Moments

No one knows what the future holds for any of us. All the little moments that seem so minute at the time, so bothersome or filled with overjoy- whatever it may be- be grateful for those moments. For all the people that surround you on the daily, who loves you unconditionally. Because I can guarantee that one day those people. ..won’t be there anymore and all those moments will be of more value to you than gold.

Bebe,

Today marks 4 of the longest, loneliest, saddest and hardest months of my life. 4 months ago, on this day, I sat in disbelief, shock and complete horror because someone took ur life. I remember how mad I was at you that night- I didn’t sleep because you hadn’t came home- it wasn’t like you to do that, so that anger turned into worry by morning time. My world literally shook when I seen your car in the news. I rushed to the scene but I was lost. I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I threw up on the way to find the streets. When I finally got there-my world crumbled right beneath my feet. Having to positively identify you and confirm to Big Rick that yes it was his son, was so hard to do through my tears. When I got home, I broke down at the my front door. I was on my knees holding on to the door and the couch yelling “No! No! No! No!! Please don’t do this!! Noooo!!! Please no!” And I cried the most deeply, awful, sorrow filled cry in my whole entire life. .. and there hasn’t been a day since, that I don’t shed a tear in ur memory. I never knew exactly how much I can miss a person. In those first days and weeks - I yelled, I kicked, I screamed, I prayed, I begged, I pleaded, I bargained to bring you home. But it didn’t work. You were really gone. It’s still so hard to accept my reality. I often sit within my random memories that pop up and I thank God for allowing us to step into each other’s life again when we did. We had both went through our ups and downs since the last time we seen each other in high school. You used to tell me that you wished we would have got together way back then so you could have saved me from the things I’ve been through. But what you didn’t know was that you saved me when the time was right. You showed me what it was to truly love someone and what it was like to be loved just as much in return. You shed light into areas of my life that had been dimmed down through past failures and disappointment. You tore down the brick wall that I had built around my heart and around my life that kept my family out and my family knows what I’m talking about, because they seen the difference in me. I know I brought out the same things in you as well. We were so in love. Being mad at each other more than 2hrs was not something that we ever experienced- even being upset with each other- we couldn’t stop texting or calling eachother!! We would be in the same apt different rooms but our convos never stopped - thanks to modern texting technology!! LoL We always had so much to say to eachother and soo much fun together as well. There was never a dull moment with you. You always listened to my meltdowns over silly things, always so protective of me- never went anywhere alone at night and if I did come home after dark- you’d be waiting for me in the parking lot to walk me inside. So delicate in the way you handled me- almost as if you were holding on to a flower. You made sure that my kids where fed and that we had the things we needed. Everyday coming home with Reese’s pieces, hot Cheetos or Takis. Or ice cream or cookies or left overs from ur moms and let’s not forget to stop and put money on both of our River and Vegas accounts!! LoL God how much I miss our talks, your laugh, the faces we would make at eachother, you playing ur guitar for me, helping you cut ur hair, going to the stores, out having drinks, you were always so proud to have me by your side. I love you Richard. I love you for everything thing that you were, everything that you stood for and everything that you represented. I promise bebe that your death will not be in vain. You will have justice. I know you are always around us, our kids, our family, our friends. I know you are. I feel you just like you said -in the wind that blows, in the sun that shines, the electricity that powers everything- even our hearts- you are everywhere and no matter where this crazy life takes us at the end of it all - it’s you who I am expecting to greet me on the other side. Everyday that passes is one more day that I miss u but I find comfort in knowing that it’s also one day closer to meeting up with you again. ❣️ Rest In Peace my love. Sly Tha Lewey Molina