One last goodbye

he man I fell in love with, he was a lie. He was a falsity that you so methodically created, a mask you wore while we were together, to hide the evils you allowed to consume you. The evils you were too much of a coward to speak of. I served only as a stage prop for you, for the narcissistic ego-maniacal screenplay you wrote along the way. I was a coverup, a disguise and a distraction. And when the plot thickened you became weaker and weaker as I in turn became stronger and stronger. That's when the resentment and the hatred thrived. I went to jail and you were finally able to have your fun. To fuck everything and everyone that you came across. You had no self respect not to mention respect for your fiance, the one person who stuck by your side even when I never should have stayed. You chose to fuck the most foul human beings possible while I was suffering. You disgraced not only me but yourself with all the hideous shit you thought you were clever enough to keep from me. You paraded around and bragged like it was something to be proud of. I will never understand why, why you were so intent on hurting me. Did you ever take a second and ask yourself what you were doing? No, of course not. You are a weak, desperate, lonely, loveless, selfish, pathetic, coward-ess, closet homesexual. You wouldn't believe all the people who contacted me and told me the truth about you, the people who you thought would stay quiet. They all finally see who you really are and they have now been by my side through all this bullshit you have put me through. I thought you were the one humiliating me, but really you have destroyed your own name, destroyed your future, destroyed every relationship and friendship in your life. Do you even have the capacity to care for another living thing? All you have done is make enemies, and lost anyone that ever cared about you. All you have done is hurt others and yourself, and for what? Having meaningless sex?

I don't regret anything . I learned alot from this experience, and I have you to thank for that. Thank you for teaching me to be resilient and strong despite being lied to continuously. I'm not sorry l loved you and thought i would spend the rest of our lives together. I'm not sorry that I lost you. I'm not sorry that I found myself when you lost me. I make no apologies to you for I am now able to look in the mirror and realize that the pain I have endured isn't my fault. I used to think the way I felt about you was me being weak, but I have come to realize that the love I held on to was never weakness but strength. It took more courage and humility and patience and love to be with a person like you. It is a beautiful quality that sets me apart from everyone.

You will spend the rest of your pathetic life making up for the mistakes you have made. You will forever look over your shoulder and sleep with one eye open. Yes you have a sliver of a chance to regain control of yourself and heal yourself and clean your mess of a life up, but you will never get close to that if you continue to blame everyone else for your fuck ups, or continue to lie about everything. You desperately need to learn to be honest and not be such a desperate coward. While others think you are damned and hopeless, i think you may have a chance to rectify the relationship with your daughter, or lack thereof, but that can only happen if you grow up, take responsibility, truly learn to love yourself, whoever that may be, and be a real man. That's when you will finally be free from the void you so desperately try to fill with all the wrong things and that is when you will finally be truly happy. I thought you had ruined me. You may have scared me physically and mentally and emotionally, but I am not ruined. I'm more of a person than I ever was. Your hatred and betrayal has made me love and be loved so much more. So thank you for trying to ruin my life cause I’m finally living it.