Players Are Insecure

I’ve been struck by a smooth criminal enough times to be able to recognize one immediately. They catch my eye from across the way, and I'm confronted by a devilishly handsome face with a small smile playing on the lips, and a gleam in the eyes. They all carry this confidence.

They’ve been turning heads for some time, and that’s what gives them confidence - attention. I’m just another pair of eyes boosting their ego.

The last player I fell for pursued me to the point of annoyance, so much so that I would avoid him. Then out of nowhere, the feelings came and shot me in the foot.

The signs that I was a potential notch on his belt were there, but I bore rose-coloured glasses. I heard stories, like how after sleeping with a girl he’d point her out to his friends and mouth the words ‘another one’.

On our second date, I told him I liked him, and he simply smiled. We had gone to the fair, and a camera snapped a photo of us careening down the roller coaster’s first drop. After the ride, I made a beeline towards the photos. He stopped mid-stride, said he didn’t want one. I only wanted to laugh at the ridiculous expressions the camera caught while we all had our stomachs in our throats. If he was serious about me, he would’ve wanted that photo as a keepsake. Soon after that, I got dumped.

Around the same time my health took a turn. I hit a low point in my life, which led to my spiritual journey. When the next player came around I was in a different place mentally and emotionally. He was a friend of a friend, blue-eyed and blonde Madmen hair. He smiles at girls like he knows he can pull them.

One night he told my friend, knowing she would tell me, he wanted to have fun with me, but nothing serious. My friend was all smiles when she conveyed the message.

“He’s hot!” She gushed like I had won something.

The offer was not validating, rather it was insulting. He only wanted my body. It wasn’t worth it for him to explore my mind, or listen to my stories. I was someone for him to expend his sexual energy with and really he could get that anywhere.

Players need women to prop up their ego, which makes it quite fragile. I have learned through healing, and practicing self-love and acceptance that validation that is sourced from outside of us is false because what happens when there is no attention?

Confidence based on validation from others, particularly strangers, is not confidence, but a futile attempt at healing an insecurity. Confidence is a feeling that comes from inside of us, not outside of us. Real confidence comes from knowing our own worth.

Attention is validating, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I’m human, and when I receive attention from a fellow human, even just their gaze, it feels good. We evolved with eyes, and they are drawn to things that are aesthetically pleasing. Something seemingly simple as one’s attention is actually highly sought after.

Still, it is worth becoming aware of where our confidence is coming from. People who don’t actively look for attention are powerful because quiet confidence is attractive.

Some players are driven by their false confidence to become successful, which in turn cultivates confidence within. The players who don’t, well we all eventually we get older and receive less attention, and they turn into washed-up players.

While attention is nice, real confidence comes from knowing you’re the shit despite other’s opinions.