Love Lift Us Up

Vocal – ‘Behind the Beat’







The song that changed my life, a story of true love:







Love lift Us Up...



Homelessness, heartbreak, addiction, danger, vengeance and uncertainty was the soup of difficulty that I was facing at the time. I found myself once again taken in by Will, an individual I would describe as an old perverted misanthropic conspiracy theorist that looked a cross between a stock broker with his collared business shirt and a hippie in his stupid rainbow colored pajama trousers. Will, better known as Bongo Will, the anomaly, took in wayward travelers at his house in Ecuador. I was offered a place to stay outside in the backyard, because apparently the last time I stayed I didn’t ‘do so well at the house’. I had just broken up with my ex girlfriend, a Borderline Personality Disordered girl from Georgia in the U.S.A, in what I would call a climatic and dramatic end to a month long spiral of ‘love’ and chaos involving sex, stalking, cocaine, crime, hallucinogenic cactus, violence and betrayal. I spent a month after that ordeal meditating, resting and detoxing outside in Will’s yard next to his fire pit out the back. He told me not to use all his logs. I ate up every last one.







I spoke to Will at length about the situation I had found myself in. We had concluded on our definitions of the true nature of love, what brought about this chaos and what would be the next best step.







Meanwhile I had developed a connection to what I call a beautiful shamanic Goddess in South Africa online since the first day after I met my ex.

My contact with her had actually caused trouble in the previous relationship. I had no idea why a a girl online in South Africa would be considered such a threat to someone that was on another continent. I didn’t even take it seriously at first but it was enough of an issue for the ex girlfriend. I understand now. “There’s a natural mystic blowing through the air”. During my first few days with my ex partner, my online African Queen had told me she was sick. Someone had poisoned her and she was seeing a shaman in order to get it corrected. I had arranged to visit a Temezcal (sweat lodge) with my then girlfriend and I had decided to pray for my new South African friend at the ceremony. At the the time I saw her primarily as a spiritual ally and my intentions were sincere. I didn’t think I would ever physically meet this woman. My ex got very jealous and upset that I had prayed for the well being of this distant female. In fact her behaviour was ugly to me and I couldn’t understand why she was so insecure about me having a connection with this woman. For me, first importance is the spiritual, and having allies in this realm is a top priority. I was simply praying for the well being of a sister. Eventually the whole situation was causing so much distress that I promised and decided to cut off Lungile for the well being of the current relationship was in. I told her that talking to her was upsetting my girlfriend and that we were not going to talk anymore, and that was that. In hindsight that may have been an error. It helped nothing and I was still betrayed. As I found myself in a dark spiral of chaos following the drama of this toxic union I had been a part of, I recalled my connection to Lungile, my sweet African priestess. As I thought about her I sensed a white light in my being and a feeling of tremendous peace. At that time I had left the town of Vilcabamba to visit Loja with my friend Pablo. He wanted me to get out of town and cool down following my ex running away with a man that had threatened me with a machete. I have a temper myself so I think Pablo sensed it better to keep me out of the way. In that busy bus stop in Loja I decided to visit the internet cafe and reconnect with Lungile. I re-added her on Facebook and sent a message. She wasn’t happy about what I had said to her and told me that I had hurt her. I apologised and we talked. Over time we connected more and more. Eventually we realised that we loved each other. Deeply.







We first decided to stay friends until I had healed from the previous relationship, because she didn’t want to get hurt. That didn’t work though and we found ourselves wanting to be together. I remember when I wanted her to tell me she loved me but she told me that we decided to be friends so why should we talk that way. It felt unnatural at that point to not speak with love. I was disheartened. Every cent I could get I would more or less spend on going to the internet cafe to talk with her. One day I got some internet access, I saw a message from her saying “Why haven’t you spoken with me today? I miss you!” I replied “I miss you too.” This message came through at 11:11. She came online, we talked, realised we truly wanted to be together and I decided to make a plan. Even though I was penniless and homeless I placed my faith in the Divine and set my intentions. I knew the journey would be long, difficult and the odds seemed impossible but I was driven. I was committed. Often times I receive what I call Omens, in a similar sense to the main character in the book the Alchemist I would say. Which she began reading later on down the line. One such omen was a song I kept listening to and singing: “Love lift us up where we belong!” By Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes.







