humor

"Humor is what binds humans together and makes difficult times just a little less painful; Sometimes you can't help but laugh. "

People May Not Want to Read What I Want to Say
Yes, that title is correct and before you say anything, yes, I did read the rules and regulations and any fine print and white ink. Hear me out before you adjourn with, "This girl's lost the whole damn plot!". I started out on Vocal as someone who hadn't spent a day of her life doing voluntary writing. I started because of an ad detailing the Goodbye Donald writing competition and as a young Canadian who shows the same level and attitude of engagement in US politics as I did Schitt's Creek (great show, FYI), I definitely wanted to share my two cents. I continued writing on Vocal because I enjoyed having incentivized prompts to inspire me to write (for pretense: I am a giant science nerd, sadly not the biggest free-flowing, creative mind). I wanted to start finding something I like to write about that I can really get into. For the past few weeks, I took a break from checking out stories and thinking up ideas for my internet literature because I decided to talk to humans (I know, yikes). To make matters worse, not even humans I know, just humans around me: coffee-drinkers, subway-surfers, puddle-hoppers, grocery-shoppers, the whole funky bunch. Now for anyone who knows me, I'm not one to initiate random conversation; I've never been the one who got to know the mail man or who had a regular barista or even the one who said the cheeky "hey, how you doing?" to the people boarding the same elevator as me. I'm the one with the earbuds damn near stapled to my ears with a constant stream of music playing until I reach my destination, find a familiar face, or am interrupted by someone who is the aforementioned random conversation initiator.
By Arya5 years ago in Humans
A Tale of Two Sittings
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…. My friend, being of a few economic classes higher than myself, moves in such circles that occasional tickets to large scale events are mysteriously forthcoming. He, a gentleman and a scholar, will at times furnish these tickets upon friends and family when such an action confers him some social advantage.
By Argumentative Penguin5 years ago in Humans
Legal Alien in Southern California (Part 3)
I started to get to know my host family more during the orientation. Rick owns an air conditioner business and the wife has a lot of health problems so she stayed home most of the time.
By icyflows5 years ago in Humans
Drunken Walrus Aerobics
I’m a big girl. I always have been. This fact was really driven home for me when I had to be rescued by emergency services, after managing to wedge my fat ass between two boulders while playing at age ten, because I couldn’t crawl my way back out through the opening.
By Megan Oliver5 years ago in Humans
Do I look like I belong here?
One Saturday night, after a day of thrift-shopping and museum-hopping, my lipstick butch, drop-dead gorgeous then-girlfriend and I were headed home, tired, but still wired. We were going to take our time getting home by way of dinner, then a little dancing, pool, and cognac at our favorite bar in West Hollywood.
By Synecdoche5 years ago in Humans
I put the ice cream in the oven
When I was younger, around 8 or 9 years old, I wanted to learn how to make this ice cream that my mom had bought for me. I had just moved to Arizona from Haiti and I didn't know jack squat about America, let alone the various flavors of this well-known frozen dessert. And yes I've had ice cream prior to my move but it was rare and it was a different country...I don't know what else to tell you.
By Madame D5 years ago in Humans
Pool Day
Later it would be known as the hottest July 4th on record. On that day, the public pool was filled to the brim with every variation of suburban kid. I just wanted to fit in. But my mother made sure I was slathered with zinc oxide; my flowered bathing cap was securely clipped under my chin and my JC Penney bathing suit was properly fitted.
By Patti Hodder5 years ago in Humans
Sweet Tea and Culture Shock
In 2013, my husband and I took a slow trip up the east coast from North Carolina, spending three days in each location, and I decided this would be a kind of social experiment. I called it the “Sweet Tea Tour”.
By Linda Rue Quinn5 years ago in Humans
THE HAIRCUT
I was raised on a Welsh hill farm surrounded by sheep and the wilds of life that populated an area that was mostly devoid of people. Limited access to the so called civilized world isolated the sparse human population. No modern conveniences, such as electricity and indoor plumbing, were available and transportation was intermittent at best. Neighbors and friends would visit occasionally, usually on horseback, dropping by after visiting the local pub or returning from a shepherding foray into the wild uplands. It was on one of these occasions when Gibb Lewis dropped by on his way to his own isolated hill farm.
By John Dingley5 years ago in Humans
A WORLD OF OPTIMISM
There are still a few old shepherds left roaming the hills of Wales, on horseback, accompanied by alert working dogs. Many years ago one of these old shepherds made his way down off the hill, as he often did, to his local watering hole. A journey on horseback, that he took at least once a week and of course the dogs went along and sat obediently around his favorite barstool, which, as anyone who knew him, would immediately vacate out of deferential respect, as he entered the establishment.
By John Dingley5 years ago in Humans
20 (lighthearted) Quarantine Side Effects
So this year has hit us hard. Our minds. Our bodies. Romantic lives. Social lives. Spiritual lives. Our Amazon budget..... and streaming service(s) budget. Our bangs (r.i.p.). And the list goes on.
By Flora5 years ago in Humans
Bee 🐝 Transparent
As Spring approached in Ohio, our family was more than ready to dust off the zero gravity chairs and get sunshine on our pale almost anemic appearing skin. The pandemic and more than forty days straight with no sunshine, had us lacking in more than Vitamin D. We wanted fresh air, our chairs and our deck, understanding that green earth would come as the seasonal change progressed. Slowly a few days here, then a few days there, the sun gradually came. Glorious!!! The birds started singing and congregating earlier as the sun rose earlier and the temperatures warmed. Perfect I thought. I’d drop down into my chair, throwing my head back, toes wriggling in the warm air and balancing myself just so- lock my zero gravity into place for optimal sun exposure and be all set to go . My daughter not long behind me would do the same with dogs in tow. We’d monitor the dogs in the yard balancing from our chairs, as they’d watch clouds drift, smell their favorite spots and laze around. Ry our youngest and most amorous loved to rip and tear about the yard at top speed then skid to a stop just before crashing into the chairs on the deck, tongue hanging out, spittle flying while spattering the hot wood drying almost as soon as it sizzled there in that midday heat.
By DEEJAY 5 years ago in Humans