Peace demands emotional maturity

Los Angeles-USA, 2023.

It was a Thursday evening, and only Mason and I were in the house as our Thursdays used to be. The evening started with some art explorations. Between a monster and a robot, Mason began to tell me about two kids who were reacting violently during playtime at his preschool. One was a boy, and the other was a girl. They were biting and pushing other kids when their demands were not met. Mason told me about it with a disappointed look and a sad voice; it was somehow sweet to notice that he was upset with the situation.

"It seems they are dealing with a lot of anger, and they do not know what to do with that."

I said that to Mason, taking the opportunity to talk about emotions. It is never too early (or too late) to learn about emotional tools.

"Yeah... They get really angry and they do not know what to do."

Mason agreed.

"Do you get angry, Mason? What do you do when you get angry?"

"I breath, Bani."

The effect of those words was priceless. My heart got warm, and my eyes watered a bit. Breath is one of the most potent emotional tools a human can learn. I remember an adult moment when I had to deal with a significant amount of anger. The feeling of calming myself down was so extremely powerful that, at that moment, I promised myself this was something I needed to teach my children in the early stages of their lives.

When I became a stepmother, I embraced a maternal figure committed to passing along emotional tools. Whenever I observed Mason as being too anxious, frustrated or too agitated, I would ask him to breathe and then use his words to communicate what was going on. I perceived this as an efficient way to facilitate healthy (re)actions. Hearing from this 4-year-old that this learning was integrating and guiding his decisions felt gratifying, but more than that, it felt like an answer to something bigger.

By experiencing almost three years of human development, I was allowed to observe human behaviour closely at the early stage of self-construction. As someone intrigued by psychoanalysis, it was a chance to analyse its foundations. My dream utopia, that anything can be solved through respectful dialogue, was proven to be very possible. So why is humanity where it is? Emotional maturity is a rare behaviour.

When I moved to Los Angeles in 2018, I began volunteering at EmpowHer, an organisation that provides a social-emotional learning class to girls aged 11-18. During the mentorship training, they mentioned that the program started focusing only on high schoolers. Still, they felt it was too late for a more profound impact, so they shifted to younger girls and got improved results and higher chances of succeeding.

Both of those experiences served as evidence of the power of emotional tools towards societal healing. I wonder what kind of society we could create if preschool curricula incorporate emotional tools, teaching for kids, but also for parents. As children get inspired and absorb adults' behaviours, it is unlikely to get profound results if both don't walk hand in hand.

"History stops repeating itself when you heal" - Xavier Dagba

I believe it is time for a world without war. Humans have evolved enough to discover a variety of knowledge that can transform this utopian thinking into a fresh reality. Honour your healing. Honour your daily choices.