Loving Myself Pt. 1

Loving myself is something I have never done before.

It all started when I was a teenager, I got rejected many times by friends or crushes. Which I know it’s normal but through the middle school career I never really had anyone to talk to. Sure I was associated with people in school but it was only, in school. I only had one close friend who eventually betrayed me, she was my best friend in middle school until I hit high school. We completely cut all connections because of a stupid crush.

You see

I Never really felt cool, or pretty before. I had many people tell me otherwise, just never really was on the same page as them. When I hit high school everything seemed to change, I was cool and I was pretty to others but people just somehow seemed to bring me down from that high end, even friends who eventually stopped liking me and started rumors. It was hard to get a grasp on this problem, it just dragged me down and made look like a fool but thankfully I was able to finally get a grasp on this problem, found ways to not let it get to me with certain words or certain action that can distract me from this. Which were just drawing or listening to music or simply styling other people’s outfits helped a lot. It distracted me from what I really had to face, but I slowly notices that by doing That i was just making it worse.

Now these last 8 months has changed dramatically! I now have a significant other who loves me by showing me with actions and words! The feeling of love has made me believe more in myself, my significant other shows the love that anyone has ever dreamed of. Which I love because it has helped me deal with this problem I have. At first I thought it was just a dumb thought But it always seems to find me and take me down with it, always makes me feel less then what I really am and now it’s even worse because I overthink about what my significant other thinks, if I’m ugly or if that person is better then me or that other person is way more interesting then me.

This problem has caused problems in my relationship, I end up just getting mad at my significant other for no reason at all. It immediately just throws him off, causing me to hate myself even more because of my actions. It involves mood swings and as you can see my love significant other doesn’t know about this problem; I’m afraid he will think it’s his fault.

It’s crazy how someone can change dramatically, I once was able to not care about my appearance but I never was someone who showed my inner me , my personal problems and feelings. I always make others smile, always try to help others to make them happy. Always helped with lending out a hand, a shoulder, a ear or even a body to bring comfort. But I never really thought about myself. Im not happy with my thoughts right now, I know I deserve to feel better, to be happy with myself and be who I truly am deep inside.

I finally am admitting about this problem and well it truly sucks , before, I will always just ignore it because in reality this wasn’t my biggest concern I had in life, until now. I’m pretty sure some of you might think this isn’t anything close to what other people go through and I get It i know it isn’t but it is a problem a lot people go through, is as bad as the others too. This problem can make you go crazy or can just not let you live your life how you really want to. This problem led me to hate someone who says they aren’t pretty which clearly they are, even tho I say that to myself. You see I always no matter what put someone else before me, I hate seeing someone sad or just alone.

And I’m happy that I can admit this, happy with what other people have gone through to help me forget about this problem. I thank them a lot, especially my love who unbelievably survived through this steep ground with me.

••Right now is only the beginning and I’m not prepared for the rest of it but just want to say that no matter who you are, you should never make someone feel less then what they really are, this feeling is not awesome at all. If you know someone with this just be there for them and make sure They know their worth, they might not want the help but just tell them how great they are doing and how they are amazing