Overwhelmed with a Friendship!

Friendships are supposed to be treasured and not take for granted. However, as most individuals have discovered at one time or another, some friendships are TOXIC. Why do individuals remain in these relations? That is based on one’s personal experiences.

I am thinking about this because I too have a toxic friendship. I have asked myself multiple times why do I remain in this relationship. There are multiple excuses that I have come up with:

1. Want to give the friend a benefit of doubt.

2. Want to keep trying to be there.

3. Want to keep trying to understand what they are going through.

4. Do not want to lose a friend.

5. And on and on!

The truth is these are my issues, and they cloud the reality and truth of the situation.

True friends are hard to find. So, what is a friendship?

Definition of Friends from the online Merriam Dictionary: (Dictionary, 2020)

1a: one attached to another by affection or esteem She's my best friend.

b: acquaintance

2a: one that is not hostile Is he a friend or an enemy?

b: one that is of the same nation, party, or group showbiz friends

3: one that favors or promotes something (such as a charity) this trend has alarmed friends of the liberal arts— Raymond Walters the friends of the library will host a fund-raiser.

4: a favored companion

5 capitalized: a member of a Christian sect that stresses Inner Light, rejects sacraments and an ordained ministry, and opposes war

As stated in article posted by Alex Lickerman M.D. the true meaning of friendship is not what is best for you but for both your friend and you. So, he offers some concept on providing insight of how someone is worthy of being a friend.

What makes a friend worthy of the name? (M.D., 2013)

1. A commitment to your happiness. A true friend is consistently willing to put your happiness before your friendship. It's said that "good advice grates on the ear," but a true friend won't refrain from telling you something you don't want to hear, something that may even risk fracturing the friendship, if hearing it lies in your best interest. A true friend will not lack the mercy to correct you when you're wrong. A true friend will confront you with your drinking problem as quickly as inform you about a malignant-looking skin lesion on your back that you can't see yourself.

2. Not asking you to place the friendship before your principles. A true friend won't ask you to compromise your principles in the name of your friendship or anything else. Ever.

3. A good influence. A true friend inspires you to live up to your best potential, not to indulge your basest drives.

In my own circumstance, I have had to evaluate my friendship with someone. I realize that this friend is not considerate of anyone’s happiness but their own. I have seen this over the years, but I have been too stubborn to realize the damage it has created in my personal life. This person is not a bad person. However, this person is driven to please themselves and only themselves. I have seen this in their other friendship relations and denied myself the ability to see it. I would always make excuses for this person.

As time has now gone on, I must look at myself and think about what type of friend I am. I choose not to be the type of friend that I just broke ties with. I want to be the type of friend that others see as someone they can rely on being honest and always there for them. I want others to know that their friendship is valuable and respected. So, ask yourself, what type of friend are you?

References

Dictionary, M.-W. (2020). Definition of Friends. Retrieved December 12, 2020, from Merriam-Webster's Unabridged Dictionary: https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/friends

M.D., A. L. (2013, December 15). Psychology Today. (Sussex Publishers, LLC ) Retrieved December 12, 2020, from Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/happiness-in-world/201312/the-true-meaning-friendship