Making Peace With Death When You're Whole Life Is Still Ahead Of You

Because there are truly no endings, only beginnings

I've seen the light go out in people's eyes more times than a human should.

But the truth is, people, die.

You and I both know that it's a basic fact of life.

Death, I mean.

Sounds weird to write that out. To type on my keyboard that death is a part of life. Part of me is internally screaming that "No! No, it isn't!"

It's the end of life, literally.

Death is just death and has nothing to do with life.

Right?

Then one considers my last two decades as a trauma nurse and all of the tragedies I've witnessed. Just because I'm a nurse doesn't mean that I am impacted less. Or that I'm less sensitive.

In fact, it's the exact opposite.

It's never easy.

Seeing death, I mean.

One second you're desperately trying to revive someone, and the next, you're seeing life leave...

Their eyes...

Their breath...

Their bodies...

I mean, you're like literally working your buns off, trying everything you know and have been taught and trained to do, oft in a futile effort to give someone an extra hour. Or an extra day...of life.

To kinda cheat death.

But death doesn't like cheaters. When the scythe starts swinging, it's already too late. The worst part is when you make an effort, but in the deepest parts of you're being, you know it won't help.

You know they've already gone.

So then, why do we say that death is just a part of life? That death is part of the "circle of life?"

Because lemme tell you, it's no circle of any life when you take your final breath.

And everything I've written thus far, I have believed for a long time.

Until you see the family...

Then you realize that death is part of life.

Because life goes on.

The next day the wife, or husband, or son, or daughter, or cousin, or neighbor, or nurse...will wake up and go on with theirs.

Life, I mean.

Sure, there is sadness.

Sure, there are tears.

Sure, there are questions.

But.

It.

Goes.

On.

And I'm pretty sure I now understand why we say that death is part of the circle of life...

Because it's not about us.

It's about them.

The ones left behind.

The ones still living.

The ones still breathing.

It's in these folks' hearts, minds, souls, and of course, memories that we continue to live.

We have to go on for them. We have to go on for them so that they continue to live through us.

Even when it feels like the hardest thing in the world.

Even when it feels like we can't do it another day.

We have to go on.

For them.

That is the true circle of life.

To the ones who say they are not afraid to die...

I agree with you.

I'm not afraid to die either.

Now I'm not saying that in a grandiose manner. I do not mean that in a way to challenge the grim reaper either. And I'm certainly not advocating questionable behavior that could lead to an early demise.

Nope.

I'm saying that, like you, I am not afraid of dying.

What I am afraid of is being forgotten.

To me, that's a fate worse than death. To know that nobody will remember me. Think of me. Cry for me.

That my life mattered for nothing.

That, to me, is a fate worse than death.

So to the ones who say they are not afraid to die...I understand now why.

Parting words...

Death isn't easy.

It's never been easy to see, and it becomes even more difficult when you realize that death is a part of life. For the ones left behind, life goes on.

The next day they wake up and go on with theirs, although there is sadness, tears, questions, and grief.

But we have to go on for them so that they continue to live through us.

That is the true circle of life.