These lyrics inspired me and gave me strength of spirit at the task at hand. Unite with my woman in South Africa. The sense of true love for her was profound.







“Who knows what tomorrow brings



In a world few hearts survive



All I know is the way I feel



When it's real, I keep it alive



The road is long



There are mountains in our way



But we climb a step every day



Love lift us up where we belong



Where the eagles cry



On a mountain high



Love lift us up where we belong



Far from the world below



Up where the clear winds blow”







Her faith was probably stronger than mine and her psyche more stable. Even so, I had practised the art of acting on faith and set my plans into motion as the Divine did its part. I contacted a relative to lend me money to get back to Europe and at the time I had befriended a man from Denmark who had become like a brother to me. He also had an issue with the man that ran away with my ex and had previously offered him work in Denmark. He had now extended the same offer to me along with a place to live.







The journey began. Me and Lasse agreed to meet in Guayaquil. He had been refused entry to leave for Denmark because he was banned from transiting via the U.S.A. I bought a bus ticket and made my steps to meet Lasse. We had a wild time in Guayaquil. Eventually we got back to Europe. I spent some time with my relatives in Britain then got to Denmark.







In Denmark it was difficult. I spent a month In Lasses’ basement without a penny, and we hardly worked because we couldn’t afford to get to the job. I was compromising my position at work for drinking on the job. Getting more and more depressed in a Danish basement. Things were getting dark in Europe. This love was the struggle worth soldiering on for. Me and her fought a few times. As we got to know each other we got to figure out each other’s pros and cons. She realised that I was mentally unstable and realised she had her work cut out for her. I realised she was stubborn, hot tempered and ruthless at times. Like myself. As I spiralled deeper into despair at the thought of never seeing her, crying myself to sleep, she sent me this:







“From the bottom of my heart; I wish you heal. I wish you a healthy life. A healthy body and a happy mind. A filled soul with love. I wish you riches, not money. But riches in spirituality and love. I wish myself power to encourage you to do more of what you love in days that you feel less motivated because that is what I want to do. I want to emotionaly support you. I want to be there for you and love you in all your phases. When you're half of yourself and when you're full of yourself. I wish I remain humble for myself and for us. I wish you remain focus and build a life not for me but for yourself. I wish you accomplish all your goals. I want to help you accomplish everything you ever wanted. I want to teach you whatever you need to know. I want to teach you to love yourself. As I'm learning to love you, I need you to pay attention on that and maybe you could learn how to love yourself too. I need you to love yourself. I need you to work on yourself. I do not mind becoming your Home base care centre where you run to whenever you feel lonely, uncared for, less inspired, tired and all these other negative emotions. I do not mind becoming your warm bath after a long day. I do not mind becoming your coffee after a long day. I do not mind becoming that peaceful place. I do not mind loving you. I love you. I love you so much. I have faith in you and I keep you in my prayers. I do not mind telling you every second that I love you. I wish you never get tired of me telling you that I love you.”







That’s it! I was getting to her even if I had to walk! She said I was crazy, I said you don’t know what I’m capable of. I even researched it and found out that someone had walked to South Africa from North Africa.







Me and Lasse fell out eventually and I found myself returning to Britain. Plus I had some errands to run there and it was approaching Christmas so I thought ‘kill two birds with one stone’. I went to stay at my mothers temporarily. My grandmother was having a birthday event at a hotel and had booked rooms for us. Soon after that event I found myself being wanted for questioning for a very serious offence. I evaded the police until I got legal advice and then allowed them to arrest me. I was released without charge as I had not committed a crime but that was a huge stressor. During this process, before the arrest, my mothers friend, who I have always had a spiritual connection to gave me a small Ganesh symbol and had offered to get me work at a hotel. I saw no coincidence in this, seeing as I was facing a huge obstacle now. Financially destitute and with the potential of having to go on the run or to prison this was to me a blessing and symbol of Divine intervention.







