Sabotage a Relationship - With or Without Good Intentions?

What is sabotage of a couple's relationship? It is a situation in which a person - inside or outside - tries to harm the relationship or even destroy it! Why? For various reasons: malice, jealousy, fear, or "good intentions"!

As stated, the sabotage of a relationship can come from outside, but also from inside the couple. This means that one of the partners has decided to end the relationship or is facing insecurity and confusion regarding her.

Out of fear of having an open conversation, of telling their partner directly that the relationship needs to end, and out of a desire to avoid tears of pain or anger, some people resort to sabotaging a relationship. I do this by adopting behaviors that I know for sure will bother my partner, thus slowly moving away from him until he reaches a deadlock where everything is over.

The partner in question becomes distant, begins to behave strangely, is no longer open and affectionate, and spends more and more time with others to the detriment of the partner. These are not necessarily signs of infidelity, but maybe symptoms of sabotage. He starts behaving differently and adopts some behaviors that he knows the other person can't stand, for example, he goes to certain places with certain people, he starts listening to certain music, he starts talking in a certain way.

And when the ignorant partner blames him for these strange changes, he has a ready excuse: "if you don't accept me as I am, we'd better finish it right now"! And the other one doesn't know what happened! It's a pretty unfair and mischievous way to get out of a relationship "with clean hands" and not feel like a fly in the ointment because it's your partner's fault.

The saboteur does everything he can to get the partner to initiate the breakup! Thus, he escaped without giving explanations, without confronting the feelings and emotions of sadness, anger, and frustration of the other!

But sabotaging a relationship can come from outside. There are two situations: In the first, someone simply wants out of jealousy or malice to harm the relationship. It could be someone in the entourage of one of the partners who has either been in love with him at some point or is simply envious of those who have a successful relationship!

This type of person will start to "get rid" of all sorts of allusions about the partner's past, about who or how many he has seen, about him/her as a person. There is always an envious or simply malicious person who likes to create conflicts, who says things like, "Your new conquest has gone through a lot, it doesn't have a great reputation," "It's cute.", it must be a bit silly "," I never imagined you would ever date such a person "," I heard that… ".

And no matter how much his partner tries to ignore such allusions, the curiosity born in him will urge him to check these details and can range from simple malice to serious misunderstandings.

But sabotaging a relationship can also be done with so-called "good intentions", even by the sincere friends of one of the couple's partners. Why? Because most of the time my friends think that they know more clearly than she/he what is good for her/him and they are always a little jealous when one of their friends pays them less attention in favor of a new partner.

Friends sincerely believe that they know the person best and that they have the right to decide whether or not someone is right for him or them. They are not thinking about whether that person is right for their boyfriend, but whether they are doing well in their group or whether they are moving their friend away from their group.

And if the new partner doesn't fit in with the "group spirit" and doesn't make the effort to integrate and spend time with the friends of the new boyfriend/girlfriend, there is only one step left to sabotage!

How do you sabotage a relationship in this case? For the first time, only through discreet allusions, friends "probe the ground" to see how serious the situation is and how much they risk if they openly express their opinion. They will say as subtly as possible that their friend's new partner is not exactly what they expected, that he is different, that they do not see him/her as part of the group.

The second phase of sabotage: friends begin to remind their friend how good and exciting the bachelor's life was, how many funny adventures they had together, how something like this will not happen as long as X is with her / he only talks about the "good times" when X does not exist in their lives! The third and final step in sabotaging a relationship? I start to explain to her with goodwill and care that X hurts her, that she is not at all suitable for her/him, that she is just wasting her time, that she can aim much higher, that she can have a partner. the much better couple, that no one likes him/her.

This is where the end of the line has already come. Depending on how close the partner is to his friends, how influential he is and how much he likes his new partner, he will make a decision: either there will be an argument with friends and a cool relationship with them, or it will follow… parting! It all depends on the friends, that's why it's so important for a new partner to try as much as possible to integrate into the boyfriend/girlfriend's group.

There are cases in which the sabotage of an external relationship will not be able to fulfill its purpose, no matter how many attempts are made in this regard: those relationships are strong and deserve all the sacrifices from both partners because they were meant to be!