humor
"Humor is what binds humans together and makes difficult times just a little less painful; Sometimes you can't help but laugh. "
An Affair to Remember
Remember the day we first met? I was a college freshman, eighteen years old, and working a part-time job at a grocery store. You were waiting for me on campus one day unexpectedly. I should have said good-bye the minute I realized who you really were, but I was curious. It couldn’t hurt to just look, I told myself.
By Alecia Kennedy5 years ago in Humans
After
You look around the dark and dusty office, not quite sure how you ended up here. It is actually bigger than it looks, but file cabinets and open boxes full of official forms clutter every wall and make the space claustrophobic. The office belongs to the woman behind the desk, who raises an unamused eyebrow as she looks first at you, then at the man sitting in the chair next to you. He wears eyeliner and a spiked choker, and the tips of his hair are dyed green. He squeezes the arms of the chair in a white-knuckle grip.
By Breanne Sanders5 years ago in Humans
A Night Out
It’s my wife’s idea to go to the musical. As a rule, I hate musicals. Why do they have to keep breaking into song? Show, don’t sing. However, Les Mis is her favorite, and as I chose our last date night (which I thought was pretty damn amazing, who doesn’t love trivia nights), I suppose in the interest of fairness, it’s her turn. So, here I am standing in our bedroom in front of the open closet wishing I had a head cold. I check my throat for swollen lymph nodes. Nothing. I rotate my shoulders feeling for a torn rotator cuff. Nil. Apparently, I’m a picture of health. Damn it.
By Natalie Jaeger5 years ago in Humans
Daryl and the Barn Owl
Are you a pleasant person? No? Oh my, okay-- no need to be so aggressive about it. If you happen to know any pleasant people, they might be a lot like Daryl Dimpies: A thoroughly polite and charming individual, soft-spoken, gives to charities, tips well, flosses regularly and compliments often. Daryl was mostly well-liked in his community (with the exception of some perpetually fussy grouch-boxes) and enjoyed stopping by his local coffee shop in the mornings or evenings.
By Ian Coleman5 years ago in Humans
Four Signs
Four Signs I sat at the small kitchen table, overlooking my friend’s small herb garden. Pansy was just taking some cinnamon rolls out of the oven and the aroma was heavenly. “I still think you just need to embrace your inner witch,” Pansy fussed as she sat down the rolls in the middle of the table.
By Aileen Beeler5 years ago in Humans
Cats don't play with Barn Owls
For starters, do you figure Barn Owls got their name from barns? I mean, obviously but, from liking to hang out in them? Like someone was walking near a barn hundreds of years ago and saw a Barn Owl for the first time and decided to call it that? It seems unfair to Barn Owls, I mean they’ve probably been around for way longer than barns, owls I mean. Though I´m not sure, I´ll have to check, but just out of common sense I mean, barns were probably invented to store food, so they came once ancient folks’ need for saving food happened which, according to some books I’ve read recently (yes, you heard correctly, hon, and I´m talking about thick ones, like 10 American Truckers stalked up tight, I mean the ones that take months to read and only brainy people finish – which is not my case, but I’ve perused* through them a lot), it happened once humans became sedentary, I mean once they stopped traveling around like gypsies and figured out how to grow food themselves. That’s when they came up with the problem of storing it, keeping it from being stolen by animals, wolves or bears or, who knows, maybe even owls. No, wait. Just a sec, hon. Yeah, just checked, owls eat flesh. Who knew, right? They seem so defenseless, those soft feathers and heart-shaped face (google’m up hon, so you know what I’m talking about – see? Their faces look like a heart, like that weird cartoon Livy watches, sweet and pettable). But actually they’re vicious. They hunt at night with like x-ray super power eyes, and they’re sneaky as heck. Lethal. Which brings me to the topic of cats. Well, actually, side note, did you know owls don’t produce sounds? They don’t get wet either, I think it’s connected somehow, but yeah, you