“As Ganesh is all about all about protection and power, much of his symbolism is related to safeguarding us from life's physical and subtle obstacles. His elephantine head: The elephant is a symbol of strength and power, and is an animal native to India.”







During my time on the run I applied for that hotel job and was accepted. I was arrested and the day I was released from jail without charge was the same day I was due to start work. The amount of synchronised events I was experiencing seemed to be accelerating on this path towards union with my Divine African Queen.







I started the work and before long found myself overwhelmed and exhausted by the difficulty of working full time night shifts. Dealing with different people constantly.







My sanity was failing and it got worse as I attempted to work a second job in the day to speed up the process of getting the cash to go to South Africa. My faith was constantly being tested. Many forms of temptations and distractions had been thrown at me throughout the journey and I admit I had slipped up at times.







At a low point, close to giving up, as I came into work one night I saw the time was 22:55 on the box we used to clock in for work. My colleague was yapping away about the nights tasks, but I wasn’t focused on her or what she was saying. I was focused on the radio playing a song:







“Some hang on to used to be



Live their lives looking behind



All we have is here and now



All our lives, out there to find



The road is long



There are mountains in our way



But we climb a step every day



Love lift us up where we belong



Where the eagles cry



On a mountain high



Love lift us up where we belong



Far from the world we know



Where the clear winds blow”







My faith returned. The struggle was not in vain.







A month went by, I left the job, found new employment with a furniture removal company and I spent Christmas with my relatives.







Unfortunately the relationship between me Lungile was declining during this time, and I perceived that this could be the beginning of the end. She was pulling away and the more I struggled to keep the connection the worse things would get. After I frustrated all my efforts and driving myself mad, in the end I decided to back off and move on. In that decision I met someone else briefly at a bar. I wondered if this was an opportunity for a new beginning or another distraction. As that happened Lungile began reaching out again, as if she knew intuitively that I was backing away and a new opportunity had presented itself to me.







I made the commitment to see her in Africa come what may and I was sticking to it for better or worse. When the wages eventually came in from the hotel job I bought the ticket to South Africa. I had some cash left over and I rented an apartment for two weeks. I changed the rest of the cash I had after selling some items to the South African currency. My financial situation was still precarious but I had just enough to do what I needed to do. I was exhausted and depressed by this time. I was also unsure about the relationship and it’s future.







Eventually the day came to travel. By this time Lungile told me she had started reading the Alchemist. My friend had offered me a lift to London and a place to stay before catching my flight. I stayed the first night and in the morning after he left for work I went out to look for an internet cafe. As I got on to the street of the internet cafe a bus went past with number 222, a significant sign for me, and I realised I had dreamt of being in this exact place weeks before. I was in the place of my dream! I got onto a computer and at that exact time my Queen was online. We spoke and I told her about it. We were still not in a good place but the omens were strong and so I kept the faith.







The day of my flight came. I approached the desk before entering the plane and I was stopped. Apparently my passport may be too damaged to be allowed to travel. I contested and said that it was my prerogative to take the risk to be denied entry once I landed in South Africa. The woman wasn’t having it and called her higher ups for confirmation on the best thing to do. She was a pleasant woman and I held nothing against her. I told myself if I’m not getting on this plane then I’m going to prison instead because there is no way I’m accepting a refusal. Eventually i was allowed on. I held faith I would get on the plane, to me this was another omen. Another test of faith.







I caught my flight finally and after a long journey I landed in OR Tambo airport, Johannesburg, South Africa. So I was here, finally! After all this time, energy and frustration. I had overcome the obstacles on my path and made it to the country. I got a taxi to Pretoria and got to the apartment I had rented.







I spent a few days by myself in the apartment waiting for the day that my woman would arrive to stay with me, and we would meet face to face for the first time. I was nervous.







