Some Crazy Poly Life

There is no way in hell this could be a made up story.

This is a journey of figuring our shit while making the worst decisions along the way.

About seven years ago, my primary partner and I found ourselves wrapped in sheets rolling around naked (quite excited). Unlike every other married couple we found ourselves doing this with an old friend. Yeah, that's right....Our pervy dreams came true. Four years into our marriage, hundreds of blowout fights later. We were having a threesome. I know what you must be thinking...."Yeah, yeah, yeah....lots of couples have threesomes to spice up the marriage. Sometimes they regret what they did that drunken night and sometimes they don't. Most of the time the people involved never speak of it again."

Not us. We were different. A pivotal moment for all three parties involved really. The morning after we lay in bed. Look at one another and smile. Smiling only because that was probably the best sex we have all ever had. Satisfied with ourselves we sit up and sit in blissful silence. I was the first to speak...I was always the first to speak.

"That was fucking great. Why in all hell did it take us this long to do that?"

My partner replied, "I have had threesomes before but that was different. I can't put my finger on it but that was something else."

Our childhood friend who only had visited for a brief dinner party the night before laughed. She said something that would forever change our lives.

"Compersion."

I ran to look this up. I pulled out my phone. I typed the word into google dictionary. I was so confused. My friend was a very intelligent human. They never spoke of things that they could not confidently back up with evidence or explanation. I tried to type the spelling in so many ways and it just was not working.

"There is no definition according the google dictionary (circa 2011). What does that even mean?" I looked dumbfounded at the two naked people sitting up with shit eating grins on their faces.

"You won't find a definition in THAT kind of dictionary. It's a word to describe the enjoyment of watching your (romantic) partner and feeling arousal, you know like, joy." The two of them laughed.

Was I missing something? I must have been. I had never heard of this mysterious term. I went my entire life wondering what I was doing through high school. Plotting hooking up with the same person as my best friends. Us giggling when we got to fuck the same person. Oh, and the earlier years of my sex life, fucking in the bed right next to my friend while they watched a movie with no care at all about the fornication happening next to them.

Was this everything I experienced throughout my previous sex life? I always thought of myself as a "freak", a "weirdo. There I was. The weight lifted off of my shoulders. Was their a name for my adolescent voyeurism?

Compersion. The act of enjoying the love, passion and sex between your own partner and another human. The flood gates had opened. WE WERE NEVER GOING BACK.

No Monogamous bullshit ever again. I was never going back. I finally had a name for the way I had always felt. I was so ashamed all of those years. Like, somehow my childhood trauma had made me a weirdo who likes sharing my sexual partners with others. This was it. Polyamory was the way for me. I could be myself and own it. The best part has yet to come. Oh the adventures we would go on after this experience. All I could see was rainbows and happiness. I never saw what could be coming next. The impending doom of being a polyamorous couple in this day and age. The mess we were about to find ourselves in a few years later is nothing that you or any person, queer or not could find themselves in.