just can’t hear them, which is what makes them some of the most killer raptors. Weird, huh? Raptor. Rrrraptor. Say it, c’mon say it, honey. Ha, I love listening to you doing it. Rolling your Rs, that’s something I’ll leave to your Latino family, beans and cheese must train your mouth to do it, ha, and I don’t mean it in a demeaning way, you know how much I love my enfriyoladas, but I just can’t do it, I just sound like a white dumb giant when I try, you’ve heard me. But coming back to the subject, really, It’s not a word one relates with an owl, huh? Raptor - Immediately makes you think of a gator or a reptile creature equipped with a mouth-filled, bloodstained, killer razor-like teeth. No, no, no, don’t get ideas, I’m not playing with those anymore, hun. I told you I’ll get outta here soon and I meant it, cross my heart and hope to die, right? If I had a Barn Owl with me, I could cross its face, ha! Get it? Cause they are shaped like hearts. Gosh, the things you make me say, don’t tell Larry I’m being such a sap, he’ll pull me out o’tha shop. I’m putting some stars on my forehead working here at the library, you know? Learning stuff, you’d be proud. Are you proud? I mean, not because I’m in here, that’s shameful, specially having been so dumb and getting caught, but I mean proud of me because I’m being good and workin’ and earning respect here. Who knew I’d like it, right? I mean, no, I miss you, yes hun, you know I do, but, I’ll tell you a secret sweetie (imagine I’m whispering now, ok? and DON’T tell Larry I’m being soft, ok, ready, here it goes) – the pound isn’t so terrible. (Are you slapping me now?) I mean, I even get fed better than your burnt water, ha! Just kidding, babe, I know you make an effort and we can always order pizza, “no anchovies cause they stink,” don’t think I’ve forgot about dear Livy, no hon, I’ll love’r as if she was my own, that’s what I promised and that’s what I’ll do. No, babe, I haven’t forgot about dear Livy nor about her savage cat, which is the whole reason I’m writing this letter in the first place, see? Well, it turns out Barn Owls don’t get along with cats, it’s proved, by science hun, lab rats like your bro know it, ask him, so I’m very sorry, but when I come out the cat’s gonna have to leave because I’m becoming a falconer (which is a confusing name because I’ll not get a falcon but an owl, a Barn Owl, and will name her Heart, you like it? Tell Livy it’ll be swell).
By Pia Watson5 years ago in Humans
The Needles
Edith’s knitting needles clattered to the floor as her head slumped Raggedy-Ann style toward her right shoulder, hands dangling over the arms of her chair, eyelids fluttering. After securing Edith’s tongue and teeth, LiddieAnn pulled the kettle from the fire and shouted toward the darkened hallway. “Yella! Mama’s spellin’! Get out here!”
By JANINA M FULLER5 years ago in Humans
The Haunted Barn
The barn had been built back in the early forties when Josie's grandfather purchased twenty acres in Johnson County, Illinois, to farm. It was a grand barn for its day. Her grandpa painted it a bright, apple red with white trim. That barn was her grandfather's pride and joy.
By Cheryl Mason Thompson5 years ago in Humans
BABY IT'S COLD OUTSIDE
SO, THIS HAPPENED TODAY..... Lisa has always loved birds. It makes no difference what kind of birds she is watching, Lisa loves them all. We did rescues on a Congo African Grey and a lesser sulfur-crested cockatoo that only increased her fascination with birds. Lisa is in a wheelchair now and can't go hiking with binoculars to look for wild bird species, but this hasn't entirely frustrated her desire to study birds. Our friend, Terry, and I put up a bird feeder right outside Lisa's bedroom window. The members of Lisa's other obsession, cats, are as thrilled to lie on the bed and observe the feeder as she is and they spend many ours suitably entertained.
By ANN TOPMILLER5 years ago in Humans
Popcorn
Mom has always loved popcorn. When we were kids Mom would take me and Ben to Tower movies almost every week. You could rent out a movie for seven days, so we’d usually get one foreign or black and white movie for mom and one that me and Ben could watch. We’d always go for the new releases but I think they were slightly more spendy than the older movies.
By Jessica Stapp5 years ago in Humans