The first night I arrived I decided to go out to the local bar. It was karaoke night. I sang a collection of songs that I related to my experience and one of them one of them was ‘Love Lift Us Up. I had a sense that I was being given messages through the music that a particular individual was singing. About facing a crossroads and the Devil between me and her. Later that evening some women came into the bar with a chaperone. Immediately after sitting next to one of them I was hit on and invited to ‘make babies’ with one of them. In fact two of them were on me like that and it was a serious test knowing my libido. One even offered to be a second girlfriend to me. One woman mentioned that bars name was Hunters bar and asked what I was hunting. I said I came here for my girlfriend. Long story short, I didn’t sleep with them.







The day came to meet my woman, she arrived outside the KFC near the apartment. I went to meet her and it wasn’t what I expected. It could have been fear but we were both very quiet with each other. She was much shorter than I expected and I wasn’t as tall as she thought. There was a type of disappointment and no chemistry. We went back to the apartment and began to engage with each other. We talked. I made attempts at getting close but her body language and energy suggested she didn’t want to. Even still I wasn’t allowing myself to be thrown off or discouraged. As far as I was concerned we were together, we had built a strong foundation, we knew each other’s souls and the situation was new. Yet, it was like meeting a brand new person just as my friend Jonny has warned me. Eventually we spent the night together and had sex. Afterwards we talked and both realised we weren’t feeling each other. It was overwhelming to realise that and we both started crying accepting that this may not work. She questioned me to where I confessed that I had been with other women from the time we both decided to be together up until this first meeting. She said that I risked the relationship but it didn’t matter anyway. She began deleting messages and photos that I sent her that were once significant for her. The fantasy I guess had been exposed by the raw truth of reality. Eventually I got some solitude. Cried and then went to bed. I lay there as she stayed up in the next room sitting. Hours later she came into the room and wakes me with a kiss. Then went and did her own thing. She came to bed. The next day we talked and she said she had done some thinking. She wanted to make it work and see over the next two weeks if it was possible. I agreed. It was beautiful for me, the first few days, then we hit some trouble and there was still resistance from her. I sensed she just wasn’t into me and I confronted her about it. She confessed and I told her to leave. Earlier she had explained that she had never dated outside her race and things were new for her. It was difficult for both of us.







She left the apartment but wanted to comeback for our last few days to give it another go, and if it didn’t work then we would call it a day. I agreed. After she left I decided to go out onto the street and drink. I met some man drinking on the street and joined him. We conversed and I ended up drinking with some men from the neighbourhood, going to a bar and getting to know people.







A few days later she came back, and she was still ‘off’. We kept making an effort, but in the end she said it just wasn’t working. I said it could and that there was something in her soul that was pulling her back to me. By this point I knew I loved her and I thought that she was confused. Nevertheless I accepted her decision and we said goodbye. She left again and I went out onto the streets to drink again. As I sat there drinking a bottle of red wine I was approached by one of the men I had made friends with. He had some ‘messages’ for me that night sent by the Divine I’m sure. I explained my situation and as far as he was concerned it wasn’t over, she was just confused amongst other things. He explained what women were like where she’s from and his experience with his own woman. I could feel her in my soul, and later found a text from her realising that she did want me and something in her soul did want her to be close to me like I told her. She seemed to panic as I delayed texting her. Then I told her not to stress as I always love her and continued with my night.







The next day she came back, and she was different. She wanted to see me again before I leave. She was touchy unlike before and affectionate. She was actually warm and embracing, and we then spent the last few days together in a comforting and loving embrace. We felt together, and closer than we had before. She realised how much she loved me. I agreed for us to be together. Even though one day she may be called away for her spiritual training and I may not see her for years, she is the one I want for life. We still have not given up on our love despite the rocks on our path. Despite the mountain that presented itself before us, we held strong in our faith and our love.





“Time goes by



No time to cry



Life's you and I



Alive today



Love lift us up where we belong.