Non-Verbal Communication Between Children and Parents, How Is It Established and Why Is It So Important?

About nonverbal communication and children - the parent who can say with his heart that he understands his child and can communicate with him openly is the parent who knows how to transmit and decipher the nonverbal signals in communication.

Paying attention to what you convey through nonverbal language, but also to what the child conveys, is an important requirement for parent-child communication (and in general, for any type of communication).

Nonverbal communication: children and parents say much more through nonverbal language than through words: facial expressions, gaze, gestures, body posture and orientation, closeness, physical contact express so much, along with paralinguistic elements such as tone or intonation of voice!

Nonverbal communication is the language understood by anyone who pays attention, the language that deceives much harder than words. It is an extremely valuable language for parents (both for conveying the message and for understanding it), being able to emphasize what is said in words, being able to show what is important from what is being said in words (the real message) or being able to show clearly that what is said in words is false.

About nonverbal communication between children and parents:

Facial expressions are those that express the genuine emotions of people and can be easily read. They are also the most difficult to control - so a parent should always pay attention to the child's expressions, while trying to harmonize his words with his facial expression (do not send mixed messages to the child - for example, tell him "no nothing, next time you will succeed ", while your expression tells him" I am so disappointed. "You know your child, so you can learn the messages sent by his facial expressions - always pay attention to this, since studies show that a child learns from the age of 4 to say something verbally, but to believe something else entirely (which conveys the expression).

Smile - a sincere smile can lead to open communication (honestly, because the one who understands nonverbal language immediately recognizes a forced smile)! A smile gives a positive note to the discussion, so it is extremely useful in parent-child communication (in non-problematic discussions).

Eye contact. Nonverbal communication is made clear through eye-to-eye contact, which shows interest, attention. In communication with the child, you must always have eye contact - avoiding contact conveys inattention, disinterest, rejection, rejection, and even aggression, both to the parent and the child.

But it is important not to prolong this contact for a long time (more than 10 seconds at a time) because you will make it uncomfortable. Eye contact is especially important when listening to your child (so you can follow his gaze and the transmitted signals); very interesting is that when the person makes eye-to-eye contact only when he speaks and not when he listens, he transmits dominance and even aggression (so, alternate the contact, because you also want to be listened to and dominant, but you also want to convey interest).

And the movement of the eyes conveys a lot: if the gaze will run in various directions or if the gaze passes over the person, it denotes lack of interest, attention, boredom, if the gaze avoids insistently or especially is lowered down, it means a lie.

Physical contact. Nonverbal communication between children and parents also involves physical contact, which can convey affection and support or vice versa (for example, a touch on the arm can be interpreted as encouraging or vice versa, dominant and aggressive).

Physical contact is essential from the first day of a baby's life, and once the baby grows up, it makes sense for it to diminish. But it is equally logical that touch can convey more than words - a simple caress on the hand or a hug speaks more clearly than words and provides attachment. As many studies show, it is difficult for the person (child or adult) to be upset when the interlocutor approaches the appropriate distance, looks him in the eye, and easily touches the person.

And touching yourself can convey a lot: as a parent, you can understand much more just by following the child's gestures, how he uses his hands, how he touches himself. When talking about gestures, always be aware that gestures can convey aggression without the use of an aggressive word or physical gesture (for example, when you raise a hand nervously and that's it).

Proximity - the distance between speakers plays an important role, especially between parents and children. Psychologists tell us that in general, for proper communication between family members, a close distance is needed, which facilitates visual and physical contact - about 0.30–0.50 meters.

This is because a closer approach can be perceived as uncomfortable or even threatening (depending on the other non-winter signals) and a greater distance can block communication, intimacy and can favor too high a tone.

Body posture in nonverbal child-parent communication is another important signal and an aspect that, as a parent, you need to consider. For example, did you know that if you want a calm discussion in which the child listens to you, it is not advisable to sit exactly face-to-face? (face-to-face posture induces rivalry).

Also, do not stand in front of the child, looking down at him - you are only telling him that you have the power (which is not exactly beneficial for mutual communication). An appropriate position involves sitting close to the child's level, rather shoulder to shoulder, the posture with the head slightly tilted and facing the child, with the hands relaxed, at a fairly close distance.

Paralinguistic elements. Breaks in verbal communication say a lot: parents can use, for example, short breaks to draw the child's attention to the importance of what has been said (a short break may be more effective than raising the tone).

Also, a pause in speech can mean that the person is blocked or has lost their attention (the other nonverbal signals must be understood). Another important aspect in child-parent communication is the timbre, tone, and intonation of the voice: through the timbre and tone of the voice you can easily make the child defensive or threatened - you can speak to him in rational words, but the loud voice makes him perceive that he is scolded ( likewise the child, often without realizing it, will raise his voice).

And the truth is that when you want to scold or reprimand a child, a low, low tone and intensity of the voice and a jerky rhythm of speech has a greater effect than the high tone and the specific fast rhythm - it transmits hardness and seriousness (and not just nerves). Intonation shows what is essential in the message conveyed by words: what words are underlined when speaking.

Finally, nonverbal communication is often more important than words: nonverbal cues show more true emotions; through nonverbal signals, you can enter the same wave with the child and show him understanding or even influence him (by simply imitating his expressions - but not ironically - and by visual and physical contact); through nonverbal cues, you can be sure that you have understood what you are being told and that you are not lying (you can follow with a little experience the incongruity between words and nonverbal language - and so can a child, from an early age).