Never Stop Believing

The girl dreams of fairy tales. Not because she believes in prince charming but because she still must believe in magic. Believe that good will concur evil. Believe that there is still love in the world. Believe that having imaginary friends is okay because she had so many. She had many conversations with her imaginary friends because before the age of 11 she had been to 13 different schools and at this point she had learned she only had herself to count on. As long as she can remember it has always been about survival.

The girl believed so much in magic, she thought that the world was a snow globe and some unknown nature was watching all the tragic that was happening and one day was going to say, "Enough was enough". But as time went on, she realized she had to put silly childish thoughts away and realize that the world was just an unfair and cruel place. The girl never understood why there was so much hardship in this world, and she was told many times growing up, it could be worse. Other people had it worse in the world.

The girl was a very emotional but anytime she expressed feelings to anyone, she was told they wrong to feel, or she was ruining the moment, or to shut them down the feelings because people were not supposed to show their emotions. She learned maybe she had to be strong for her mother when her mother was trying to hide her emotions or was taking them out on the girl. Or the girl had to protect her siblings. But this only confused the girl because other people could have emotions, but she was not allowed. What was it about her that made her so different?

The girl would change and try to appease the people she was around, but it would only cause more confusion and chaos. Again, the girl could not understand because she did everything that was asked of her.

As the girl blamed herself for alternating life and always tried to be grateful. Sometimes it was hard. At the age 11, her mother disappeared without a trace. She was heartbroken because again, what did she do wrong. She will be a good girl. She promised. She had to go to a place where it was argued who was going to take her and the girl begged to be with her own family, but they would not even take her. So, she was with someone who did not value or see her as their own.

The girl had seen many challenges over the years with her mother. The different partners. Loss of custody and abuse. She never thought that her mother would leave her behind. Brings to memory when her mother left her second husband and he said, "take the girl with you, she is not mine". Another moment in the girl’s life when someone did not want her. Again, to questioning herself, is there something wrong with her.

As time went on the girl was on a mission. She decided that maybe she could find her father. Maybe he would take her and protect her and everything in the world would be right. The girl was 13 when she was able to meet her father. He had another family and there seemed to be mixed emotions about her being in the picture. But the girl craved for a family that would love her, and she would have been willing to do anything they asked.

At that moment something miraculous happened, the girl’s mother showed up in her life again. 4 years later and the girl so wanted badly to forgive her mother and have everything go back to normal, that her father walked away. Which, to the girl found strange because she thought would not any selfish little girl does not want both her parents in her life. Again, that sick feeling came back, and there was something wrong with her.

The girl knew she could not give up and decided to keep moving forward but what was her next plan of action. The girl was already been having plenty of fights with the people she was living with. She had already been blamed for not working hard enough, not good enough for taking care of her sibling and was accused of trying to break up a marriage because of inappropriate touching and conversations with the girl. It was explained that it was to teach the girl a valuable lesson of what not to do in the future and how information or who the girl was as person can be interrupted as wrong.

One day the girl was in so much physical pain she asked for a day off from work but that was not allowed because who else was going to do the work. The girl decided to take a break while the people were not watching and call her boyfriend at the time but as timing maybe, she was caught and struck in the face. At that moment she decided her only option was to go back home to her mom because what could be worse.

The people the girl was living with gave her the opportunity to put her plan into place. Again, the girl asked if she could spend the weekend with her boyfriend and was denied and was told that her only vacation, she was getting that summer was at bible camp of their choosing. Where she would work and cook for other children. So, the girl called her boyfriend and asked him to call her mom, to have pick her up from camp.

Now, the girl was nervous for her life because she did not know if she would get away with this plan. In the past her other plans did not always pan out. She tried to get adopted by strangers, she talked to people at the church to get answers to why the people treated her the way they did. But all it did was cause more trouble and chaos. No one at this point could help her or wanted to get involved.

The people got wind of her plan and sent their family to come and get her. They were very angry with her and the girl thought this was the end for her. But to the girls surprise the people's family was on her side and was waiting for her mother to come and get her. For once something had gone according to the girls plan and maybe she could make a new life for herself. She knew her mother and herself had some healing and talking to do but that is all a part of a new start.