when I was 19. I definitely encouraged her to not move out and just go live on campus during the school year. I made some pretty sketchy decisions at her age while in college and in my own apartment, hence her existence lol. Parenting a mini adult is new, but I think I'm killin' it. We do check ins. Alot of processing together. She's very smart, and I'm not just saying that cause I'm her mom. I'm enjoying watching her grow into the woman she is going to be. All this during a pandemic and shutdown. We did pretty good.