When Does the Child Affect the Relationship Between the Partners?

When does the child affect the relationship between life partners and not in a positive way? Often, when they are not ready for the birth of a baby when they are not ready to become a family… Of course, no one can say that he is "really ready"!

But when you consider yourself ready just because you read almost everything there was to read about raising a child in theory and when you only think about how cute it will be to have a baby, how idyllic is the image of a happy family, when you are not aware of the reality.

Being a parent also involves difficulties and a big change - then it is very likely that a child will affect the relationship between you. No matter how much you want an expensive baby, never think that everything will work out on its own and everything will go smoothly!

When the child affects the relationship between life partners:

New parenting roles - adaptation. When does the child affect the relationship between life partners? When it is very difficult for them to adapt to their new roles - mother and father, without forgetting their old roles - partners and lovers.

It is perhaps a major difficulty in giving birth to a child. First of all, get used to becoming a parent, with all that entails. Secondly, to be able to see your partner as he was before, not to perceive him as totally changed. Often, the father has difficulty seeing his partner as a girlfriend, as his partner - he sees her as a mother, a drastic change.

This difficulty leads to impaired intimacy (emotional and physical) between partners. In addition to the mother's physical recovery, in addition to extreme fatigue, the new image of the mother makes her partner move away from her sometimes - especially from the perspective of physical intimacy (he no longer sees her as the woman he wants and loves ).

But even more often, it is the new mother who rejects physical intimacy - her body is changed, and her self-image suffers: she is no longer seen as an object of desire. So she rejects her partner's attempts at intimacy, removing him (and this is because she no longer has self-confidence, is no longer seen as attractive, and ignores her sexuality).

The child's needs come first - which is normal. But the child affects the relationship between the partners in the sense that they forget that the life partner also needs attention and affection. Everything is child-centered - and the partners forget about each other.

This is especially true when we talk about the mother-child relationship: the mother sees only the little one, he is her center, forgetting her life partner. Sometimes the father feels a little jealous of the child, who came suddenly and changed everything, who "stole" his partner and girlfriend (there is no reason for embarrassment or guilt - this only shows how important the affection is from the partner, who now focuses on the child and may neglect the partner).

The father may even feel excluded when he leaves for work during the day, and in the evening he feels that he does not find his place in the new atmosphere.

Time in two. As new parents, finding time in two seems impossible! The child affects the relationship in the sense that he needs so much care that the two parents forget to spend time with each other, and this not only as a baby but sometimes during the whole childhood. In addition, in the first months, benevolent relatives will come to the house to help - which destroys any privacy.

What is important for the relationship between partners - to steal at least half an hour or a few hours on weekends to stay alone (if the relatives are happy to stay with the little one anyway) and to spend time simply sitting together when the baby snores ⁇

Extreme fatigue, especially in the first months, destabilizes you. Lack of rest, along with the rest of the practical and emotional changes, leads to a state of negative tension.

Accumulate frustration - and what is the best way to deal with it? Starting quarrels with your partner, quarrels that often arise from things that could have been resolved rationally - but the exhausted person no longer has the energy to be rational…

Things in the house come together, and if the partners do not cooperate, everything becomes a struggle. In general, the mother is the one who has to do the housework while taking care of the baby. The father is the one who continues to work, and eventually helps from time to time at home and with the little one.

Apart from the fact that a mother cannot do everything when she has a child - a big problem is the lack of empathy and understanding between life partners: everyone considers that he is the one who works harder, while the other does not have as much to do!! The two of them need to communicate and understand that, although they find their work the hardest, the other does not cut leaves for dogs!

And the father needs to understand how exhausting it is to raise a baby - if he expects everything to be in order at home, for the mother to cope with the care of the little one, then understanding is not possible. Parenting is hard work for two - but on its own, it becomes exhausting - so, as a father, being ready for a child means knowing very well that the role of father does not just mean playing, reading, and doing funny girls at the baby! It means helping concretely in the care of the child and trying to be present.

And so it comes to another situation when the child affects the relationship between partners (not the child himself, but his birth) - when one of the parents is not ready to give up some things: the father thinks that everything will be the same in his life, that he will not have to make big changes, that he will not have to give up anything!

A father may be delighted with the idea of ​​having an expensive baby - but may think that for him, there is no need to change much. He may think that his mother will stay home for two years anyway, so he will be able to take care of the child, while he can continue his daily life: work, outings, hobbies…

If it is not accepted that being a parent means taking on changes, giving up some activities at least for a while to be more at home, then there will be problems. But even for the mother, giving up can be a problem: if she is not ready to give up for a while her career, her active social life, her professional dreams to fulfill her family dreams.

It is necessary to know and accept the priorities, to avoid resentments (and when the baby comes without being planned, it is necessary to assume responsibly the changes that will follow and plan the life in the future). Things can't be the same after the baby is born, both partners need to know this - and for things to be better and not worse, compromise and change must be accepted.

When does the child affect the relationship between the partners?

When resentment arises from one, resentment about not knowing if he wants to become a parent at that moment! The exhausted mother may snort and think, "You wanted the baby, but you're not doing anything now." and who are preparing for it together (which is only possible if you follow family planning).

Money - when does the child affect the relationship between life partners? When their financial situation means that, after the necessary expenses for the child, they are left with too little money for others.

Becoming a parent without thinking exactly about the detailed expenses that will be required is a wrong step. Extremely many conflicts in the couple start from frustrations related to the lack of financial resources, which become widespread frustrations in the couple's life.

In the end, it is not the child that affects the relationship between the life partners - but this major change in their life, a change that both of them need to think about. They both need to realize what a CHILD means - not a little darling sitting in a stroller!

Being a parent is the most beautiful and fulfilling experience for both mom and dad - but that doesn't mean it's not the hardest! And when you approach the idea of ​​having a baby with naivety, immaturity, you risk that this experience that can be so wonderful to become one that affects the couple's relationship and that affects the family…