Spiritual Growth Isn’t Linear—It’s Messy

For most of my life, I thought spiritual growth would feel like rising steps—orderly, upward, predictable.

Like leveling up.

Like climbing a ladder toward enlightenment, each rung offering more clarity and peace.

But then came the unraveling.

The doubts. The dips. The days when I felt further away from “wholeness” than ever before.

And I realized something no one told me:

Spiritual growth isn’t linear. It’s cyclical. It’s chaotic. It’s deeply, beautifully messy.

🌿 The Illusion of a Straight Path

We often imagine spirituality as a clean journey:

First, you meditate.

Then, you heal your wounds.

Then, you ascend to higher consciousness and never feel anxious again.

But that’s not how it works.

Real spiritual growth is:

One day full of clarity, the next day full of confusion.

Moments of profound connection, followed by total disconnection.

Joy that makes you cry, followed by grief that humbles you.

Growth isn’t about always feeling better.

Sometimes, it’s about feeling more—and learning how to stay present in all of it.

🔄 The Spiral of Becoming

Spiritual growth moves in spirals.

You revisit old wounds with new awareness.

You return to the same lesson, only deeper.

You think you’ve healed something—and then life hands you another layer.

And that’s not failure.

That’s proof you’re evolving.

Because true growth doesn’t mean “I’m over this forever.”

It means: I relate to this differently now.

🧘 What the “Mess” Really Means

1. Doubt Is Part of the Journey

You will question everything—your beliefs, your purpose, your worth.

You might even walk away from things you once clung to.

This isn’t regression. It’s expansion.

Faith that never questions itself doesn’t grow—it calcifies.

Doubt is how your soul stretches.

2. Feeling Lost Isn’t the Same as Being Lost

There will be times when you feel directionless—when old tools no longer work and new ones haven’t yet appeared.

This is the space between stories.

It’s sacred, even if it feels empty.

Confusion is often a sign that you’re shedding what no longer fits.

3. You’ll Have to Let Go Again and Again

People. Beliefs. Identities.

Sometimes what once felt like “truth” becomes a cage.

Part of spiritual growth is grieving the versions of yourself that no longer serve you—and trusting that releasing them makes room for something wiser.

🌧️ The Beauty in the Breakdown

Some of my biggest breakthroughs came after breakdowns.

The night I couldn’t pray, but cried anyway.

The moment I screamed into a pillow instead of pretending I was okay.

The silence that followed a long season of spiritual burnout.

I thought I had failed.

But those moments were actually openings.

Places where my soul could finally breathe without the weight of performance.

🌺 Growth Doesn’t Always Feel Good

Not every insight comes with bliss.

Sometimes growth feels like:

Rage

Grief

Loneliness

Deep, aching vulnerability

But if you can stay with it—stay with yourself—you’ll find that even the mess has meaning.

🧩 Embracing the Nonlinear Path

Here’s what’s helped me:

🌗 1. Track Your Patterns, Not Your Perfection

Instead of asking, “Am I healed yet?”, ask:

“What do I understand now that I didn’t before?”

“How do I respond to pain differently than I used to?”

“What am I releasing, again and again, with more compassion?”

🛐 2. Redefine What Counts as “Spiritual”

Maybe prayer doesn’t look like folding your hands.

Maybe healing doesn’t look like lighting a candle.

Maybe your spiritual practice is:

Going to therapy

Holding your inner child with kindness

Saying “no” when you used to people-please

Spirituality lives in the body. In the boundary. In the breath.

🌙 3. Rest Is Part of the Practice

You don’t have to be in constant pursuit.

Some days are for integration.

Some weeks are for rest.

Stillness is spiritual too.

💭 Final Thoughts: Becoming Isn’t Linear

If you’re in a messy phase, know this:

You’re not broken.

You’re not doing it wrong.

You’re not falling behind.

You’re shedding.

You’re deepening.

You’re becoming.

Growth doesn’t always look graceful.

Sometimes it looks like crying in the dark.

Sometimes it looks like laughing at your old beliefs.

Sometimes it looks like walking away from the very things that once saved you.

And all of it counts.

All of it is sacred.

Because spirituality isn’t about being above the mess.

It’s about being fully within it—and trusting that even in the chaos, you are still being guided.