No matter how good a couple is, never do this for each other unless you want a divorce

Son, I haven't written to you for a long time.

I've seen how busy you've been lately, how you've been ignoring your wedding next month, how your fiancee feels.

Remembering that you once asked me how to make a good marriage, today, I have something to say to you.

In fact, the relationship between husband and wife, you in the "business".

There are many married couples, although the name of marriage, but always busy as an excuse, neglect each other's emotions, ignore the family relationship.

More likely to have all kinds of conflicts and complaints about the division of housework.

There are a lot of secrets in a relationship, but no matter how good the relationship is, don't try to "help" each other with the housework, otherwise, the relationship is likely to break up.

Why I say this, you will see after reading the following.

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The other day, I watched a video on the Internet.

In the video, a father visits his daughter's home. He watches his daughter, who has been spoiled by him, become a nanny in the other family.

The kid's homework. Keep her eyes on it.

She asked her husband to fill up his tea.

She had to prepare the food at home.

She was asked to clean up the house.

Even a simple matter such as receiving and sending a parcel has to be done by her alone.

When she was too busy, she would tell her husband to lift his feet, move his hips and turn down the stove fire.

Her husband, on the other hand, would either sit on the couch and watch TV or play games on his phone.

Women take care of everything in the family.

The father could not bear to watch, and wanted to say something, but then he thought, he is not at home like this.

Leave all the housework to his wife and be a free hand.

In fact, in most families, men and women are divided in this way.

Men sit drinking tea and reading newspapers while women rush about taking care of the family.

So a lot of people see, most of the time is also the mother in the busy, dad do a hand in charge.

But now, times have changed.

Women not only have to take care of children and housework, but also have hobbies, careers and pursuits in life.

They no longer seek to be someone's wife, no longer want to be tied to the label "Mom."

It's easy to get into trouble in a marriage when there's a disconnect between your accomplishments and your chores, and you don't have a partner to help you.

What you may not know is that many married people say that doing housework is like a life sentence. It never ends. It takes time.

Because the mopped floor gets dirty, the folded laundry gets messy, the trash in the bucket gets full, and the food in the refrigerator gets empty.

More importantly, when a busy person sees another person with nothing to do, he or she gets angry for no reason.

Don't ignore the other side of this emotion, this small contradiction once not solved in time, accumulated more, will also lead to disaster.

Housework, however, is an easy source of conflict.

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Speaking of which, when I first got married to your mother, I didn't do much housework either.

At that time, many men would think that they married a wife in order to stop the cold cooker, so that someone to do the housework for them.

I remember when you were born, when your mother was too ambitious to quit her job and stay home full time.

She tries not to fall behind in her work, and she tries to be a good mother.

But she probably did not expect that the household chores suddenly become huge, the house that used to be cleaned two days, now have to be cleaned every day, the clothes that used to be washed once a week now have to be cleaned every day.

She was devastated.

She blamed herself for her incompetence and why I didn't help her.

That's when I realized how much a woman is influenced by what a man does in the home.

Later, I began to learn to help your mother, will help her rub shoulders, beat the back, will help her lift heavy objects, clean the house.

So your mom can rest a little longer and stop working so hard.

I've been doing a good job as a husband ever since.

Until one day, we went to visit your uncle's house. To my surprise, when we entered the house, your uncle was busy in the kitchen.

After cleaning the POTS and pans from the previous meal and preparing the ingredients for the next meal, he wiped his hands and came out of the kitchen to chat with us.

I asked him unbelievably: how did you help your wife do so many things today?

He said, it is not help, wife these two days lumbar discomfort, I just do it.

To be honest, watching him do it made me rethink myself.

These years of marriage, I do help your mother to do a lot of things, but ignore, home should be the harbor of two people, how the housework has become a burden?

Even the other person to help, also want to use "help" to describe.

It was the first time I realized that housework should not be a binding responsibility, but a shared obligation.

So, son, I want to remind you, don't help your wife with the housework.

You are not a traveler in the house, you are the master of the house.

A family thing should be shared between two people.

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Writing this, I know you will be somewhat reluctant.

You might argue with me:

But a man needs to earn money. He is so tired outside every day and has to do housework at home.

Besides, in most other families, the man makes the money and the woman does the housework.

I understand your complaint.

When I was first married to your mother, I felt the same way. I thought it was okay to do housework. She could do it all by herself.

As I grew older, I realized how difficult it was.

A while back, I read an online response summarizing a woman's household chores.

She has to do laundry every other day, cook in the morning and at night, and clean every week.

After having a child, the workload of all housework is doubled, not to mention picking up children, tutoring children's homework...

According to the current market housekeeping 30 yuan an hour, accompanied by teachers 50 yuan an hour, nanny a month 3000- 5000 yuan to calculate.

I don't think it's too much to say that a woman involved in these labors can get at least 5,000 yuan a month.

What's more, the people invited to spend time, but she invested in this home, in addition to time, also full of love and heart.

I'm not saying this because I want you to see who is doing more and who is doing less than who is earning more and earning less.

It's to show you that no one in a marriage is easy.

You have your hardships to eat, and your partner has hers to suffer.

It is more important to show compassion and understanding to each other than to criticize each other, to blame each other, to dispute over housework.

No one's pay is taken for granted, when she decided "since the dress when the Lou laugh, wash your hands to make soup", it should get you a little more love and care.

When love spreads in your small home, the two of you will naturally get better and better.

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So how do you divide your chores?

I talked to your mother about this a while back.

We thought we could have a duty schedule, just like you do in college, where everyone has their own division and time.

I also thought about asking a cleaning lady to come to your house on a regular basis to help you put things away and clean up after you.

Your mother also said that when she retired, she would visit you more, help you cook, babysit, relieve your stress.

But in the end, we overturned all these ideas, not because we didn't want to help you, but because we felt that you should make your own decisions about what was yours.

There is still a long way to go, and we believe that you will find the most suitable way to manage your marriage in the future.

But don't forget, no matter how busy you are at work, you should also take time to share the housework. No matter how much you have to do, please go home and spend more time with your wife.

Home is not a haven for one, but a common harbor for two.

Home affairs, not a person's responsibility, and need two people to solve together.

Finally, I hope you are happy and comfortable to grow old.

Love, Dad.

~end~

If you have any ideas, feel free to leave them in the comments section.

~This is Antoine, and I hope you find pleasure in each of my articles~