Little Bit Awkward

I have thought about my life so far and I realized I have always felt lonely, awkward, competitive and a little clueless of my surroundings. I have a lot of qualities as a multifaceted person and many I truly love, but with all the stories I envisioned telling here I realized some of the worst qualities come through a lot stronger. I do appreciate being awkward except in the way that it leaves me misunderstood and pretty lonely. My cluelessness is what I would call a tangent of my awkwardness because it is not about being self involved or uncaring and instead it is about being so anxious about how I am coming across that I inevitably come across quite poorly. My story shows all my worst traits melding together in one mess of a night.

My best friend in sixth grade had an older brother who was getting married and I was invited to the wedding. I had a very important swim meet during the ceremony so I ended up going just for the reception. When I got there she was involved with a girl about our age and immediately I was jealous of how well they got along and all the time she was giving her; this girl was one of her cousins that came into town just for the wedding. I spent the night following them around, trying not to be left out. We sat next to some other pre-teens and watched the dance floor for a while and one boy who was an identical twin asked me to dance and I was so immediately scared about the attention and my lack of dance skills that my fear took over so I said no. A few minutes later the other twin asked me to dance and my friend told me to say yes and so I did. I didn't know how to dance so he ended up having to show me how to put my hand into his and my other hand to rest on his shoulder which made me feel utterly hot cheeked. He danced and I made it around with him doing something possibly akin to dancing ,while avoiding his gaze. I then noticed my friend and her cousin running off somewhere, and of course I didn't want to be left out, so I ran after them.

A bit later we ended up outside and there were talks of competition, and who was better and of course I was like, so obviously better at everything. One of the twins, whom by now I still have no idea which I danced with, gave me a balloon they procured. I, of course said thank you in a way that I am sure was wholly unsatisfying as I was still not used to this attention. To make matters worse one of the other people wanted to race to prove they were better than everybody. I did the only thing one could do, but shouldn't have done at that moment which was to let the balloon go and say "hey, I wanna race too". I, soon after, noticed the twin was upset that I let the balloon go and I felt so bad, but had no idea how to rectify the situation. I ended up giving some sort of weird shrug and a sorry. I of course went on to slaughter everybody in every competition which for me was the time I felt the least awkward around the boys because I had proven my worth in the one way I knew how.

The next morning I went to my friend's house and they were playing the wedding video. It happened to be at the moment that I awkwardly set out to dance with the twin. The clarity of just how badly I didn't fit into that scene was quite apparent and then....bam!!! I took off running only to leave this cute boy staring at me running away and then looking woefully down at the floor, then looking up again to see if I was coming back to dance. He eventually realized that this crazy girl that was me was not coming back and he made his stunned way off the dance floor....alone.